Thanks AS and Tallula, would it be okay to ask her out to a friendly dinner? Certainly not a date, but I would make it clear it would be just to make our last week together a friendly one.
I don't see the harm, but just remember not to have any expectations. If she says "no" then don't act disappointed. I ask my W to lunch on the weekends all the time, I just tell her I'm taking the kids out and ask her if she wants to join us. She does about half the time, but when she doesn't I just say "no problem!" and continue the convo like it's no big deal (which it isn't). That's the place where those kind of invites need to come from, it's like your asking a friend to join you. If they can then cool, but if they can't it doesn't make you mope around, because you know there will be more opportunities in the future.
I had dinner with her this weekend and it went well. She stated several times that she was very glad that I asked her out to dinner (she apparently thought I was still mad at her). She also stated without any prodding from me that she was not going to be ready to see anyone else for quite a while. I found this odd because I assumed she was seeing someone based on the condom I found and the fact that she was disappearing for entire weekends. Would she have gone out of her way to make this statement, if she was seeing someone? She followed that up by saying to me that she is not ready to hear about anyone that I am seeing and I should just keep it to myself.
At the end of the night when we went back to our respective rooms, she said to me that she had forgotten what a good friend I was too her. She did ask if we could remain friends and I said yes. She at no point hinted that she had any interest in reconciling though, so I still have no expectations of anything changing in that regard.
It's funny a few weeks ago she apparently hated everything about me and everything I did was wrong/bad. So whether we ever reconcile or not, it looks like this DBing stuff at least saved a friendship.
I'll keep doing what I'm doing, but if any one has any advice, I'd appreciate hearing it.
She stated several times that she was very glad that I asked her out to dinner (she apparently thought I was still mad at her).
That's good, you want her to feel no pressure. You want her to feel relaxed around you, like you can talk as friends.
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She also stated without any prodding from me that she was not going to be ready to see anyone else for quite a while. I found this odd because I assumed she was seeing someone based on the condom I found and the fact that she was disappearing for entire weekends.
She could very well be lying, trying to keep you on the hook while she explores other options.
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Would she have gone out of her way to make this statement, if she was seeing someone?
I'm not saying she's definitely in an affair, but one thing all people involved in affairs have in common- they are all liars.
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She followed that up by saying to me that she is not ready to hear about anyone that I am seeing and I should just keep it to myself.
A good response to that would be "I'm still thinking things through." You don't want her to think that you're waiting indefinitely for her because she'll have no incentive to return, you'll always be plan B. But you don't want to make it sound like you're sleeping around either. Just leave it as a question mark in her head.
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she had forgotten what a good friend I was too her.
Excellent!
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I'll keep doing what I'm doing, but if any one has any advice, I'd appreciate hearing it.
Just keep doing what you're doing. She may want to remain friends for a long time (months) before thinking about reconciling, so be patient. Read Sandi's 180 tips as much as you need to to remind yourself what not to do!
Thanks AS. Going back to the previous discussion. I would like to speak with her before she leaves. You stated you said to your wife...
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
"well I would rather you stay here and work on the M with me, but most of all I want you to be happy and if you feel that leaving is what will make you happy then I support your decision and will help in whatever way I can."
Should I let her know that I am still willing to work on the relationship, but will be more than willing to be her friend? Or should I stick to what you said? I'm tempted to say something like "if you want to work on the relationship, things will be better this time around. But, if not, I'll accept that it is over and be your friend." Would this be okay, or should I not mention the "things will be better part?"
I would appreciate AnotherStander's feedback, but would also appreciate anyone else who would like to comment.
"I know I hurt you and took you for granted, but I'm still willing to try and make things right by working on the R. That said, if you simple want to be friends, I'll try to be the best friend I can be"
Just an update. W is moving out in the morning. I did ask her out for one last dinner tonight and she said yes (I think it was understood it was just as friends).
Should I discuss our future relationship at all? Should I offer to be a good friend, but tell her that although I have no expectations that I would still be willing to work on the relationship at some point? Or should I just make small talk and not discuss anything relationship related?
Another thing I thought about discussing, but think I should probably avoid...
I have befriended a girl from yoga class. She is interested but I told her I need time before dating and she agreed that is fine for now. But I think my wife suspects that there may be more to the relationship. Should I clarify that I am not sleeping with this girl?
Am I right to avoid this or should I set the record straight?
On another note, it is really not very healthy for you to be "befriending" other women at this point. Change yoga classes. Don't even think about dating.
