Random musings

[mirage]

Thought I would post some random musings almost 3 yrs post bomb.
GAL Activities.
Reading, especially Hollis, Jung, meditation and real inner work books as well as some fluff. Bowling, boating, basketball, misc adventures, single fathering, skydiving(highly recommended)

I do not have a coparenting relationship with my MLC'er. By the way Bustorama great post. My EXW/MLC is one where nothing would have worked. I actually detached early on as I was a former MLC'er myself and understood this was the only way.

I wrote a letter to My EXW about a month ago. Basically a olive branch so that maybe she would feel comfortable enough to stop going through our daughter to communicate with me. What came back was a manifesto of sorts. She stated she was still in therapy and that I should go as she can see how messed up I am and it has helped her immensely. I don't know if thats true or not. What I know is that I'm thankful I got out of the way of that tornado long ago and was able to move ahead and create a new life. One that is full of new adventures and actually fulfilling.

My only look into where the EXW is at is through the eyes of my oldest son. Understand the two oldest boys have lived with me from the time she left till the present. My youngest daughter has gone from 90% with me to about 60%. I have not interferred with that process although it is more difficult since there is no communication from her to I. In the letter I wrote to her that she can call me anytime regarding daughter. That I understood her choices and that has no bearing on the raising of our daughter. I got the letter back saying basically the same thing but communication is still the same.

I will listen to what the oldest says and validate that he still feels frustrated with his mother. His biggest issue is she is always right and if you say anything contradictery she gets mad raises her voice and tells you, you are wrong. He thanked me for being a supportive dad.

What I have learned through all of this. There is more that you don't know about your partner than you do. What lurks in the darkness of your mind can and will bite you in life. A person is not prepared for what that darkness can bring.

Also there is a light that can come from this darkness. A light, airy feeling of peace. This journey allows that to happen if your open to it. Its not the easiest thing to be open too, but the rewards are there. Acceptance to what is happening, forgiveness to those that don't always deserve it. Those things ironically allow you to be free to taste that peace. Its wierd that in one of the worst things that can happen in life, a reward is waiting for us. Life is such a paradox at times. It allows me to marvel at this thing we call life.

Again, this website is a blessing. I feel for all who are new and going through this tough phase in your life. Allow the experiences you read about to help lead you to that better internal life. This life is lived from the inside out. I think most on here can appreciate the line above.

Mirage

[BeingMe]

I agree with you when you say: "There is more that you don't know about your partner than you do. What lurks in the darkness of your mind can and will bite you in life. A person is not prepared for what that darkness can bring." My H admitted to me last night that he is "such an a-hole." I didn't disagree. I felt he was trying to get some sympathy out of me because he is realizing how dividing our resources will leave each of us with just enough to live on. I forgave my H for the initial EA, but not for leading me on for 7 years, while we were making a "new start." I know that I will do so eventually, once we're divorced and living apart. I think there is so much that he hasn't told me, but he did say it's none of my business. So one can assume it's pretty bad.

Good musings, Mirage. I like your GAL activities, except for the skydiving. I'm too afraid of heights. I am lucky to have the most delightful children ever ... my D20 is my younger me, and we get on so well. We can chat for hours. I've joined the local astronomy club, and authors group. I am halfway through a creative writing degree, and am looking forward to getting a writing job (I hope, otherwise my book will have to sell once it's finished - ha). And, I do a lot of walking in nature, or dancing to my Wii dance cd's. Dancing makes me happy while I sweat.

I also find this bb a blessing. I've been on it for about 8 years. Long time, but I've learnt so much in that time.