Hi Sweetbriar, I've been thinking a lot about you. Remember Admiral d@mn forgot his name. The one that was a war veteran and a presidential candidate. Well his words got me through the last 8mos.
Keep moving forward. You have a lot of support here!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Glad you had fun putting together the baby's room! I'm sure your shower was very nice.
You must be gettin excited/anxious for the baby's birth. I know your girls will be a HUGE help.
I hope for you that you can refocus your thoughts to yourself and your children now. You deserve that. Your baby will only be small for a short time, as you know, so enjoy the time and try to count the blessings you do have in your life. It know it's not easy.
(((((HUGS)))))
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Hi there SB! Glad you're doing ok. Hang in there. Good job for getting off the computer for a while. Sometimes obsessing on this stuff doesn't make you feel any better, and then it's time to take a break. But let us know next time so we don't worry about you! (((hugs)))
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Morning! I just logged on this morning thinking I should give an update and I see that some have asked where I have been. Sorry that I have been a slacker on posting!
Life has gotten better, I must say. I still am dealing with H and OW in the back of my mind, but its true when everyone says it gets better. I still get sad, I still cry sometimes and yes, I still don't understand why H has chosen this path for us. We still have NC except for the VERY OCCASIONAL text about the baby. I am still pregnant but will be delivering on March 5th, if he doesn't come sooner! It could be any day, as I am dialated 3 cms and ready! 38 weeks already!
H has sent a few texts over the past couple weeks asking how I am feeling. I have answered with only one or 2 word answers. I really dont give him any time at all. I am still having a lot of problems with the way he interacts with my girls...still very inappropriate emails about his life and how depressed he is. The most recent was a conversation he had with my D14 when they were out to dinner. He told her that I as a horrible wife for our whole marriage and that I dont know how to treat men. He said that he hopes that she doesnt turn out anything like me when she gets older. This was hard for me to hear, as not only is this something that SHOULDNT be told to my D, but that he still things this. He hasnt changed at all in the 7 months that he has been gone.
It will be 1 year that he met OW in March. It still baffles me that they are still together...I really thought that it would wear out, but honestly, the initial high must be wearing off becuase he is reaching out more and more to my girls. He asks them to "hang out" almost every weekend and they decline. They do see him once a week at dinner. Its sad what has become of this man. I havent seen him in months, but can only believe from the emails and conversations he has with the girls that he is still dealing a lot with his depression and child hood issues. Told my D that he has tried to bring up his issues with his dad, since he is living part time there, and his father is unwilling to take any blame. He also has now catagorized his dad and I together. Says to my girls that we were both abusive. He is still justifying all his behaviors.
He will be coming to see the baby after he is born at the hospital. He has pitched a fit about not being able to name him, or be in there for the delivery, but I have chosen for myself that this is the best. I am willing to have him here at the house to see his son once he is born. I think he has accepted that for now. I am scared that monster mode may kick in again once the baby is born and Im trying to prepare myself for that , although is there ever a preparation for anything that H may do?
I am sure that our divorce will come at the end of the summer. H is still trying to get his own place (his dad is trying to buy something for him and he will pay the mortgage) but as of now, he is staying at OWs pretty frequently, as he told my kids. That didnt surprise me or upset me, as I know they are together. I would be lying if I said that I cannot wait for something to happen and they break up, but I just dont know if that will happen. I think they are both very broken individuals who are needing each other right now...maybe forever??? Like I mentioned before, I think the "high" is wearing off, but they are still together. H is still spewing bad things about me, and he is still lost. Looks to me like a never ending story at this point.
Because of all of this, I have kept my distance, dont engage with him at all and let myself try to heal a little. I am very excited to have my baby and get settled in a new routine. I know its going to be hard and I do believe that some old emotions could resurface when reality hits that Im holding a baby of "ours" and he is with OW. Its another piece of the puzzle that I will have to put together for myself.
At this point, I cannot imagine being with H. He is so different, that I cannot imagine living with him or having a relationship with him. I know it was best now that he left because had he stayed, my girls and I would have been miserable. I really dont have high hopes of him ever coming back. He really seems to hate me and be done with me. He still isnt happy , but continues to run...trying harder and harder to get to happiness. He will never find it if he doesnt look within. He will continue to blame his parents and now me for all his unhappiness.
Of course, this is a short version of the past couple months...there has been a lot of stuff in between, but for the most part, my girls and I are doing very well. I know there will be things in the future (house and divorce) that will be very hard to handle, but for now, Im anticipating my son and how much joy he will bring me. I also continue to find much happiness in my girls, my family and my friends who still stand beside me so firmly! They are my saving grace and there will never be enough words to thank them for all they have done for me and my girls.
Please pray for me that I will have an easy delivery! Baby was already 8 lbs 2 weeks ago...so he is gonna be a big guy! That is why Im being induced on the 5th! I will keep the board posted after delivery! I also pray for calmness and peace with H as we have to face each other for the first time in a long time. This will be very hard for me, I must admit, to be face to face with him and know how awful he thinks I am and how OW is now the apple of his eye...especially when Im looking so fabulous in the hospital after having a baby..NOT. Going to be awkward!
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Praying for you and your baby. I could not imagine going through all of this and being pregnant (well pregnant in any way lol). You are a strong woman.
Quote:
The most recent was a conversation he had with my D14 when they were out to dinner. He told her that I as a horrible wife for our whole marriage and that I dont know how to treat men. He said that he hopes that she doesnt turn out anything like me when she gets older. This was hard for me to hear, as not only is this something that SHOULDNT be told to my D, but that he still things this. He hasnt changed at all in the 7 months that he has been gone.
That's rough, I have a name for that but will not use it on this forum. Have you asked your d how this makes her feel when he says things like that? She has the right and authority to tell her father to stop putting you down in front of her. A great teaching opportunity for you and her about setting healthy boundaries and enforcing them in a loving yet firm way.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Hi SB, Its really good to hear from you again. I was starting to think maybe you went into labor early or something!
You sound very well. I I am excited for you and the upcoming arrival of your new baby boy. I am praying for you and your family. What a joy in the midst of al of this ugliness. Focus on that, as you seem to be doing.
I agree with sub guy about the inappropriateness of H's conversations with your D, and the importance of talking to her about how it makes her feel.
I wonder if at some point (and if this is a good idea) you are able to sit down with H and without accusation, explain to him how this affects her? How it is better for him and her for him to focus on her needs at this time?
I don't know. Just a thought. I just hate to think of the pain and confusion she must feel when hearing such horrible things.
big hug SB (((((((((( )))))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi Sweetbriar! I've missed you. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it, because your post sounds incredibly emotionally healthy.
I am so excited for you to have a baby boy. They are the best things in the world, well possibly next to baby girls but I don't know so much about those. I cannot believe you're almost there!
I will pray for you to have an easy delivery and an easy visit with H afterwards. Don't expect anything from him at all, nothing in any way appropriate, and do your own right thing regardless of him, that's what I'd recommend. Having him over to the house sounds like the right thing to do and hopefully he will behave himself.
Gigantic hugs for you (((((((SB)))))), your neighbor, Adinva
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks for the update. You sound very strong focusing on yourself and your kids. Your amazing attitude doesn't change the fact that this is all very painful and hard, and I get that and am sorry you also have to go through all of this, but you definitely are doing all the right things and taking care of what you can control.
Your H's behavior with the kids is so very inappropriate and sad. Hopefully your girls are still going to C or have a place where they can express their emotions and concerns. I cannot imagine how so very hard it must also be for them to be stuck in the middle. Sadly your H sounds like he is in a really bad place and I doubt he can see anything clearly, much less how much damage he is inflicting to his own kids.
I hope your delivery goes well and is not too long. I was induced with all 3 kids and it was a very long and tedious process, but it was nice knowing when they would arrive and it gave me a chance to prepare as well. Plus to me, nothing beats welcoming my little ones to this world. Words cannot describe such an experience and we are lucky we get to have it.
Sending you good vibes and I look forward to hearing from you soon with very good news.
Take care!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
