W-I'm Ok either way Arsene. Please talk to her gently about it cos she was really excited about it. Take care and let me know about it. Gdnite.
Me-Ok W. She'll be fine. Thanks. Good night.
I miss talking to her. I guess the same way the affair is like a drug to the WAS, each positive encounter with them is a drug to us. This is probably why we need distance to help us detach.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
each positive encounter with them is a drug to us. This is probably why we need distance to help us detach.
Bingo... Stay at it, Arsene - distance and detachment WILL help you feel better. You deserve to feel better.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
I miss talking to her. I guess the same way the affair is like a drug to the WAS, each positive encounter with them is a drug to us. This is probably why we need distance to help us detach.
Yes, a really good drug with a badhangover if we're not careful. Keep working on you Arsene. Glad you had a great time at the party and made some new peeps.
My gig went well last night and I met a few people I'd known from my toastmasters meeting. They were surprised to see me performing and suggested I do it at toastmasters events. I was also invited at a Christmas celebration at their house in December.
On another topic, D8 talked to me this morning. She basically told me she thought her mom was now an alien. She said it's like she went to space on a spaceship and when she came back she wasn't the same person. She said she liked the other mom better. She told me that her mom didn't look happy. She was always sad or serious lately. I told her that I understood how she felt and that I also missed the old mom. I asked her to be patient and strong and to not give up on her mom.
It's difficult for me to hear this kind of talk from an 8-year-old kid. It just shows how perceptive they are and therefore how much affect this situation might have on them.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Ok. So I m doing this distance thing to help me feel better yet, after a week of it, I still feel like crap, and now to top it off my w and I don t talk anymore. This doesn t look like progress to me. In fact I feel like I ve taken a huge step back. Whatever happened to doing what works? Sorry! I m just venting my frustrations,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Ok. So I m doing this distance thing to help me feel better yet, after a week of it, I still feel like crap, and now to top it off my w and I don t talk anymore. This doesn t look like progress to me. In fact I feel like I ve taken a huge step back. Whatever happened to doing what works? Sorry! I m just venting my frustrations,
I can empathize with your pain, Arsene, but I would submit to you that -- based on your last couple o' dozen posts -- what you've been doing is NOT working.
Detaching WILL feel counterintuitive! Hell, 90% of DBins is counterintuitive. If what felt right in all of our guts was the way to go, none of us would have ever landed on this sad little DB beach to begin with.
You are using your wife and even your young daughter to soothe yourself. Until you learn to self-soothe, and find the will and the strength to DETACH on a consistent basis, I'm afraid you will be forever stuck in this same place. You are leading with your EMOTIONS, and that isn't a recipe for DB success in my experience.
Yes we do have to do what works. But in order to do that, what I have found, we have to DETACH first. From what I have learned so far, and witnessed in my own trial and errors, is that I cannot get a clear head when I let my emotions and fears rule my mind and heart. They have to take a back seat to our rationale right now.
I have learned that nothing can happen unless detaching happens first. Every time I have used my GUT or EMOTIONS has only got me further away from my ultimate goal. I spent almost two years doing that before I found this place.
I feel if I had found this place earlier, there would have been much more hope for my sitch. But at least now I have hope for myself.
Keep going Arsene. We are all here for you and we believe in YOU.
Busting.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
