Hi, I am new to Piecing and could use all the help and advice I can get.
Just to fill you in briefly.
2 1/2 years ago my husband had me served at work with divorce papers. He told me a couple of weeks earlier he wasn't happy but never mentioned he had seen a lawyer. So I was quite surprised. He moved out that night.
In these past 2 1/2 years he has moved in with his work GF. He continued paying all the bills for me and our daughters. But he never moved the divorce forward.
About a month ago he told me he had regrets and made mistakes and he wanted to come back. I was shocked. Last weekend he has moved out of GF's house and he has moved back in with his mom, who lives 5 minutes from our family home. The past 2 nights he has come here after work for dinner and watches some tv with us then goes back to his moms to sleep.
He said he would do counseling and whatever I needed to make this work.
So what should I do ? What should my first step be ? Should I get us into counseling right away or wait and see how the holidays go first ? See if this is something I really want to do ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
This is a great time for you to ask him to send the OM a no-contact letter, and to agree to full transparency with you. Do you think that he'd be willing to do that?
The other thing that I would strongly consider is having you two DATE each other -- exclusively -- while he does NOT move back in with you (staying at his mom's would be great). For a period of time, say 3-6 months, to see how things go. Do NOT make the oh-so-common DB mistake of letting back into your heart -- and your home -- too easily!!!
Thanks. I want to take things slow. But he things he will be back in my home by Christmas. I never said that, but that's what he told our girls. Just wishful thinking on his part, I'm sure.
The OW is a co worker. Although they do not work in the same building anymore. It still makes me nervous. I plan in telling him I need full transparency, with his phone ect. I think/hope he will be good with this.
Do I love him ? Yes, I guess I do. Can I forgive him ? I think I can. It's been 2 years. I think I've forgiven him, just to set myself free. Can I trust him ? That is something to be determined ! I am going to keep my eyes open. The old saying actions speak louder than words, says it all. I am keeping my eyes opened, listening to what he says but not believing everything till he proves it.
Ugh. Such a strange time. After 2 years I have given up thinking he would even consider returning. I've been doing my own thing and living my own life.
I guess i am willing to take the risk to see if this could work. Knowing this is a big risk. He broke my heart before, I pray it doesn't happen again
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
This is a great time for you to ask him to send the OM a no-contact letter, and to agree to full transparency with you. Do you think that he'd be willing to do that?
The other thing that I would strongly consider is having you two DATE each other -- exclusively -- while he does NOT move back in with you (staying at his mom's would be great). For a period of time, say 3-6 months, to see how things go. Do NOT make the oh-so-common DB mistake of letting back into your heart -- and your home -- too easily!!!
Starsky
I absolutely agree with Starsky. Take it really slowly. I would look at this as I would any other NEW relationship. If you met a new guy tomorrow, you wouldn't jump into a M, would you? No way... Make sure that this is what YOU want... and if so, make HIM EARN it.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I am just so confused. My mind goes back and forth so much between we could try again to no it wouldn't work.
We did see a lot of each other this past weekend because of Thanksgiving. We spent time with his family. We also had 2 date nights. They were both nice. It's just that I've been alone for 2 years and now all of a sudden he's around again. Today he worked late and just went home to his moms, felt kind of relived. Maybe I just needed a down day.
He would like to move things along faster, but I told him. I spent 2 years trying to forget him and move on, I can't just flip a switch and turn all me feelings back on again.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I am just so confused. My mind goes back and forth so much between we could try again to no it wouldn't work.
Of course you feel that way, it's been 2 years!!! It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing and the advice here is golden as well. Take it slow, date, get to know each other. Make him pursue you! If he wants you he needs to earn your trust back! I think moving in by Christmas would be too fast considering how long you've been apart.
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He would like to move things along faster, but I told him. I spent 2 years trying to forget him and move on, I can't just flip a switch and turn all me feelings back on again.
It's good that you're explaining to him where you are. I think ya'll are in a great place to seek out a good MC. Retrouvaille might be good as well if it's offered in your area.
