Well, almost three years divorced and NO Valentine has come into my life. Maybe I've been trying to hard, but I have all this love to share and would love a relationship. Perhaps I've tried too hard, who knows? I've learned so much about myself and I'm grateful for every day I get to enjoy the new life I've created.
Just wishing.....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
awww, Golfgirl - your Valentine will show up someday, I'm sure.
That being said - I've been reading an interesting book that my friend lent me. "He's scared she's scared".
It has given me a lot of insight into the Love Avoidant and/or inappropriate guys I've been dating since my divorce. But also some clues as to why I have picked these men. Although I'm not the full-blown passive avoider they describe, I do have to admit, my divorce was sufficiently scarring that, given my choice between a guy who wants to jump into a full relationship, and a guy who is mostly unavailable, I'll pick the unavailable guy every time. What I'd really like is something in the middle, but lacking that, I pick the "safe" choice of the guy who can't really turn into more.
And now that I see that I'm doing that - well, I can hardly complain about my dates anymore, can I? lol
It's a fascinating read - you might recognize your ex in those pages, or some other men you've dated in the past.
(Incidentally, Valentine's Day leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because my ex sucked at it - but just on years when he, unbeknownst to me, had something else going on! Should have been the red flag early in our relationship.)
This year, I am playing a music gig with my best friend on Valentine's Day. Seems like a perfect way to spend it to me Then I will spend the night at my current date's house (the gig is two hours from my home, but close to his place, so he invited me to stay there).
He can't come to the gig because it will be too late (he gets up at 3:30 or 4 to get ready for work, we won't finish playing until midnight probably)but I have taken Friday off from work, so the plan is for me to stay at his place, and then we will have time to spend together Friday night.
Actually, it's awkward, spending this holiday with someone I've only been dating for a short while. One never knows what, if anything, is appropriate to give (and won't scare a Love Avoidant guy - I've decided all store bought Valentine's cards are way too scary, lol). Still, our second and third dates were on Xmas and New Year's, and those worked out ok despite the awkwardness.
"my divorce was sufficiently scarring that, given my choice between a guy who wants to jump into a full relationship, and a guy who is mostly unavailable, I'll pick the unavailable guy every time"
You KNOW I'm dying to say, "oh really???" But I will satisfy the urge by saying it without saying it ;-)
Most glad you have forward momentum now.
Next step: problem isn't about xh, it's why you were with xh to begin with.
This is all about YOU and not your partners, as you recognize, the partners are just a side effect.
Very fun to hear about the V-day gig, please send video.
I've spent lots of time figuring out the lesson I needed to learn to be with my xh. It's fascinating as I look back and think how I spent all those years with someone who couldn't be what I needed him to be, But, then...what does that say about me??
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Then I will spend the night at my current date's house (the gig is two hours from my home, but close to his place, so he invited me to stay there).