Time for a new thread. I had exceeded the 100 posts and after events of these last 24hrs the lightbulb has finally come on.
Being computer illiterate I am not sure how to link my previous thread titles "Help on how to behave". But if you need it you can search.
Truth is although I have been doing 180's and set goals, that new, happy person has just struggled to get through. The awakening never really happened and the easy option (i.e. quitting) had started to look attractive even after such a short time. It all just started to daunt me.
So here goes, I have booked my first DB coach session for Monday. I am looking forward to it and am committing for the long haul whatever path that leads to. No more negative energy (you can remind me of that in a few days :)).
First day of new me. Woke up positive. Let W have a bit of a lie in (she was out again last night - but she does not drink so not hungover, just a late one)
Took S with special needs swimming this am. Really good fun and gave W a break. Then took myself off to the gym.
W asked if I fancied a trip out with her and S for the afternoon. I accepted and we went to a country park with lots of birds and ducks (S loves feeding the ducks)
W even paid me what I think was a half compliment. I said how well behaved S had been (he is prone to behaviours which is difficult). She said its because you have been doing more parenting with him as opposed to S seeing you as his playmate. We then had a nice conversation about how well S is doing at the moment. Obviously he is oblivious to our sitch as he does not understand (no speech and learning difficulties). We have never argued in front of him anyway and have kept things as normal as possible to maintain his routine.
I am not reading too much into this - but it made a refreshing change from the critisism she has thrown at almost everything i have done lately.
W mentioned she will find out today or monday whether she has been accepted for her house. I just acknowledged her saying ok.
W mentioned that her friends are going out tnite for one of their birthdays. She said she was not going. When I asked why she said because it is not my money and we can't afford it. Plus they are meeting early and she has been out a lot this week and did not want to leave me to put S to bed.
I knew this was her way of asking whether or not I minded if she went out. I told her to go out, that even though she has been out a lot it has been visiting friends as opposed to going out properly. I said that I understand her feeling awkward re money and she should'nt. She thanked me, agreed to go and said she would be careful not to spend much. I have a few trips out planned over the next few weeks anyway so I really didnt mind.
I am feeling pretty good at the moment and my PMA has lasted the whole day with no negative thoughts. So that is a big plus on my part.
Busy day with S. Horse riding, swimming, then to mum n dads for dinner. I cooked as mum just had an op.
Not too much interaction with W during the day as I have been out with S.
This evening I was relaxing on sofa with S on one side and dog on the other. S was being cute patting the dog and W took a picture of the 3 of us (me, S and dog). Did some piano with S then took him to bed. I have been positive and upbeat all day.
Lots of laughs this evening from S and W joined in as well. I have made conscious effort not to initiate conversations with W, but she has been more talkative.
Just taking one day at a time but the tension has lifted again the last 2 days. I am not reading into this too much - I have been here before
W let me lie in this am. When I got up she had done all the ironing and kitchen was spotless!!!!!! Shocked - she has not done any ironing for weeks.
S went with carer, W went out and I went to gym. W acting v secretive still and why do I think she has got a house but not telling me? She has apparently been helping friend move furniture (she has done this for last few weekends!)
Also saw what looked like a loan repayment schedule sticking out of her handbag! (No I was not looking thru her stuff). Wondering how she cld get a loan unless it was in my name!!!guess I will find out soon enough.
Another mutual friend (well husband of W friends) contacted me today and said W has been talking to his W and we shldnt meet anymore. Apparently his W has been saying he can't take sides!!!it annoyed me but I just said I wldnt want him to get into trouble with his W so no hard feelings and perhaps catch up when the dust settles a bit more. This is rly frustrating as W is systematically working thru our mutual friends like this. However, he is the 1st one to stop contact.
Wondered is this normal, anyone else experiencing this? W mum called today asking for W. sounded rly off with me on the phone (it was only a few weeks back that she contacted me asking what's going on cos W had been vague.
But other than all that I am trying to remain calm and upbeat. I have my own friends, family and life.
Ok literally just after my last post W announces she has been accepted for house and wants to discuss what furniture she can take etc etc.
I did say originally she cld take some furniture (half of it wld be hers anyway). Even though I've been expecting it I had to hold the tears back because of S. Just won't seem right him not being with me every night!
She shows no remorse, no emotion nothing. I know the seeing n believing rule etc so cannot read into this. But at this moment in time I wish she wld step in front of a bus. Sorry I know that's horrible.
My H drops little comments every so often about when he "gets his house" and taking furniture as well. I can fully understand the urge to let the tears flow. Stay strong.
Best wishes for your DB session tomorrow.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
W said last night we need to talk re her moving arrangements, what furniture she cld take etc etc. I said of course we need to, but cld we do it tomorrow to give me a little time to think about it, arrangements with S etc etc.
She started to get angry as she wanted to talk about it right now. I said I understand u want to get things organised but I wld appreciate just a little time to think thru the practicalities etc then we can have a more productive discussion. I also explained that my main concern was S welfare and I didn't want to make any on the spot decision.
She spewed again!! Accused me of being controlling in that I only wanted to talk when I was ready, then started name calling and for some reason brought my sister into it and started laying into her - have no idea where that came from! I stayed calm but did raise my voice in an authoritativr manner (not anger) explaining that I did not think me needing a few hours was unreasonable given the situation, and that I am not being drawn into an argument. Cld we please not talk about it this whilst emotions are high and I will not put up with her name calling me when she does not get what she want when she wants it. She went quiet, I said politely I am going to bed and we will have an adult conversation about it tomorrow.
Fast forward to this morning and she apologised, said she does not know why she is losing her temper like this and she then started crying. She gave me almost the exact same story last time. I just said it is a difficult sitch and understandable. After about an hour she started being overly nice!! I know this is all script/to be expected and felt I handled this much better than previously. But a pattern is developing that whenever I don't give, she does a complete turnaround the following day and signs of emotion come out.
To be honest I was emotional last night when she confirmed about her house and rly not ready to talk about all the practicalities with S etc. I think I wld have got angry hence I wanted to sleep on it and get my rational head on. I guess I am still carrying a lot of anger with W about what she is doing although I am working it out at the gym! Does that ever go away? I am worried that given S difficulties, moving will set him back an awful lot. Thaty gets me rly frustrated when I think of what it has taken to get him this far.
She has gone to sign for the house this am and we will talk later.
Forgot to ask was my behaviour controlling or unreasonable re wanting a bit of time? I wld be interested in ur opinions so I can avoid making the same mistakes.
I have to say GREAT job on how you handled it. And you can see the proof of that by how she reacted the next day. A strong, secure, level headed man is attractive and she was overly nice, emotional an apologetic the next morning because she sees the changes and doesn't see you "fighting" her and is starting to feel the dreaded sense of losing you, a better more attractive you none the less...
Keep it up!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
with no negative thoughts. So that is a big plus on my part.