My husband walked out on me one year ago.we would have been married 45years this year and have been together for 50. We are both 65.I found out 2years ago that he has A daughter from an affair he had. ( the daughter is now 18) we dealt with it 2 years ago when he told me and thought all was well.his daughter also just found out the same time as I did .he decided he wanted to be in her life now and so just decided to move out,no warning!we all live in the same small town. I just don't understand,I have accepted his daughter and told him she is welcome in our family .of course I did all the wrong things at the start but ever since I've been reading on this site I've been using these methods ,but to no avail.he stops to visit a lot but we never talk about R.I just don't get it,he says there is no one else.any suggestions?
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your H is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
I don't have much to say to help you, but I sympathize... Being rejected by anyone hurts, but it feels like an even bigger betrayal when it's done by your spouse. At least it does for me...
Hang in there, okay? And definitely read the book! Then re-read it. Take notes, highlight bits, and make goals! (I'm still working on all of this, myself.)
Also, the fact that he still visits is a terrific sign, in my opinion! And if he isn't talking about your relationship, that could be okay as long as he isn't talking about ending it, too...
Wishing you Hope.
-FH
Me: 36 H: 42 M: 13.5 T: 15 No kids; 3 cats IDLY: Mid-Jul 2012 I Give In: Early Oct 2012
he decided he wanted to be in her life now and so just decided to move out,no warning!we all live in the same small town. I just don't understand,I have accepted his daughter and told him she is welcome in our family .of course I did all the wrong things at the start but ever since I've been reading on this site I've been using these methods ,but to no avail.he stops to visit a lot but we never talk about R.I just don't get it,he says there is no one else.any suggestions?
How long ago did he move out? These things take a lot of time to resolve, so you mentioned you've been DB'ing "to no avail" but if it's been weeks or even a couple of months you need to accept that it's a long, slow process and usually takes at least a few months before you even start to see positive signs and can take much longer to get to reconciliation. Just stick with the DB'ing and be patient.
Granted your H said he left because of D18, but that can't be the only reason. Do some soul searching and determine what you contributed to the marital problems, and do 180's on those things. Make them a permanent part of the new you. Give your H time and space, he'll notice your changes but it'll take time for him to believe they're permanent. Work on a PMA (positive mental attitude). You want to be happy and confident whereever you go. Since you're in a small town, people you talk to WILL be reporting back to your H. What you want them saying is "I saw W today and she seemed so upbeat and confident! I don't know what she's up to but it's really making her happy!"
Hi yes still here have just been reading the comments,didn't know where to find my posts! Thank you so much for all of the positive comments. Yes I am upbeat when I go out and I go out a lot because I don't want to be home. I keep very busy with a lot of activities and volunteer work. My grandchildren also live very close so I do a lot with them and a lot of close and supportive friends and family. I would just like my life back and strongly believe my husband will come back when the fog lifts. It's just very lonely at night when there's no one here. He moved out 14 months ago.
Yes I have the dr book and everything else .also have checked out the midlife club which was a huge help as well.thanks for your comments ,this is a great site.
Its hard not to have expectations. In the evenings when I'm home I keep expecting that he's going to stop in ( which he does sometimes) .Then when he doesn't I get upset. Same as weekends, I expect him to be here with me , Saturday night used to be our " date " night, and Sundays were family days, now most Saturdays I sit home alone. Sunday mornings he comes for breakfaast then most times don't see him until Monday morning for breakfast. I ask no questions about his weekend and pretend that this is normal, very hard not to know what is going on ! Im tired of just being a "friend"
Had a good weekend GAL ing.was very busy,have another busy week coming up taking grandchildren to activities,also lots of my own activities.h still coming for breakfast.
