I am new here, and posted recently in the newcomers forum. It hasn't posted yet (not sure if the mods have had a chance to review it or not). Anyway here is my story.
I have been doing everything completely wrong in regards to how I have handled my sitch. I will try to keep it short.
When I finally realized my W and I were in trouble is when I finally took notice that she wasn't nagging, stopped asking me about things she normally would, and stopped checking in with me when I got off my shift at work (firefighter). SO when I asked her if we were okay it went downhill fast. She just gave me a look of death and said what do you mean okay? Are things perfect NO! Am I leaving, not right now! So that sent me in to panic mode. I started to snoop she found out and that drove her further away, and the cycle would continue (crying, begging, increased text messages, you name it I was doing it) for a few months. She has been on a social fitness site and began to have an online relationship with a guy in AZ (we live in KY) so in November she went out to visit a "friend" and in the process took her infidelity from emotional to physical. So when she got back I had plenty of questions and continued pleading to see how good our marriage was blah blah blah. So after a long time of saying she wasn't happy and not knowing why, she is saying that she hasn't been happy and was trying things to make her happy and nothing worked. So the only thing I guess she hasn't tried is leaving.
So she wants to separate. I said I wasn't going to leave. Her response was if she left she would take our 7 y/o daughter and have to move in with her sister and have to take our daughter out of her school and safe environment. So I agreed that I didn't want to make things any worse for our daughter than what they were going to be and made arrangements to stay with my sister. We are going to have a talk with our daughter this Sunday before I shift out. My wife is still nice to me but says it's just to keep things amicable between us. She acknowledged that the affair with the guy in AZ wasn't more than what it was, he has kids and can't move here and vise versa. My wife still wears her wedding ring to work (she says so people don't ask what's going on) and she will still make references to us in future contexts. Also when I said I wanted a date for when she would like to be divorced by she said she couldn't give me one. When I asked if there was any chance to reconcile, she would just say she didn't see how things could change and didn't want things to be the way they were. To which I replied. neither do I. It obviously wasn't working so we should start new.
I am starting the LRT as of yesterday. In the past I would show my excitement when she initiated the conversation and would start the cycle all over again. The other night she said she didn't know if this would make her happy but had to try so she could see and wanted me to move on with my life. I said ok and got up and walked out of the room. Since then I have made her initiate all the conversations we have. I am always upbeat in front of her, and sing and dance and play with my daughter at home which makes me so happy. Not for rubbing it in my wife's face but because for me this is a form of 180. I have always played with my daughter but I never just let myself go and act silly.
So I know I'm only giving one side. But I have tried to relay all the pertinent info I can. Do I have any hope?
P.S. This is both of our 2nd marriage but our first child. She also said part of her reason for thinking things may be over is she doesn't feel a need to apologize for her affair, and she still talks to him via the social site she is on and txt messages. Any insight in to what I can do would be great.
I don't have advice for you. I'm in a he11zone myself. 5 months of turmoil. Separated for over 2 months and we see each other once in a while, trying to watch movies together etc but I keep fouling it up. So no, I can't give any advice except for listen to these folks!
Good luck. Strap in, it's gonna be rough.
M: 36/W: 28 T 11yrs / M 7yrs /1x 3yo D Sept: W Cheated w/ teen, BDrop. W Beast. Hated me. Oct: 18 (M license)W Asked for D Oct: 31 (Anniverary)W Paid Lawyer Nov1st: Both moved.
