First, try to not address the physical intimacy part of your sitch for a full 4 weeks. Engage only on the other love languages. This will help re-build his trust by seeing the changes you are making there are sincere.
I want to underscore what someone else noted before. The HD spouse does not want you to be doing this for him/her. They feel disgusted with themselves if it looks like you are forcing it/faking it. Any hint of that will drive them away.
A perfect and immediate 180 change in your relationship to sexual intimacy will either look forced or worse make it appear that you had HD the whole time and were intentionally witholding it. Additionally an abrupt change can't be good for the LD spouse in terms of their own psychology, they could take steps that feel demeaning and or/result in bitterness toward the other spouse.
Rather I suspect that its better for to it be a process of growth and learning You lead the way and hopefully he will follow and learn what he needs to do to support you.
The last discussion we are ready to have is that on intimacy. He's still not sure he wants to be in the marriage. Our retrov went well last night. Hoping this is the start of something.
H:37 W:37 M:10 years D:7&5 Bomb:9/7/12. H moves out H moved back 12/23/12-not going well Retrouvaille 1/18 H moving out again 3/14
I am really working hard at trying to stay positive. It's very hard for me to think that him moving out does not signal the end. I see it as the end, however we are not talking D at all. I really need to stop this negative thinking.
H:37 W:37 M:10 years D:7&5 Bomb:9/7/12. H moves out H moved back 12/23/12-not going well Retrouvaille 1/18 H moving out again 3/14
First, try to not address the physical intimacy part of your sitch for a full 4 weeks. Engage only on the other love languages. This will help re-build his trust by seeing the changes you are making there are sincere.
I want to underscore what someone else noted before. The HD spouse does not want you to be doing this for him/her. They feel disgusted with themselves if it looks like you are forcing it/faking it. Any hint of that will drive them away.
A perfect and immediate 180 change in your relationship to sexual intimacy will either look forced or worse make it appear that you had HD the whole time and were intentionally witholding it. Additionally an abrupt change can't be good for the LD spouse in terms of their own psychology, they could take steps that feel demeaning and or/result in bitterness toward the other spouse.
Rather I suspect that its better for to it be a process of growth and learning You lead the way and hopefully he will follow and learn what he needs to do to support you.
Good advice...for me too
AM glad that retro went well the other night! Stay positive!
