Just having one of those days thinking of my sitch. It has been since feb of this year wife left. we have very little contact. Only text but I am the one who starts it. Just simple stuff saying hi or wishing her well. Nothing that i think would be something that would push her away. but like I said in past few post. I saw her with this girl and can not confirm if this is her new mate. But the signs indecate maybe. also we all know our mind goes crazy with thinking and it not good.
So I am sitting here and I text my W asking if she made it past the storm ok and hope she is ok. she replied we are ok tx.... i know i should not be thinking this but she could have asked how i was. nope nothing.
All i can do is think that W and that gay girl is with her...
W keeps saying she wants to talk and be friends but i see nothing. I even send a letter that validated her feeling as per my DB couch. Got nothing back. I see her at her 2nd job and says she will talk soon. and nothing. I just do not understand what is happening here anymore...
I am GAL i am reading DR. But still all this hurts and i think it has been to long now and will W ever come around. She said at some point back that she wanted a divorce but yet nothing is being done. If she wanted a divorce so bad why is she just letting me hang and not doing something about it. Has anyone been in the same place i am and made it back with W or not??
I guess i really feel that nothing is working and that she will never come around. I know Im sounding needy but It has been a long time and it is just what im thinking.
Should i just stop even talking to her do not text her do nothing but wait for her to contact me? Anyone have any thoughts on dealing with this and being in a bad spot today. I cant get out as the storm has closed roads.
please any thoughts should I just give up on this??
I just need a little input from someone. I just dont know what to do.
1- should i continue to do the contacting by text with her short replies. Just seems like i am bothering her. but hard to tell in a text.
2- Im always the one to do the contact. SHould I just stop and wait for her to contact me. I just dont want to loss contact altogether with her.
Last time I did the no contact for 30day 2.5 weeks in she sent me an email saying she wanted to do this in a nice way. Never said divorce but we know that is what she was talking about.
3- do i step it up and tell he we need to talk and deal with this. Honestly dont think this one is good.
She know how I feel. At this point the pall is in her court at this time. Just waiting for a reply from anything. the note i sent and the many times she said we will talk soon.
I just feel like things are going backwards and i honestly dont get it. It is like i gained personaly and then i feel like im lossing it again. does this happen to others?
I think me seeing my WAW the otherday realy messed me up mentaly. could be that i have been stuck in the house for 2 days.
Can some one help me to make the correct action here. Should i just not contact W and let her come to me at this point. Or do i continue to Text or maybe an email to keep the contack going. Just seems that the past weeks have been hard for me.
you guys can yell at me if you want I dont care. I just need help. i cant take this much longer guys and gals.... the steps forward then back just feels like this is not working at all...
I thought I was going crazy for a minute there. You have the same name as my thread! Stop the contact, let her contact you. You continually contacting her will be pushing her further away. What goals do you have for you? What 180 are you doing?
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
please any thoughts should I just give up on this??
First of all don't allow anyone to tell you when to give up, the choice to continue DB is up to you. Michelle is clear about this in the book.
Just a thought: You claim to have tried NC before with poor results. You also say that W started responding to your recent texts with brief replies, which is something she wasn't doing at first. If this is the case, it could be seen as baby steps.
Next time she replies, reply back and try to keep her engaged with a few simple questions, nothing big. Nothing about how much you miss her or "When are we going to talk". Think hard about what questions she would feel compelled to reply to. Preferably something that requires more than a yes or no answer. Does she have a pet or a special hobby or interest?
Plan ahead. Figure out when you think she'd be most likely to see your text and take a moment to reply to it before sending your introduction text. Don't send it when there is little chance for response, like when you know she's busy at work or out at a bar. Timing is everything.
If this fails then stop all texting and go NC again and stick to it. Work on GAL and getting her off your mind.
Quote:
i cant take this much longer guys and gals....
When YOU decide you've had enough and it's time to give up, go to the "After Last Resort Technique" in the book. This is the ultimatum. It gives her one last chance to keep you. Only do this if you truly are certain about giving up. You are reading the book, right?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I have tried what you said but not to offten. Yes she is replying to my txt most of the time. Yes there just one or 2 work replies.
I was reading the text last night and i guess I can take this one as a baby step too. what do you thing
This was when I saw her at the store with that Girl renting movies, Then walking into the local bar.
my text:It was good to see you. You Looked Very good
her reply text: You too, stay safe
I am hoping she ment I looked good too. And that is diffrent.
I'm just that most replies are 1 or 2 words. I will try in a day i guess to engage her again.. the way you say. Here is a question for you. i have been texting her almost every day the past few days. so should i wait a day or two.. How often is good to text her.
Yes I am reading the BR book. should i Read the DB book first i have no idea what one is best to start with so i bounce back and forth.
I do continue to GAL but i can say it is very hard. The things I like to do i just think how nice it would be to share this with my WAW. Thats what makes it hard. It is not that the things I am doing need 2 it is just sharing the joy with someone.
I say I'm not sure how much longer i can do this but I can say I am not going to give up. It is just sometimes I get very very down. with my birthday coming and the holidays coming i just think of how it was and i do well would like to have that again this year.
I dont know just a little down and maybe fighting deprestion. so I try not to act on the down feeling and i try to fake it till i make it. But it is hard sometimes....
Hi SS, Thanks for the imput. I think im going to try FY idea first. As it took some time to get to this point I dont want to give that up yet. But i can say i am confused on what realy to do.. the NC i tried and the only thing i got from her about 2 or 3 weeks in was that she wanted to be friends but can not afourd a lawyer so can we do this the easy way. so I just dont know what is best
i have been texting her almost every day the past few days. so should i wait a day or two.. How often is good to text her.
Simple. If she replies it means she's receptive, so you do the same. If she doesn't then you back off. It's a dance, and you're letting her lead.
Don't over think this, and don't try to read into her every word or smilie she sends you. It's only a way to reach out and initiate a friendly connection with her, and nothing more.
Did you figure out what topic(s) she is most passionate about? The things you know she'd be most interested in talking about?
And no excuses for GAL. You have to do this.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I have to agree here. I had been texting my STBXW, and she was replying. However, the past couple of days, she has not. Time to back off (for me at least).
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Simple. If she replies it means she's receptive, so you do the same. If she doesn't then you back off. It's a dance, and you're letting her lead.
Don't over think this, and don't try to read into her every word or smilie she sends you. It's only a way to reach out and initiate a friendly connection with her, and nothing more.
Did you figure out what topic(s) she is most passionate about? The things you know she'd be most interested in talking about?
And no excuses for GAL. You have to do this.
I am doing the best I can to GAL and feel I have done well to this point. It is just hard sometimes.
As far as topics That is a good one, I know she likes to read James patterson books. I also knows she likes to go to movies but i know she has not done in a long time. I am having a hard time finding something to grab onto. we liked to go out to eat. she loves the Voice and the X factor as do I.
Just not sure how to ask anything to make it a reply more than one word.
Guys I need to tell you that I am really trying to deal with all this. But I have to say i just feel myself slipping away into deprestion and i am trying to do everything i can not to fall into it. Has others done this same thing? How did you get out of the funk.
