I see this now! But at the time I was not wanting to rock the boat so to speak..... She said she wasn't happy and this was the one thing she hadn't tried yet. At first I said I wasn't going to leave, then she said she would and it would be to her sisters in OH. And she would have to take our daughter due to my work schedule. So I did. But I haven't moved out, I just take clothes with me each night. I leave after my daughter goes to bed at 8:30. I think my window for moving back in is the weekend of the 18st-21st, She is going out of town. I haven't asked to where but my quess is to see the OP. So when I go to the house to watch my daughter, I'm not leaving. KY is a no fault state.
My situation has changed and it isn't good at all. I'm still doing my 180 and LRT. I have started my own bank account and changed all my direct deposits to the new account.So after saying all that, my W said we needed to talk... So I said go ahead and she proceeded to tell me I was spending to much money lately! Coming from the person who has gone on 2 weekend trips in the last 3 weeks and has a 4 day trip planned in 2 weeks. SO when she said this I just smiled and walked out. I wasn't to the end of my road and she was texting me, Real mature. Way to work as a team. WTH!!!! You are cheating on me and now we are a team....!
Jump 2 days forward and, I go over to get our daughter for the weekend. I notice that she had changed out a few photos of us with other photos of new ones of her sister's kids. I didn't say anything or even act like I noticed. I'm thinking this was a direct response to our money conversation. Then today I called my W to tell her I was going to be coming by to get the daughters cold weather clothes. She said okay I will have them at the bottom of the stairs by the front door. So when I get there she wasn't home but there was a pair of men's shoes right next to where she put my daughters snow pants. So I entered the house and found an over night bag and guitar. I didn't touch anything and, didn't call or text the wife about it either. She has been trying to hide our separation from her family and mine. So this goes against all that. Any thoughts on what is going on here? Side not there are still pics of the W and I throughout the house and our bedroom. Is this an attempt to try to get me to fall back into my old routine and behaviors? What should my next move be? Do I move back in and say she can leave if she wants out? DO I ask WTH was that about or just don't say anything? it seems like I take 1 step forward and 30 back. Has anyone been in or heard of something similar where they were able to save the M?
As always, I need HELP!!!!!!!
I would really love to hear from a WAW. That my be able to help lend me some insight in to what I can do differently or better.
I was just thinking about this and wanted to add it to my post. Maybe this may shed some light and somebody will say, Ahha moment. Yes this is what you need to do....
I mentioned my wife started an EA/PA with a man from a social fitness sight. Well she had gained weight after our daughter, but I feel like I looked at her the same way even though she was heavier, because she was still the person I married (if that makes sense)... Then when I noticed that things were changing between us she said that I was just jealous because I was afraid of loosing her because she had lost weight. Our sex life wasn't the greatest for the last 2 or so years. I was tired of being rejected and she didn't think I tried enough. So does anyone think this is pertenant to my situation, and can I do anything to change or fix it? After she said this I did exactly what I shouldn't do and went to super fix it mode. Constantly texting how great I thought she looked, and other behaviors. She took this as a last ditch effort to fix things. Does this bit of info help anyone with giving me some advise on what I can do? I'm facing the reality that my life will go on without my wife.... But I would love for her to be in it.
I want to throw this out there and see what other people think or have done.
I just read online that I should expose my W affair. If I do this it will be to her sister, and also send an email (FB) message to the OP. That if I do this it makes my W face reality and that what she is doing is NOT okay. That there will be a lot of negative emotions right away but that's to be expected. That it's like taking the crack pipe of the hands of a person addicted to crack.
For me, I said nothing to anyone but the MC. Nobody knew. This for sure did not help, though she claimed the A was over anyway. Not convinced of that as she never proved it and am pretty sure there is someone now, if not the same guy. I really wanted to get it off my chest and felt it constricted me. People were angry with me at first because I wanted to separate once it was first revealed and they could not understand why. I was begged back 2x, did counselling and essentially sold on making it work. She did not live to her end of the bargain anyway and left me. People were thinking I was the one who had an A and even had some close friends and colleagues accuse me of it. Even my brother questioned me wondering why she would leave a seemingly dedicated and good husband and father. The MC and IC were perplexed as to why I would protect her and take this grief from people. I kept this pain for over a year to myself. 3 months after she made her S and D decision final I let a couple close friends know and then they understood. My brother and his wife now know and they are so angry with her and want no part of her. They were so close and they feel duped as well. Other people now as this has dragged on are suspecting of her now anyway, and some still suspect me as gossip takes over anyway. Make your decision wisely as it can do a lot of damage if you want to R. Your family and friends likely won’t want you to get hurt again and turn on her. Decide on the real reason you want to do this, to expose and stop it to get her back, or to have some vindication. Mine in the need got a monkey off my back from bottling it up so much and taking the heat. It did help that way but R is unlikely even though W does not know who knows.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
FloydMan, Not sure if you have read any of my other posts or not. But I feel like I have bent and bent and bent to do what my W asks or says. I never used to be like that. When this A came out she said and you better not go to my or your family about it. I have not intentions on telling my family. Main reason is they aren't close at all. I want to tell her older sister because they are very close, and I think this may pop this delusional fantasy bubble she has been in for months. She has hid this from her family and work mates. So everyone thinks everything is all hunky dory. So my intentions aren't for revenge or self vindication, but to by actions show my W that I am willing to fight for her, and not just roll over
I don't think you will win her over by telling anyone...she will be angry and use it against you. She warned you. I know this is a no win situation. My suggestion would be not to tell anyone yet if you want to save the M at this point. Her sister WILL NOT keep it confidential and will sell you out. I have been there too with the promises of family members. She will be loyal to her sister in the end. She will make the A your fault. I am experiencing that now. Your W is in self-protection mode.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
MrBond, I am as of today, opening my own back account, getting my own cell phone, exposing my W EA/PA and not leaving my house. This will be a huge test for me because I'm trying to shield and protect my daughter as much as possible. But as I was teaching a fire science class yesterday. I finally heard my own words.
In the fire service we teach you risk a lot to gain a lot, you risk little to gain little. This being the thought process we use for attacking a house fire. We risk our own life if there is a life to save. We risk a lot less if it's only property..... In this case I am risking a lot in hope to get a huge return. So far I have risked little for something that is so valuable, my marriage.
I don't think you will win her over by telling anyone...she will be angry and use it against you. She warned you. I know this is a no win situation. My suggestion would be not to tell anyone yet if you want to save the M at this point. Her sister WILL NOT keep it confidential and will sell you out. I have been there too with the promises of family members. She will be loyal to her sister in the end. She will make the A your fault. I am experiencing that now. Your W is in self-protection mode.
I completely agree. Outing your W's affair to her family is going to blow up in your face. She cannot keep it a secret forever, her family will find out at some point. Just let it be from someone else.
