Nah, I would not help with the decoration, unless your W asks you to. Doing so seems an intrusion into your W's space, at least for now. Perhaps you can redecorate their rooms, with them, at your place instead.
Loving your kids is great - one of the best things in the world.
You know, for the moving stuff, it might be good to have a strategy to deal with your emotional wounds after - identify something to help you recover before the move.
No luck with the comet here either. You could see the aurora here though, two nights ago (but I didn't see it either).
Have a good one -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Just wanted to say hello as I am in the same place as you right now, and reading your posts whilst I am on moderation is helping me feel less alone.
Like me you sound like you are up and down, and feel a little panicked about how well your W is coping, and how its so easy for her and almost matter of fact - for instance, 'i have seen a house i like', 'who is going to keep this when we divorce'etc.
I am far from an expert - more a rookie. However one thing I have read in my many books(not yet received my copy of DR), is that panic is one thing that can push you W away further. I've done panic just about every week up to now and each time regretted it. So now learning to not act upon my panic and go away and think about how to handle each situation. Its not easy, and right now I am holding onto some feelings that really hurt because I don't know the truth, but I think its the best way. Again, these are early days so I may be wrong, but certainly panicking and then approach W about things straight away was not working at all.
Look after yourself!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Hi mr2.4. Thanks for posting. I think there are many here who have a hard time staying focused, PMA, and 'act as if', when they are on the rollercoaster. I am just taking it one day, or even hour at a time. I find thinking about the future is very painful just now, so I am trying to live in the now and GAL.
Originally Posted By: mrtwopointfour
Like me you sound like you are up and down, and feel a little panicked about how well your W is coping, and how its so easy for her and almost matter of fact - for instance, 'i have seen a house i like', 'who is going to keep this when we divorce'etc.
This is one of the hardest things. While I feel like i'm going through hell, W just seems to be carrying on, everything's fine, exciting future, and as you said ' matter of fact'. Although I do believe that this is just ' outward'. I believe she is also worried, sad, regretful and in some pain too. As a WAS I think she needs to validate her decision by showing strength... But then I could be wrong!!
Will read up on your Sitch and get back to you...
You are not alone.
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
W spending much of her free time at the new house, decorating and packing up small things, getting ready for the move on sat. PMA almost non existent just now, although last night she asked me it it was ok to talk about her house, I said yes, and we had a friendly conversation.
How will her moving out, and we not seeing so much of each other effect my DBing? I mean, I know she'll be getting her space but we'll hardly ever meet. Could this be positive?
Must be in the mood for torturing myself today. Have listened to ' kom änglar ' by Lars Winnerbäck over and over. Such brilliant, beautiful, painful, sad lyrics. Why do I keep listening???
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
OC - am considering going to another C or psychiatrist. Does the state pay for these also? My current C, at the vardcentral, is cheap, at only 100 SKr per session. The new C or Psy would not be at the vardcentral.
Thanks,
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Good morning Luke. Just been to my C. Really happy with him, our R problems seem to fit exactly into a typical pattern. It helps to know this. My reactions to certain sitches and W reactions to certain sitches, our behaviour, problems etc all ffollow certain patterns. He helps me identify these patterns. He has said things about our R that make me think that he knows my W and I!!!
In answer to your question, the state covers a 'c' at the vårdcentralen, but not a private c. Be prepared to pay through the nose for private. My doctor put me in touch with my new c. He works for the kommun, check out 'krishantering för män' in your local kommun.
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
Hi Luke. Did some research on this when I was searching help. A private MC or C, in my area costs around 1000:- per visit, usually around 50 mins - 1 hour. A private psychiatrist is about the same, I believe. Many say that there is a big difference between those at vårdcentralen and private, but in my experience of our private MC and my present C, that is not the case. As you know I am very happy with my C, he makes me comfortable talking about R and my problems. And as he works for the kommun, he is FREE... I recommend you look at what your kommun, not your vårdcentral has to offer.
As for my English, I have spent some time living in the Uk...
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
