a few months before easter i noticed changes,first it was pulling away from everyone then the constant texting and fbing then the tanning and losing wieght then the underwear and the taste in music changed and the language changed. ml 4 days before easter then 3 days before came the not in love speech. she was caught by our adult children and they exposed to me.she,s 46 and now she acts 20 and of course affaired down to some pos convict. i screwed up by not kicking her out the moment she came home and let her stay while i was a mess and that gave her time to convince our d,s 21&19 i was the cause of all this. our son is 26 and just had our first grandaughter 6 weeks ago and she seemed to use it as a photo op. is this mlc?
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of link
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
quick history. got together at 17 then at about 25 i went through my own crisis with drugs and tramps, that lasted about 6-7 years and when i finaaly came to she was there for me.during my time away she had another d with some dirtbag that used to beat on her and of course no job,no car. to this day still same thing. fast forward,i accept their d as my own and spend the last 12 years living a pretty good life.oh yeah married at 20 then divorced at 26 and we never remarried. in the last 8 months ive heard everything as the script goes. i have always loved her and still do.ive done and said some things out of anger that i,m not proud of but i,m working on that. if this was a waw i think she wouldve planned better because i have all the assets. thoughts?
thank you ive reached a point of calmness for the most part. its been hard to accept the fact i didnt cause this so i cant fix her. bright side is t day with family is nice. [censored] she,s driven a wedge between our d,s and myself. its turned into the girls against the boys here.she checked the temp a few days ago and i fell for it. i,m a good person and i,ll get trough this but my heart feels like stone right now.its seems like she reaches through the fog to make sure i,m still there when she feels me she runs. time to get out the dirt bikes and forget this crap and have some fun.
another day of spew from her about how she hasnt been happy in years. why do our kids see it differently? telling me how alone she was seems to be her latest battle cry. i am fighting off the urge for a band aid from her old best friend.have you guys noticed how few single guys there are that want a commited relationship? well ones that are worth having! i met a beutiful woman at the car wash sunday and if my heart wasnt tied up i might give it a try. is this really worth it?
Only you know the answer to that. But do consider whether your choice would be helpful or harmful to your marriage, and ultimately your own psyche. You will want to look back on this and be PROUD of your behaviors, you will want your kids to be PROUD of your behaviors. And would it be fair to another person to get them involved in what is currently a rather messy sitch?
You and your kids see things differently because you and they are NOT going through MLC. MLCers have a WARPED view, they CANNOT see things other than what their befuddled brains tell them they see. (This is true for most of us. For instance, she can't convince YOU that HER way is right. Can she? She sees the "emperors new clothes" right now and CANNOT see anything different.)
I hope you can get some answers from some of the men on this board, I am sure they will connect better with you than I can. But keep posting, keep reading. And WAIT before making any questionable decisions. Extreme pain and duress are NOT the times to make permanent, or hard-to-take-back, actions.
Peace to you.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
question for everyone? if your adult d moved out with x and saw you reconnecting but also knew x was seeing someone else but didnt tell you what would you say to d ? to bad she put all three kids in the middle by them finding her fb page open then they had to tell me. ive wasted 8 months trying to get through to her so when they say go dark you better listen.
ill try to keep them out but what do i say to our s26 when she says and does things that make him angry? ugghhh i feel like i,m dealing with a 15 year old girl!a spoiled brat at that! her son asked her why she does the things she does and she blames me for everything under the sun.if i was thinking about leaving i know i would get my finances in order and personal belongings together to take with me. she took basic stuff and food items. personal momentos of her life and our time together are still here and shes never asked for them. she is so worried about her privacy that whenever anyone asks where/what she looks blank. but she always has (plans). i went out to dinner with a friend (female) and i got the third degree am i confused?
