Still very hard

[Dewayne]

Ok, I started a new topic because my updates weren't being made to my original thread "Almost Over"

Long story short. Things were great I thought. T11, M7, 3yo Daughter. I'm 35 she's 27 (28 in Jan) Started a Haunted House as a business in Jan. March sold property. Before signing papers I asked wife is she was happy with us, with me, is there any dynamic that isn't perfect before we proceed? She said she was very happy with me and us.

Teens (haunted house help / actors showed up) showed up to help. She spent more and more time with them. We had a fight. I moved to other room. She cheated. Left baby in bd locked in w/o telling anyone while she went to a party.

Now, she's filed for D. Pushing hard. I signed papers as advised from people to (give her what she wants) She's living with bro.. I'm living with friend. Lost all assets and savings in the failed haunt. yes, failed because of this b/s. She didn't do her job because she was out with her friends all the time. left me in the dust.

Her friends from the haunt are mostly gone now but she has a new circle of friends from her new jobs. (Movie Theater) all of them are like 21. She's gaslighting? Making things sound worse, ex. was on phone last night she was overreacting to everything being said, then I realized that her new "friend" (a new 21yo kid from work) was there as was her brother. It instantly reminded me she's trying to justify herself and actions.

Here's the delima. I told her weeks ago to stop the hugging and touching if she wasn't sincere because when I asked she said "I was just trying to be nice" It stopped for 3 weeks or more. The other day she came in and hugged me tight after me being dark for over a week. ignored all calls and texts. Then we went out to McD's for supper and kid to play. She wanted to see a movie. As I dropped her off, she talked about when we could go see the movie (was too late to make the movie) and making plans, all the while touching my hand (was on gear shifter) Did it twice, then I grabbed her hand and she squeezed.

Then I find this the other day ( no ?'s on how please) (facebook msg to original OM)
"Dec 5th: ya. i understand. im trying to save up for a place i can afford on my own cus scarlett and ryan cant help with rent and i dont trust just anyone to live with me. i'd love for my friend to get a place with me but he refuses to move just yet. he's a bit of a mama's boy but he makes me so happy."

He's a KID! 21 yo and living with mom and is a real... KID...don't understand.

Should I continue to try 180* real hard? Or should I tell her I'm tired of feeling like plan b and being treated like crap and disrespected? Which is best? Thanks for any input. There's more details, just PM or ask here and I'll be happy, but still under moderation so may take a while to show up.

[Cadet]

bump

[chatterbug]

The touching is to keep you in limbo. A wayward's goal is to keep you in check and have fun with other guys at the same time. It's purely an ego stroking play on her part. There is no affection or any of that behind the action.

Your choice here is to actually enforce your boundary stated previously or continue to let it slide.

Why are you negotiating your marriage? Appeasement does not work.

I hope those who advised you to sign those papers were legal advisers and not friends or family.

I would be going for full custody of the children. Documenting and finding facts to back up that custody issue. I also would be going for childsupport and spousal support. I would only be communicating this with my lawyer. I would not tell my cheating spouse of my plans. I would prepare them and then enact them. I would not be worrying over trivial stuff such as cheating wife touching hand while driving. I would calmly just say. You lost the right to touch me when you committed adultery. Do not touch me again.



That's my advice. I believe in a strong stance against Adultery. I believe in protecting your rights as a father. I believe in personal-growth and healing. I am very pro healthy marriage based on strong boundaries, communication and trust. I do not believe in limbo.