I've finally come out of hiding and decided to move here to Piecing. I'm scared to death that I'm jumping the gun, but Newcomers is no place for me anymore.
It's weird. When I first came here, I didn't want to really read the happy stories. I wanted to read other people's threads that were in the same place as mine. So, since H and I are on the road to recovery I think this will be a good place.
I'll give a quick re-cap since I have no clue how to link threads:
-Me: 29, domestic goddess -H: 31, Sales Mgr. -Kids: 2 - Son 3 and Daughter 21 months -Bomb: Dec. 29, 2002 "I don't love you anymore" -Issues: (Me)Lots of built up resentment regarding H's work schedule, non-involvement in family since D born, really annoying FF...very pushy, over-involved in H's life, disrespectful to me, hidden agenda H refuses to see. -H's Issues: I'm not supportive enough, too much nagging, not fun anymore, stopped being wife, just mom. -Found DR at the end of January. Baby steps started within a week or two. -Currently: No ILY's but just this past Saturday, H told me he was recommited to our M and "Full steam ahead" with plans for our life together. We met some new neighbors on Sunday and he actually mentioned us having a 3rd child (had always been in the plans and obviously on hold right now). -I am currently in the throes of planning a list of issues that I believe we have and some initial solutions to go along with them. Trying very hard to leave off, "Fire FF" (FF is one of H's employees)
So that's about it. I hope I get to meet lots of new friends over here and yet still hear from my old buddies at Newcomers! I know, I know, I'm greedy for hits!
Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
Erin, I think we are twins, except the domestic goddess part, I'm more of domesticly hopeless. But all the issues you listed are similar to mine--H travel, I'm a mom, not a wife, not understanding of work, etc...what you had written.
Except, your turn around has been much speedier than mine! I'm glad he is giving you such positive signs of the future--that is great.
Congrats on the big move I'm very happy for you. (OK, and terribly jealous.)
My two cents: think about what you can just let go of... I bet there are some "issues" that if you give them a week or two you can simply throw them away.... And, of course, patience.
Thanks for the welcome. SB - hopefully things don't get more difficult over here. I don't think I can take much more!!!
Dagny - I think that there a lot of us women out there with the same issue. At the birth of your child, you are handing a bundle of flesh that needs 24 hour care. When do you turn it off? When you do, you feel like a bad mother. WHen you give your child the attention your made to feel like you should, you become a bad wife. I used to tell my friends that my H got 1/2 car ride home to go from boss to husband/father. I get all of the 2 minutes it takes to walk down the stairs after putting the kids to bed to go from mom to wife/sex kitten! Just not possible! Unfortunately, I never managed to voice that problem to my H and just resented him for expecting it of me.
Acorn - That's exactly why I'm giving myself time before I give him my list. I want to make sure the things we discuss are the true issues that I have. Not this stupid sideline stuff.
I just finished reading "5 Love Languages". Excellent book for those of you who may not have read it. My love language is definitely #2 Quality Time, followed in a close second by #5 Physical Touch. I'm still trying to figure out H's. I'm torn between Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. If I'm going to rank, though I would say Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time. Doesn't it just figure that my most important two are his least important??? It certainly helps to clarify things, though. So now on to experimentation to figure out if I'm right. I'll let you know.
Good thing today: I knew H was going to have a pretty stressful day yesterday. The kids and i were out at Target and I saw a CD that H wanted was on special since it was the first day of release. I picked it up for him and put it in his car with a card after he went to bed last night. He called me this afternoon when he got a little lull to say thank you and tell me how much he appreciated it. Yea for me! Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
Smart girl!!!With the Cd!!! Hold off on the list. Write it up,file it away and DB. That is so totally amazing that your h is committed to your M! Talk of a third baby!!!Great. Of course since d is so young I'm sure you want to devote time to new R with your h. My kids were #1 for soo long. I was not wise at all!
I'm still working on Love Languages & His needs Her needs.
Check out More Than Friends.....it looked excellent.Raindeer has ordered it. So he will know the author. Michele wrote a recommedation for it. Pricey around $25.00. It looks like a great resource on dealing with FF.
So glad to hear how your progress is going. This will be my next move if I get into gypsy mode.
Check out my thread. Xow's h has filed
I will be brave and DB as before
Take care! P.s. I was a homeschool teacher first class. The house was and still is buried under books, games, toys & clothes. But I hope to attain domestic goddess status someday!!!
Kip
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
I feel like I must first clarify something. "Domestic Goddess" is a title I give myself because "Homemaker" makes me cringe. Something very 1950's about it that i just can't relate to. If that gives people the impression that I am a mini- Marth Stewart, ok. I'll take it! Just please don't ask to visit me here! I'd hate to kill the illusion!
Anyway, Just some journaling on the good stuff:
Had a friend come over last night. She is pregnant and we were making invites for her baby shower. We had fancy scissors, paper, stickers, stamps, markers, etc (ok there is a little Martha Stewart in me) all over the table. In the past few months, it would have made H nuts, but when he got home, he just laughed and shook his head and said leave it to the two of you to make such a mess and then admired all of our invites. Definitely a 180 for him. In the last couple of months, I would have expected him to come home, take one look at the mess, give a curt hello to my friend and thn proceed to clean. So, I was pretty happy.
Later that evening, we were watching the tourney (NCAA) on tv and he let me do a little snuggling!
Last night, he had trouble sleeping, lots of tossing and turning. He reached over and was stroking my belly which woke me up. We talked for a little while, I asked if he was making a pass at me ? He said no, but he liked touching me. Nice to hear from someone who didn't want any type of intimacy at all 8 weeks ago!
I got a quote for painting our kitchen and family room and it looks like we're going to get it done in about 2 weeks. The quote for the patio is coming on Monday. It's good because we're actually talking about future projects.
We actually haven't had any bad stuff go on. FF called Wed night with a work issue. I made no deal about it at all. She called again last night to say she needed him to pick her up a little early b/c she was leaving work early for a dental appointment. Took the message very pleasantly and relayed it with no contempt in my voice. *Pat on my back* The funny thing is that I feel none. I think that H and I are in a pretty good place right now and I feel a lot less threatened by her daily presence. Now, I haven't been in a social situation with her since I almost punched her lights out in February, so I can't say I'm out of the woods yet, but I think I see the light.
Good PMA today. Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
(FF is one of H's employees)
I know, I know, I'm greedy for hits! 
It certainly helps to clarify things, though. So now on to experimentation to figure out if I'm right. I'll let you know.
