On the whole, I have so many things to be thankful for..
Often times, I think, people have mistaken my search for "looking at the blessings" as being glib or not really feeling the pain.
There are several others that I see getting the same reaction when they advise people to search for the blessings in our situations.
I haven't had a thread in forever, frankly, but I see people spinning their wheels in places of anger and self-righteousness.
For years (years really) we would have threads in MLC called being thankful or blessings or whatever...to remind us of things we have to be thankful for.
Those threads taught me to take nothing NOTHING for granted...a skill that has proven beneficial in real life...everyday situations.
As many of you know, I have a daughter with special needs. She has intractable epilepsy (meaning she has tried and failed over 3 drugs and will have epilepsy for forever), the epilepsy has given her brain damage and because of that she has delays in several areas of development. She has autism and she also gets meds and at least one meal a day through a g-tube in her stomach. Cori and I have met in the little rooms in the hospitals with doctors twice already, where they tell you that your daughter might not make it and would you consider donating her organs in the event that she passes. Cori and I also plow through the whole blended family field, which is not easy, especially as his daughter was diagnosed with RAD/severe attachment disorder. Her disorder causes her to not have empathy and she has(at a monthly minimum ) tried to kill Finn 3 times.
All these things are things we have needed to seek out help for, adapt with and while sucky, find the blessings in or around because it is our life.
Because of the Finn's diagnosis, we have met many amazing families dealing with some of the same issues... many of them are without their children this Christmas and every Christmas.
Our friends lost their two year old son on Thursday evening. He died from epilepsy and the brain atrophy that often accompanies it. They are burying their son and still finding blessings....
Stop being stuck in a mire of your own making. You may not have initiated the divorce or had an affair but you are spinning your wheels right now. You are trapping yourself. No one is doing anything TO you but yourselves.
You can choose to participate in sinking yourself further in or you can pull yourself out...find blessings, no matter how small...once you start finding them, you will be amazed at how many blessings surround you.
Very well said. I am trying very hard not to be stuck. I do new things, things I wouldn't have done in the past. If someone invites me to do something, I go.
Hence Midnight Mass last night. I am not Catholic. But I enjoyed the whole event. Even the waiting. I lived in the moment. It was a nice service.
I will continue on. I have a line on a real job. I will find my place in this world. I am sorry I spent so much of the last year (or two) being stuck.
The world is full of blessings. You asre right about that!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
It really is how people perceive the world they live in - some look around and see how much worse others have it and how fortunate they are to have the blessings they have in life. Others will look around and see how much better off other people are than them and how unfair that seems. At the end of the day what view makes you happiest in life.
I am extremely thankful for the many, many blessings I have.
I saw a great idea...a jar that you fill with notes or small blessings...
you fill the jar throughout the year and then on new year's eve, you open the jar and read all your blessings
my daughter has learned to say
"I yub oo"
which is now her response whenever she does something remotely mischievous. After 3 1/2 years of waiting to hear those words, she could use them to get away with a lot
When we were first given Finn's diagnosis, I remember leaving the parking lot and forgetting the whole file worth of stuff on the top of the van. When I stopped to pay the parking ticket, I saw all the papers blowing everywhere and I completely lost it and starting sobbing. People starting getting out of their cars and helping gather papers and the person in the ticket booth came out and helped me and then waived me through.
I remember thinking I couldn't breathe and I would never be able to breathe again.
With each failed drug, her outlook became worse and my anxiety became higher. I remember sobbing because of all the things they told us she would never do.
Add to that her autism diagnosis
Then her failure to gain weight and constant hospitalizations
2 times they told us she was going to die
once she wasn't even stable enough to air lift to the hospital they wanted to get her too so we had to sign papers saying we were OK with her being treated where she was because they couldn't let us on the helicopter with her and the paramedics told us that they didn't think she would last the trip...
to sign a paper saying that it was OK to treat her because I didn't want her to die alone without me
then there was the emergency g-tube surgery...while she had a fever and was horrible sick, crash carts outside our room...because her throat was closing and her veins were blowing
....................................
and yet
because of her
I have learned to cherish each small thing I took so for granted with the boys
each tiny step each messy spot each strewn toy each laugh each frown each tiny inchstone met
in some ways she is the typical 3 year old...squealing with laughter when she is tickled and loving playing with her puzzles and sometimes I almost am lulled into thinking that everything is perfectly
and
then I am reminded
with a stumble or a fall or a seizure or a med check or a autistic meltdown or a sensory need or a call from her dr, just checking in that everything is perfect
perfectly Finn
and while I would give anything to have her not suffer and be healthy and her mind not deal with 100s of lightening storms
I would never give up the knowledge that she has gifted our whole family with
out hot water heater had a pin hole leak so it has been leaking (and flooding my basement...well not FLOODING but wetting my basement for about 2 weeks)
Finn has the flu...the doozy flu that is set to last about a week and a half
our vehicles both need new tires (super awesome in the snow...not so much)
BUT
I got my taxes done early and my federal return came in so
I bought a new water heater and Cori is installing it (granted...we ran into some problems...as usual when doing home repair...so it will be one more day of no hot water) BUT we have it
Finn's flu makes her seizures worse and it is horrible BUT our regular dr is amazing and checks in via email and has offered to stop by and check her over whenever we need her to so we don't have to bring her out in the weather
new tires can be bought when next we get to a tire place (see the federal tax return note)
there are so many opportunities to let things get us down BUT each of those opportunities is an opportunity to see a blessing
about 3 weeks ago (maybe...I am bad with time) our fuel tank ran out of fuel on the coldest night...scary
but it was a great opportunity to grab all the kids and have a giant slumber party in the living room with some space heaters and heaps of blankets while we kept each other warm
we are supposed to get 2 feet or so of snow and wind...already there are no travel advisories out there...we had been planning on going somewhere BUT...this gives us the opportunity to hunker down at home and try out some great crockpot recipes and play some wicked clue (remember that board game?)
I was planning on sewing the rest of Finn's weighted blanket this weekend (for her sensory issues...to buy one can be upwards of $100...making one cost me around $40) BUT my stupid sewing machine broke...BUT...I can bring it to a repair place and it will be done in time to help make my friend her mourning quilt (she lost her 2 year old son from epilepsy and cerebral atrophy at Christmas and our epilepsy support group (14 of us) make quilts for each other when we lose our kiddos...)
Finn's blanket will get done
Sasha's quilt is far more important and that will get done too
life is about using the opportunities we are given to find blessings every day
I understand what you're saying - more than many people do. I did not always winter in the south or have all the niceties. No - we struggled. Financially. Emotionally. And raised our severely disabled son. But we SURVIVED! And we thrived. Just like you.
Always look on the bright side - this motto has never let me down before.
God might not always give us everything we wish for. But he does give us ENOUGH!
