Last thread was locked but I want and need this to keep going. Please ready the last thread and let's continue. I basically left it at that I just got my DB and DR books in the mail.
Ok, guys, talk to me. Is is wrong to want to consider reconciliation in the future? Is it unhealthy? Is it silly? I know it is not what I should be focusing on, but you've seen my thread, I'm going to start DBing now that I have the book, etc. Does it actually happen with normal people that had safe, non-abuse relationships that didn't include any substance abuse or disrespect? Do people actually do this?
Ok, guys, talk to me. Is is wrong to want to consider reconciliation in the future? Is it unhealthy? Is it silly? I know it is not what I should be focusing on, but you've seen my thread, I'm going to start DBing now that I have the book, etc. Does it actually happen with normal people that had safe, non-abuse relationships that didn't include any substance abuse or disrespect? Do people actually do this?
YUP people do it. It is not wrong to consider reconcilliation. It is wrong to EXPECT it. But not to HOPE for it. It is unhealthy to not DETACH.
Why do you think MWD has this site? Do you think she is here to encourage divorce?
Ok, I've started reading DB - and to be honest I'm a little confused. I've gotten to page 102 and thus far still have no idea what DBing really is. It explained a lot about theory and why people may be doing or not doing things or feeling a particular way. But, still, I am not getting much in the way of DBing - should I have by now???
The difficulty for you is that you're already D'd. The first half of the book talks about relationship dynamics and why people feel the way they do. It's not an automatic playbook on how to get your W back. You have to understand the whys before the how-to's.
What behaviors of yours did your W complain about? Have they been corrected?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The issue my wife had, now my XW, was basically that I didn't take initiative to live my life to the fullest. There was absolutely no physical/verbal/psychological abuse/substance abuse. We respected each other, we took care of our responsibilities when it came to working, income, bill paying, cooking, cleaning, etc. All household and daily activities. What did it was really that I was not fully living my life, I was stressed because of work and didn't get up off my butt to make new friends, to suggest things to do on the weekend, to go out on my own or with my friends to give her some alone time, etc. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was... Yes, now, as is usually the case, after the D I have got on all that stuff, made new friends, got up and started doing things in my life. I already know the why's, and I know they why's on why I didn't do those things. I'll keep reading I just still don't know what "DBing" is...or is it just what I've already been doing since the D?
Ok, I'm going to be a little bit of a baby...just a little. I need something to reach for. Can you guys give me three hard core, meat and bones things are "DBing" and that are in the book. Please include the page number - I need to see it, need to have something to believe in...
You don't get it. DBing isn't just a set of rules. They are how you LIVE life. If your W said you were too clingy and didn't live life, then stop being clingy and live life. Do things for yourself and not for her.
DBing teaches that when you start believing in yourself, your spouse might see the positive changes in you and come back. No one can give you an EXACT of what to do because every situation is different.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
