ok..the short version...my H closed his business a yr ago. Shortly after that he changed. Got a new job but was never home. Worked all night many days n I suspected he cheating. He grew angry n blamed me for everything. Told me I wasn't his wife anymore n was basically irrational. kids kept asking where he was..pretty much stopped coming home. Lost his new job in Aug. Things got worse. I got the ILYBNILWY speech. H almost never comes home n wont say where he is. Suddenly starts coming round just as I accidentally caught him. Dating OW for a yr. Started the week his business closed. She posted all their pics n dates on fb for the past year. He suddenly wants to work things out. I tell him i need time n finally start to come around when he becomes irrational n nasty n says i told people so its over bc i embarrassed him. still together in same house. I've backed off so we getting along. Not sure what to make of it. He swears over w OW but still goes out at night w no explanation. Won't tell me where he is n says its bc i bother him about it. all i ever do is ask. Do I ignore him n let him keep doing it? not sure where to go from here. i cry all the time..its affecting my job, my kids, everything. Im no longer crying in front of H.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
as a follow up things getting progressively worse...H sleeps out every night w no explanation but still swears not w OW...try not to get mad but i camt help flipping out when my sons aged 7 and 11 are very upset about it. H has been nasty to the boys as well. I feel like he angry w everything bc he has no job our finances are in the toilet n I think the OW did dump him...at least that what she told me. Last week his car got repossesed bc...oops I missed a payment...i didnt think bank would take it for one payment but in light of everything i cant s ay im too upset. He blames me for that too. Got in huge argument bc he didnt come home Sat night n last night he did same thing leaving me hanging in morning w my kids when i had to go to work. i left them alone n called him. He showed up home an hr later n said he did on purpose bc he was mad at me for causing the argument the prior day. The kids dont even want to b around him. No one thinks i should stay w him but I keep trying. Am I wasting time? He clearly having MLC n fits definition to a T. Hes not the same. My older son keeps asking what happened to him.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
If he's out of work, where is he getting the money to go out partying every night? How is he getting there if his car was repossessed? I guess what I'm asking is are you enabling his behavior? Because if you are, you need to stop right away.
he getting unemployment. we waited twelve weeks for the unemployment to kick in bc of some administrative glitch. when he finally got it he went out n bought sports car. we were already behind on our mortgage. he would never have done this before. we had huge argument the other day. he said im the root of all his problems n he has changed bc of me. he says he wants to separate. then he acts at home like everything fine. we get along but he wont touch me or sleep in the room w me. its a rollercoaster ride. i cant take the ups n downs.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
I cry all the time. Im starting IC on Monday. I need it. My H does not take any responsibilty for the mess he made of our lives. He always angry w me. My 11S very angry. He constantly acts out and lashes out at me. He was such a calm loving child before. I tried explaining to my H that the kids cant handle him coming and going all the time n they feel abandoned. He doesnt get it n says it all my fault n he hates me. Prior to the OW I cant remember a time when he would speak like that to me. Its as if aliens took over his body. I started reading DR n as of late have completely stopped asking his whereabouts. i also stopped being so available by phone. im trying to distance myself for my own sanity. i would appreciate any advice on how to get thru this w my sanity still intact.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
H had job interview this morning. I got up n took kids to basketball. I got text complaining he was late for his interview bc his clothes werent ready for him. Why is this still my responsibility? He is an adult and it is his choice to want to separate.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
H left for his interview this morn at 9 AM. Its now 11:30 pm n still havent heard from him. I guess I should come to the realization OW still in picture n he lying to me.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
H left for his interview this morn at 9 AM. Its now 11:30 pm n still havent heard from him. I guess I should come to the realization OW still in picture n he lying to me.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
when he finally got it he went out n bought sports car. we were already behind on our mortgage. he would never have done this before. we had huge argument the other day. he said im the root of all his problems n he has changed bc of me. he says he wants to separate. then he acts at home like everything fine. we get along but he wont touch me or sleep in the room w me. its a rollercoaster ride. i cant take the ups n downs.
That sure sounds like MLC.
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Im starting IC on Monday. I need it.
Talk to the IC about your S too, he may need IC as well.
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I tried explaining to my H that the kids cant handle him coming and going all the time n they feel abandoned. He doesnt get it n says it all my fault n he hates me. Prior to the OW I cant remember a time when he would speak like that to me. Its as if aliens took over his body.
The "alien" comment is actually fairly common in the case of MLC. Many spouses say the same thing.
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i would appreciate any advice on how to get thru this w my sanity still intact.
IC is a good step, you might also talk to the IC about how you're feeling and see if the C thinks you should see a PCP about depression medication. Many of us on these forums have had to get anti-depressants to help us through the worst of this.
Originally Posted By: tiredndrained
I got text complaining he was late for his interview bc his clothes werent ready for him. Why is this still my responsibility? He is an adult and it is his choice to want to separate.
Right, it's his issue, not yours. Don't let it escalate into an argument though, just tell him that since you're separated he's going to have to get used to taking care of himself. If he wants to push it then just let it drop.
