Tallula I just read your thread. Sorry you are here. I unfortunately have experience with affairs. Right now I don't have the time to post but I have a lot of things to share. Please remain calm remember you have a little one to take care of so no stress.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Sounds like your H has made progress and is said that he wants to end it with OW and be with you. Take stock of the progress made and the baby steps. Its hard to do when you are in the middle of it.
I would stop checking the phone, it will drive you crazy. You should set a boundary with him that if you want to move forward, he should be more transparent with you to gain your trust back.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
I had a 10 minute opportunity to look at his phone this mOrning and I didn't. He brought up moving out again. I said whatever you feel you need to do. He asked how I felt about it & I just said that I would like to continue to walk through this living together, but if you need to leave, you need to. He said that it is just hard when he knows I want affection & he's not there. He said I'm just trying to not cheat on you right now. That's all I can do. I said that's a by step & I'm going to give us both the space we need.
It's really great that he is going out of town for 3 days. Space will be good. I had backslid & was being needy & pursuing. I've pulled back again, letting him initiate hugs & ML.
Have a great day everyone!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
So, here's the rest of my day. Didn't call, he called me. He left for his guys night. I went on Facebook and was scrolling threw my news feed when I see that he friended a girl. Remember the number I reversed looked up...yep. So I called him and asked who this woman was. A nurse at his grandmas home. The home he had to go visit last night at 7pm a night. So I then asked what kind of friendship they have. Do they call each other, text? He got pissed and said he would move out when he got back so I wouldn't have to worry about it & hung up. Then he texted me that he blocked me in Facebook. Yea. So I didn't respond. He calls back & I was calm & said that if me asking who a woman he is friending on FB is results in him blocking me on Facebook & moving out, then so be it. I need transparency. He said, if you want to go meet her next time he goes, then great. I repeated again if he calls or texts her & he said she texted him once when grandma was in the hospital...paused, then said "this is the deal. You remember word for word what I say, then if I even slightly contradict myself, you will make a deal out of it & then we'll fight & I'll flip out. I said nothing, then he said have a great weekend
Here I am, faced with the prospect that he is now adding ANOTHER woman into this deal. I can't do this anymore. He later called me repeatedly, I didn't answer & he left a message that he is truely sorry & then friend requested me. At a minimum I plan to tell him my boundaries are that he defriends both woman off FB & any others that I don't personally now. That anytime he is in the house, he has his phone off silent (started keeping it on vibrate a month again) and I can ask to see it anytime I want. Maximum-get out until you can be honest.
I don't know that I'll tell him I looked at his phone & know she texted him "are you with tallula tonight?" I'm absolutely sick to my stomach.
Advice? Suggestions?
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
We are definitely living the same life right now. I am at my wits end. I wish I could give you some advise but my H is exactly the same. Does what he wants. Things get better as long as I tolerate it and say nothing. Once I question him or give boundaries everything goes backwards and we argue. I don't want to argue anymore. To be honest, things only get better once I tell myself we are done and I don't care.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
So, here's the rest of my day. Didn't call, he called me. He left for his guys night. I went on Facebook and was scrolling threw my news feed when I see that he friended a girl. Remember the number I reversed looked up...yep. So I called him and asked who this woman was. A nurse at his grandmas home. The home he had to go visit last night at 7pm a night. So I then asked what kind of friendship they have. Do they call each other, text? He got pissed and said he would move out when he got back so I wouldn't have to worry about it & hung up. Then he texted me that he blocked me in Facebook. Yea. So I didn't respond. He calls back & I was calm & said that if me asking who a woman he is friending on FB is results in him blocking me on Facebook & moving out, then so be it. I need transparency. He said, if you want to go meet her next time he goes, then great. I repeated again if he calls or texts her & he said she texted him once when grandma was in the hospital...paused, then said "this is the deal. You remember word for word what I say, then if I even slightly contradict myself, you will make a deal out of it & then we'll fight & I'll flip out. I said nothing, then he said have a great weekend
Here I am, faced with the prospect that he is now adding ANOTHER woman into this deal. I can't do this anymore. He later called me repeatedly, I didn't answer & he left a message that he is truely sorry & then friend requested me. At a minimum I plan to tell him my boundaries are that he defriends both woman off FB & any others that I don't personally now. That anytime he is in the house, he has his phone off silent (started keeping it on vibrate a month again) and I can ask to see it anytime I want. Maximum-get out until you can be honest.
I don't know that I'll tell him I looked at his phone & know she texted him "are you with tallula tonight?" I'm absolutely sick to my stomach.
Advice? Suggestions?
I'm sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. Well after reading your posts and specifically this one my advice is to let him go. I know that it sounds like it's against DBing but I do believe you said he has cheated before you were M? I think you have a serial cheater on your hands. He will never stop. I do agree that he would need to be transparent but it seems like he doesn't want that so what does that tell you?
You need to ask yourself if you think you will be able to ever have complete trust in him. I have been where you are and I know the pain. My W had two A's and I know that my M is pretty much over at this point but if I found out that she was having another A it would prompt me to go file ASAP.
You deserve better than this and I'm afraid that no matter how well you treat him he won't stop this behavior. Let him go.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Yeah. He never cheated until we actually got married. I'm going to tell him to leave when he gets back in town. I may still go about it in the, you give me total transparency or get out until you are willing, because I don't see him doing it so he'll leave.
He texted this morning. I don't feel like responding. I'm really feeling done. I don't deserve this.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Keep doing the 180. Pressure is the one thing to always avoid when relationships are not healthy, so do your best not to pressure him. It pushes them further away. Did you ever think of the possibility that he may be getting pressure from the OW, and that may be moving him back toward you as well. It does not seem like he is really ready to let go, so hang in there.
