jzoom and tallula - I have had the same issue with over analyzing. My IC actually told me to put physical reminders (signs that say "Don't Analyze") in various places. Like on the edge of my computer screen because that is where I tended to anaylze the most with my friend google. I've gotten much better, mostly because of time and doing better at detaching but also the signs helped me as reminders.
I'm sorry to hijack this thread, but can someone please tell me how long does it take for a new thread to show up on the forum board? I posted a few hours ago but don't see it.
Formatting didn't work properly on that last post lol Supposed to be topic/subtopic bullet style lol
Originally Posted By: Tallula
I had to stop reading about affairs & I refuse to google "separation" now that DH just moved out an hour ago. I can tend to overdue the "info" emersion and swim in that, instead of taking my mind off my sitch.
Same here, I just keep obessing about the stuff. Perhaps part of my OCD...which I was diagnosed with a mild case of and gets worse with stress/anxiety.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Detached person: "I am so tired of looking at all her crap, I am so ready for this to be out of here. I could use the extra room, and wouldn't it be nice for this place to look a little more clean and orderly, that would make me a lot happier. I think I'll just box it all up and call her and ask her to arrange when she can come by and pick it up."
Clingy/ needy person: "Gosh, I would like to box this stuff up, but what if she doesn't like how I box it? What if she doesn't want me to box it? What will she think? Will she be angry? Should I ask her about it first? Or maybe I should just not do anything for now and see how things go? Maybe she'll see it all here and want to move back? "
Which sounds like the right approach to you?
Detached person mindset and doing all I can to avoid the clingy/needy person mindset. Not going to ask her if I can/should box the stuff up, not wanting to leave it out anymore in the hopes she'll see it want to come back, but I also don't want to call her and tell her to pick the stuff up.
I don't want it to be a "you're kicked out" statement with the actions. I want to have that cool, calm, DB response when she asks me something along the lines of: do you want me to get my stuff out? are you kicking me out?
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
jzoom you have to detach ASAP. Is this how you want to live your life? I'm not trying to be disrespectful to you but you aren't even her spouse and whether you want to believe it or not being married makes a big difference. I'm sorry to say this but try and look at it from her perspective. She hasn't made any commitment to you and you aren't the father of her children. Seriously think about that from her point. Quite a few of us can tell from just reading your posts that she is done with you but you keep going back for more. Why?
Let her go and just face the facts that she doesn't want to be with you at this time. You aren't even giving her time to miss you. I can assure you that she hates you contacting her all the time. Leave her be or she will definitely be gone forever and then you really have no one to blame but yourself.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
The approach I took was to box up whatver was bothering me. I took down all the pictures with her face. I completely cleaned out the master closet. I wiped out her junk from the master bathroom and left everything else in the house in place. I didn't say a word about it to her. I just did it.
When she comes over to get something, I simply say, "if it's not there it's probably in the garage". There's a few things that have gone missing. Maybe she lost them during her "move"...ooops
Let her go and just face the facts that she doesn't want to be with you at this time. You aren't even giving her time to miss you. I can assure you that she hates you contacting her all the time. Leave her be or she will definitely be gone forever and then you really have no one to blame but yourself.
REALLY SOAK THAT IN! It is very well put and accurate. It doesn't mean give up. It simply means give her some time and space to think about things. In the meantime, try to fix whatever needs fixing to make yourself a better catch!
Let her go and just face the facts that she doesn't want to be with you at this time. You aren't even giving her time to miss you. I can assure you that she hates you contacting her all the time. Leave her be or she will definitely be gone forever and then you really have no one to blame but yourself.
REALLY SOAK THAT IN! It is very well put and accurate. It doesn't mean give up. It simply means give her some time and space to think about things. In the meantime, try to fix whatever needs fixing to make yourself a better catch!
Yes, I have been trying to let it soak in and face the facts. I can see how I would normally react if she says to me, "Are you kicking us out?" My response would be, "Not like you sleep here anymore anyway. You're the one who wanted to get away from me."
So I'm trying to plan my 180 so I don't lose my cool and do more of the same.
It's like I'm standing at the edge of the open door ready to skydive for the first time. I keep checking my chute over and over again. I'm almost ready to jump. One last safety check.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.”
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
