The Waiting is the Hardest Part

[tori2012]

FY, anything new with you? Thank you for your posts...they are always so encouraging and uplifting.

Have you thought about doing something different with your W? Maybe you can both sign up for a class?

[ForeverYoung]

FY, anything new with you?

Thanks for checking in Tori.

My TKD class that I will be running at my workplace has been moved forward one week, so I have a little more time to prepare. I've started to throw some thoughts together for the March 15th Lunch & Learn presentation I have to give to sell myself and my class. If all goes well the actual class starts the following week!

My youngest sister (wife's best friend) asked me to train her in martial arts because she wants to get herself in shape. Last Wednesday was her first session. A beginner, she's actually helping me get back in tune with working with students who have no experience. She's reminded me what I can and cannot expect with noobies, and how best to tailor my curriculum to accommodate them. I hope she continues.

I went to the Chicago World of Wheels show with my brother tonight, it was huge and we had a good time. He told me about the new job he is soon starting, which offers a higher wage and better benefits. I'm very happy for him because I know finances have been tight for him and his family. My wife invited her GF over to our house, and they cooked dinner and drank wine together.

Thank you for your posts...they are always so encouraging and uplifting.

You're very welcome. Your behavior through your entire sitch has been exemplary. I'm proud of you, and you should feel proud of yourself!

Have you thought about doing something different with your W? Maybe you can both sign up for a class?

I'm not sure what I can do different with W. She is cool to me, and prefers to not connect any more than necessary. I doubt she would join a class with me. One night she was working out in our home gym, and when I came down to join her she mumbled something and left. I hadn't yet worked up a sweat, so I know that wasn't the problem! It seems I'm cooties right now.

[lionhrt]

FY, I like your posts re the music and lyrics. My W too listens to the lyrics and uses them to express how she feels. Should be no surprise that her tune of choice before and after BD was born to run by Bruce Springsteen . The other one was broken by Lyndrd Skynrd (if thats how you spell it!). All great for keeping the spirits up:)

Having caught glimpses of her collection at her place W seems to have gone back to teenage years with a whole host of bands she used to listen to as a teenager.

Nice one on the class by the way. Sure it will be a great success and it will take your mind off W.

Cheers for the advice on my thread and take care.

[VeryGrateful]

FY, you are a great person and motivate me to keep going. Really awesome with the TKD class you are putting together. Just considering your W you wonder if she sees what a true, loving commitment you are making?

My youngest sister (wife's best friend)

You mentioned this in another post. This must be an interesting dynamic. I assume your sister is aware of the sitch? Are you able to talk to your sister about it or does her friendship with W preclude you from that? I believe you have mentioned several times that your parents are not aware and that W seems all normal when you visit them? Are you able to talk to brother about sitch (believe you've menioned that in another post)?

Stay strong FY. I'm cheering for you.

[ForeverYoung]

rky: It sounds like your wife is maybe yearning to be a rebel! Yes, the music thing is fun to look at, but we can't take it too seriously. I will update more regarding W's favorite songs at a later date. Oh, and the wine W and single GF shared last night? "Hot to Trot"! Yikes!

FY, you are a great person and motivate me to keep going. Really awesome with the TKD class you are putting together. Just considering your W you wonder if she sees what a true, loving commitment you are making?

Thanks for the kind words. It is very nice to know I have helped others, like others here have, and continue to help me. That's what makes DB the best board for MLC standers like us, in my opinion. We're all in the same sinking ship with a puny little patience shovel for a paddle!

My youngest sister (wife's best friend)

You mentioned this in another post. This must be an interesting dynamic. I assume your sister is aware of the sitch? Are you able to talk to your sister about it or does her friendship with W preclude you from that? I believe you have mentioned several times that your parents are not aware and that W seems all normal when you visit them? Are you able to talk to brother about sitch (believe you've menioned that in another post)?

Stay strong FY. I'm cheering for you.

Regarding sis and W being close, yes it is interesting. Especially since sis left her H about 7-8 months ago and W is "coaching" her to be strong and make it on her own. W sometimes tells me of their conversations, so I know this is the case.

While we get along great, I'm not nearly as close to my sis as W is.

Does sis know about W's issues? I don't know. If she does she'd be a great poker player, because she's never let on when we were together, even when it's been just me and her. One time, when W was off on one of her solo vacations, sis and I went out for a bike ride and lunch, and talked for several hours. Not a word about our sitch, and only a little about hers.

My guess is she at least knows W is unhappy, but not much more. Wife never liked others to know her/our personal business, and has told me that she figures the family would see her as the "bad guy" for leaving wonderful me. (ok, I added the wonderful part) So that's why she hasn't let the cat out of the bag.

As far as I can tell, no one in either of our families know the extent of her discontent. I believe this has helped us greatly to make it this far without pressure from others making things worse.

[lionhrt]

"Oh, and the wine W and single GF shared last night? "Hot to Trot"! Yikes!"

ha ha! I missed this earlier

You seem to have things very much in control and the way home is v smooth and clean for W to return to. Really does sound like you just need to live your own life and be patient.

I have always felt like you guys will get there and have my fingers crossed for you.

Keep going and thanks for your post earlier. It helped a lot.

[tori2012]

FY, how are things going? Just wanted to check on you.

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks for the check in Tori, I haven't posted for a while since not much has changed.

Wife is still cool to me, so I'm continuing to give her space. She seems to be wallowing in and out of a mild depression. No fighting/spewing, but no connecting. We're friendly roommates who share the chores. It's weird when you live together and have such little interaction, but I truly feel it's still better for the M (and finances) than living separate, so I deal with it.

My TKD class presentation was moved up again, to next Friday. This is ok, as I'm sure it will still be a go, and heard there is already a strong interest in it! Just knowing I have this coming up has been huge for me. It's really helping me feel good about myself and my life, at a time when I could sure use it. I will post more about this as things unfold.

I went to see "Oz, the great and powerful" last night. I asked W if she wanted to go, but she said no, because she heard the ratings were bad. (so?) A few minutes later my buddy called and asked if I wanted to go see it with him and his family!

I highly recommend this movie. The lead character, "Oz", a traveling carnival magician, is in a sort of life crises of his own. Completely dissatisfied with his lot in life, he wishes he could "do something great", but really doesn't believe in himself. Go see it.

[Wendylon]

Hi FY,

You sound as if you're doing really well. I hope your TKD presentation is a success on Friday. It's great that you have something like that in your life.

I guess it's been about a year since the ILYBINILWY speech. How do you feel that you are doing now compared to a year ago? Maybe it's a good time to recap how you've changed and your 180s and look ahead to more.

Hearing about you and your sitch helps me with mine. I admire your patience and steadfastness.

[VeryGrateful]

Wife is still cool to me, so I'm continuing to give her space. She seems to be wallowing in and out of a mild depression. No fighting/spewing, but no connecting.

Thanks for sharing FY. I know this feeling of coolness and no connecting. It hurts. What my W has indicated is that she didn't feel enough emotional connection in our M. Yet, since our sitch began I feel our connection and closeness has descended and this is hard to take. Feel like my W is making no effort to turn this around. As I've seen stated on this forum I guess us LBSers need to do the heavy lifting.

Also, feel like we are simply friendly neighbors at this point.

Just been really down more than not in the last couple weeks. Feel like I'm going through the grieving of the loss of my best friend and partner. That feeling has really hit me hard recently.

Happy I have some friends to turn to and actually couple of friends that are periodically checking on me. So keeps me going.

I admire your patience FY.