sorry - interrupted. If he wants to move out right away, then I'll cancel all debt pre-arranged payments we have, as we can work on an arrangement to divide the debt (already spoke to the lawyer re: responsibilities of the debt). If he wants to continue to work together to pay off the debt, that would be great and probably the best case scenario (at least in my mind). We'll have time to discuss and try to work things out amicably, and I won't have to pretend I don't know - I think it will be much easier to detach....
However, based upon our interactions this week, I think he'll want to work things out...that will probably be hardest for me, as I'm not so willing to to that...
On a positive note, I've been working out every day and have lost 9lbs! I'm so excited!
Kim - I'm going to ask you to consider doing something REALLY hard. And that is - to keep this information to yourself until after Xmas.
My ex decided to leave right about this time of year. I had to convince him to stay through the holidays, so that the kids wouldn't always associate Xmas with their parents splitting up. We waited until the third week of January to tell them he was leaving.
Let your kids have this Xmas uninterrupted. I know it makes it extra hard on you (think about all the great weight loss though from the LBS diet!). But really - one more month may make all the difference to your kids' future holidays.
kml, I hear you and yes, I do not want to minimize any pain my children will experience through this experience. But it is so hard to keep quiet for another 1-2 months. When I was writing above, I was interrupted, as my husband came in the room (we only have one computer at home). And a couple of times when we talked, I wanted to let him know I know, but didn't. It's hard trying to find outlets where I can be alone and yell, scream, shout, cry....and it's super hard when H talks about upcoming things, like wanting to take kids on vacation during February break, or doing the patio in the spring....helps to vent some frustration here....
Some of my 180s have been to clean out the attic, which has collected so much stuff through the years (H throws everything away and I'm a saver). Went through 2 bags this past weekend, and my son had a ball shredding old checks/statements (from 1995!!!) I'm making a goal to get to 2 bags/week in the attic and re-organize, donate, or throw stuff away. I've talked to the kids too, and they want to help me this weekend and look at some of their old toys and things, as they want to donate some of their things, and that feels really good. I started playing with my kids more too - usually they play Xbox games themselves (I'm not much a video game person), but we tried the sports this past week (bowling, football, darts, archery) and I really had fun (they did too!). H even came down and played a few times with us, so that was nice. I'd like to get outside more, but it's turned cold and I hate the cold weather, especially when there is no snow on the ground...once the snow comes, I'll take them sledding.
Still working on GAL. For the last several years, I've run the major fundraisers for my kids schools (we're talking 6+ years) - but I just told the parent groups that I will not be the chariperson for the fundraisers next year - I will help count $$ or orders, but I'm not organizing or will be in charge. That felt great to get this off my shoulders - time for others to step up to the plate. I've been thinking about taking up a ceramic class - I used to do this when I was in school, but haven't for a long time...
Time to go and get back to work. I probably won't get to write for a few days, but wishing all a very Happy Thanksgiving.
Yes, I said it would be really hard, but I think you'll be glad you did it.
Another thing I did during this time (remember, my H had already said he was moving out) was I got him to finish some projects around the house - including one major bathroom repair/remodel project. Thank goodness I pushed him on it, because he ended up asking to sell the house just a few months after he moved out, and with that project done, it was relatively easy to get the house ready for sale and we got top dollar.
I know one of you might stay in the house, but still, getting him to finish up any nagging projects before the you-know-what hits the fan might be useful to you in the future.
Also - make xerox copies of ALL financial statements, old tax returns, etc.
And, you might want to gather whatever evidence of the affair you might need. In most states, it doesn't seem to matter legally, but you might need it just to break through his denials to you or his parents.
Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving with the family, carve out plenty of time for yourself doing things YOU want to do over the holiday.
