I was catching up on some of your threads, since I was away for awhile. And a random thought came to my mind. Several people who I visited with over the past two weeks seem to think I am going to get back together with my X. In the first place, he has shown nothing but devotion to OW.
And in the second, and most important place, I wouldn't take him back if he came gold plated. I don't think I could ever put myself back to that person I was. I let him treat me like dirt for years. I put his every need first. I always thought of his wants, needs and desires. I'm not even sure he was ever aware of my wants, needs and desires.
His position is that I treated him badly. And I am remined of the "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" problem. Because now I see most of our problems were problems for a very long time.
He blames me for all that has gone wrong. And I am willing to take 50% of the blame. But when all went sour, I tried to work on the marriage, and he NEVER did. He lied, he lied some more, and then he lied even more.
When we made our one and only visit to the marriage counselor, she suggeated to him that perhaps he talk to me 30 minutes a day. He looked like she had suggested he eat dog poop for dinner. But he now happily, for the past 18 months, has spend loads of time talking and texting with OW. I dare say they talk an average of 100 minutes a day. And text and send each other plenty of photos. Photos I sure don't want to see....
As I work myself through all this I realize that I will never hear certain words come out of his mouth and not know those are OW's words. (Super, Awesome, Cool) And he eats most of his meals with a big spoon now, because OW most often eats with a big spoon, so she doesn't make a mess. It always made me laugh, when we were friends, how darn silly....
I accidently broke my old laptop, and when I told X, he said that was okay, I could use my desktop. Seriously? We have not had a desktop computer in this house for 5 years. And that is why, a year ago he went and bought his own laptop. Because I, according to him, am always using the laptop. But somehow this week he has me confused with OW, who has a couple each laptops, desktops and a netbook thrown in for her dog to use.
So as we each go through this rollercoaster journey, first we try to not ride the ride with them, and then we watch the ride from afar, then we walk around the park only hearing the screams now and then, and finally we go to the other end of town, and we know that rollercoaster is there, but we just don't care about it anymore.
I know this is a site for Dbing. But not every marriage can be saved. And we have to continue to live, love and laugh. So I am. And I guess I will end with, a shout out to Ellie. You know those ham sandwiches you tell me the universe is trying to hand me? Boy Howdy are there some great ham sandwiched floating around.
While at the yoga camp, I attended the Sunday services. And ended up seated by this 6'plus goodlooking guy. After the services, I was talking with him and the girl with him. She is moving to the Big Island (Hawaii) where there is another branch of this group. So she gave me her address. And I called the big guy her boyfriend, and she assured me he was not her boyfriend.
Later he pulled me aside and was asking me about being divorced, and the meditation part of the camp. And then, drum roll please, he asked for my phone number and email address. I haven't heard from him, but that doesn't matter. He asked!
So that is where I'm at. Shuffling off to Buffalo. Moving on. Seeing what amazing things life has in store for me. Praying and meditating on all that worries me, and then letting go!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
And I guess I will end with, a shout out to Ellie. You know those ham sandwiches you tell me the universe is trying to hand me? Boy Howdy are there some great ham sandwiches floating around.
I just had a ham sandwich this weekend - and it was delicious
Wendy!!! It's been a long time since I posted to you, but girl you are just AWESOME!! I want to be like you when I grow up!
Oh Wendy I am SO GLAD you've been able to go back and see just how one sided this relationship was. It's amazing isnt' it? How we go back and re call things, then apply what we've learned to the present and realize just what we've been putting up with and putting ourselves through for years?
I've been doing this alot the past several months. Going through big realtionship autopsy. It's still hard for me because on one hand I feel like you, NEVER AGAIN IF HE WERE PLATED IN GOLD! Then the other I feel so sorry for a person that's so damn miserable inside that they have to go out and hurt other's like this, and I actually want to help my XH. I want to apologize for my 50%. I want to be there if he opens up. He actually did open up about some stuff to me a month ago, which was ODD.
And then I apply what I've learned, am still learning, and where Xh appears to be at this point and time. And I realize it's time for me to just keep moving on and moving forward with my life just as you ARe!
Job well done Wendy! You're and encouragment and an inspiritation!
You are an amazing person and I have loved watching your journey. I agree that your attitude is inspirational, Keep posting please.
One thing I have noticed on this site is that there really are at least!] two types of MLCer. There are those like your xh where you come to realise that the relationship was problematic, if nt from the start, then for a long long time, but there are others, like mine, where a realy sweet, kind and thoughtful man suddenly flipped. They really are different.
My xh was a lovely and loving husband. It has been long enough that I am not seeing this through rose tinted glasses.
But it takes time and distance to see what all of us had, and to recover from it, and move on into our new and wonderful lives.
Wendy, I think that the time away has done you a world of good and the rose colored glasses have finally been removed completely. Your journey has had many ups and downs, and yet, you've continued to move forward and shared your thoughts and feelings w/us.
I do believe that God has a special plan for you. You are an inspiration to all of us, not just the forum, but the real world as well.
BTW, I wouldn't take my xh back even if he laid golden eggs!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm so happy for you to finally be in this happy place. You deserve it and much more.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I used to think that I could take my H back, but that he would have to climb Mt. Everest. Now, I think it's too late. Like you, I look back and I see how much he has been in control of our lives. He has hidden things from me, lied to me, and hardly ever thought how things might effect me. I was the one always thinking about him and our children. I'm not perfect ... far from it, but in general, he was in control of our marriage.
I doubt I would take him back now.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Welcome Wen. Enjoy the ham sandwiches. I think you'll find as you set down the old one, you'll find an even better one will be placed in your hands ;0)
May you always have the wind at your back and may you always feel God's peace wherever you are.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I was walking down the street during lunch one day, listening to music, enjoying the time when H popped into my mind. This was immediately followed by "I don't love you anymore" popping into my mind. It was me saying this, just to be clear! I've been reflecting on this since and wondering if it's really true or just complete detachment. I dreamed about him that night too. He was living in our old house surrounded by happy people young and old, but when he came to the door and i told the people with him that none of the things he said were true, the look on his face was one of severe pain but an inability to cry and let it go. In this dream I also confronted OW, pointing at her and objectively saying "you are a whore."
So if he were gold plated? I'm feeling myself closer to Wendy's camp.
I'm going on a double date in the next couple of weeks. That will reveal a lot to me I think.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
