There'll be no white flag above my door-not yet La

[needgrace]

dear sweet bug

(((((((((((( )))))))))))))

i think you did what needed to be done so you could know.. and decide what is best for you.

i do think that his words are SCRIPT... and that he is caught in the societal belief that our happiness comes from outside, not within..

i am sorry that he is not at a different place.. i know the disappointment of doing the work and seeing the possibilities for a different and new M and our S not being ready or willing at this moment..

you have grown so much and have so courageously admitted and worked on your own fears and hurts and how they manifest..

this quote spoke to me this morning for you:

"I believe it will have become evident why, for me, adjectives such as happy, contented, blissful, enjoyable, do not seem quite appropriate to any general description of this process I have called the good life, even though the person in this process would experience each one of these at the appropriate times. But adjectives which seem more generally fitting are adjectives such as enriching, exciting, rewarding, challenging, meaningful. This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-fainthearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one's potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life. Yet the deeply exciting thing about human beings is that when the individual is inwardly free, he chooses as the good life this process of becoming."
Carl R. Rogers (On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy)

in my eyes, bug, you have used these 18 months to choose the "good life"..i know that your words and presence has greatly enriched my life.. thank you. and i also believe that the relationships and moments consistent with the good life will continue to come to you as well.. rewarding, meaningful, exciting Rs and moments.

love and peace to you today bug.

[scaredsilly]

"It's so hard to see the life that we'd planned for years just go up in smoke. We were almost to the gravy."

yes, this is what i grieved, too. however i finally came to believe that i was going to have that anyway, by myself and with any other people in my life. i began to see what was possible instead of what was lost. I was not lost. I still had myself and i was my greatest resource for taking care of me and making an exciting and fulfilling future for ME!

grace puts it nicely in her quote:

"It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life. Yet the deeply exciting thing about human beings is that when the individual is inwardly free, he chooses as the good life this process of becoming."

[labug]

You're right, ss and I think that's why I wanted to have the talk. I am ready to really move forward but I needed to put a period on this.

Thanks everyone for your posts, care and concern. I may not respond to all of you today as I've got a lot of stuff in my head and am running on 3 hours of sleep.

I think I need to get out in nature today.

[keep_going]

I think that's why I wanted to have the talk. I am ready to really move forward but I needed to put a period on this.

You have been gradually getting ready and strong for this talk and even though you knew it was going to be tough, the conversation itself IS part of your moving forward.

Grieve, process the experience and as always, things will fall where they have to. In the meantime, enjoy your day our with nature.

You are an incredible woman who deserves the turkey, the stuffing, the gravy and the pie. You have cooked the meal and set the table - perhaps it's time to grab a plate and serve yourself...

I am here for you, whatever you need.
Your friend, KG.

((((((bug)))))))

[bustingout]

(((((((((((bug)))))))))))

First I just want to say what an incredible woman i think you are. You have been a true inspiration and source of strength for me since I have arrived.

I think the others have already said what I thought when i read your post. What struck me the most was the script, the denial of good times, the re-writing of history.....the apparent lack of self reflection on his part in the past 18 months.

I am confident that upon reflection you will feel increasingly better and more positive. For now I hope you give you self the time to process and grieve and keep moving forward. This is YOUR life, YOUR decision.

I love you bug (((((( )))))

Busting

[zig]

Dear sweet strong Bug

((((((((((( )))))))))))

i think you know in your heart under the pain that will pass that you were really ready to hear these things - else you would not have initiated the conversation. As everyone has said here - you have been the leader in the example that we all wish to set for our selves in how strong and self-reliant we can ultimately become.

I am so sorry that you had to - after all the work you have done - still listen to the script - but it is his script not yours - and we will watch and follow proudly how you continue to write yours.

There is a certain complacency, that I have always perceived in your h's demeanor, ever since I started reading your posts. and it also came through in how you described the r conversation you've just had with him. There is, I think, only one solution to complacency - and lord knows us LBS's know what it is LOL

Just my thoughts..

Meanwhile - I wish for you only more and more peace and self-focus and success at continuing to turn only to yourself, and to keep becoming the "goddess" of your own life. You are sure to receive all that you deserve if you are open to it.

Much love to you, dear courageous friend who has always quietly been there for me

zig

[2thepoint]

Hi Bugsy! Just read your post and I know that you are hurting, deeply right now. But I don't fault you for initiating the R discussion. At some point, somewhere down the line, a relationship in limbo has to come to a conclusion, one way or another.

I think that in the many months we DB'rs work to improve ourselves and our R's with our WAS's, we also stand in fear of the eventuality of our marriages coming to a complete and unrecoverable end. During the time we work on ourselves, we hold out hope that our WAS is doing the same, but that is rarely the case. From their POV, they've already done the work. Right or wrong, that is their opinion and we have to live with that.

But, over time as the fear dissipates, we become emboldened to make things move again. Someone once posted to my thread the following: "lose the fear, lose the limbo."

It would seem to me that you have lost the fear, that you are ready to move forward and chart a beautiful future for yourself. I applaud your courage and determination and I know great things will happen to the new and improved Bugsy!!

[2chiquitos]

I hope your able to rest your thoughts tonite.

Also, remember what you said. You immediately started working on yourself with an IC when he first dropped the bomb way back when. Meanwhile, he's been stewing in his selfish ways.

It's best not to seek a R with someone who has learned nothing from this journey.

I wish you only the best! Take care of LaBug!

[Soul.Searching]

That really is a tough question. I have know my H since I was 8 years old. We were together for 13 years and married 9,.. If you had asked me a year or two ago, I would have said I knew him better than anybody else. Now today, I don't even think he knows himself. I really think watching/listening, Keeping your eyes open is a much better indicator than answers they give to a question.

If I were to date anybody later down the track, I would hope that I have learnt enough to see the warning signs.

[labug]

in my eyes, bug, you have used these 18 months to choose the "good life"..i know that your words and presence has greatly enriched my life.. thank you. and i also believe that the relationships and moments consistent with the good life will continue to come to you as well.. rewarding, meaningful, exciting Rs and moments.

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

And I agree that I will have the good life because that's what I'm choosing.