Hello! Back in late November I discovered an email from my wife to a friend indicating she was not happy. I asked her about it a few days before thanksgiving and life has been different since. The old line she loves me but is not in love with me. Also, she has been classic MLC with new clothes, weight loss, bars with divorced girl friends on ladies night out, wedding rings off, new music, and a friend who has gone a completely different direction in her life as well. She spends most days with this friend.
We have a counselor that recommended “The Divorce Remedy” which I have read and am working on the 180 and started down that path 4 weeks ago. My problem is that I am very good at it 95% of the time. It’s the 5% that has probably got me in the 1 step ahead 2 steps back. I am looking for the magic trick to walk away when something irritates me that she does. I am having a hard time dealing with a W who 10 weeks ago was fun and great to be around to someone who I still love dearly but seems to be in a mode or being mean to here H and sometimes to here kids.
What is really amazing to me is that if I look at pics of us and think back to just 7 months ago, my wife seems perfectly happy. Now it's like she hates everything that there is about me.
I have that same issue or question as to why all of a sudden did a switch flip and fun and happy goes the opposite direction.
It is part of the script. Whether WAS or MLC they are looking for the right path down the cheesless tunnel. Right now she thinks it is you that is to blame. Later it could be her job, body, spouse or god. It is just part of the way all this works.
Keep learning and hopefully it will start to make sense.
Thank you and I agree, I am fortunate to have the gift of time as she is still here. Sometimes that can be tough especially since I sense someone else may be in her life...
I have done a much better job of controlling my emotions for the last 7 days and hopefully that is being noticed. I am doing that for myself and the kids.
yes, it is hard to figure them out, especially when we had no idea. the biggest mistake i have made along the way is trying to figure my W out, instead of figuring myself out.
tell us more about yourself and your M. you will find great people on this board who can truly help.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Allen, I agree with all the others, trying to figure out the W just won't work. I was the same as you, W sent me lovey dovey messages and cards literally up to the last day before the BD. For crying out loud we even had sex the night before. Then all of a sudden, I want to be separated. Moved into the spare room, locked the door constantly, when using the bath/toilet the door now got locked. No kissing, no real touching. Like someone else mentioned on another post, she went zombie like. I know what I need to do to improve me. What I don't know and never will, is what will improve the W. That's not my job. Bit by bit, day by day, I start to get it even more. It's hard, it hurts, especially when all the family and friends start to ignore you as well. Just focus on yourself.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
yes, it is hard to figure them out, especially when we had no idea. the biggest mistake i have made along the way is trying to figure my W out, instead of figuring myself out.
tell us more about yourself and your M. you will find great people on this board who can truly help.
I have come a long way in figuring out who I am and I like who I see in the mirror. My W continues to act in 180. My teenagers even see it.
We were high school sweet hearts who married at 21 and 20 and 30 years would have been this summer. I fear a OM in her life. Well don't fear it anymore.
