...but you are probably a great guy..and if she doesn't want you there are a lot of other women who would love to be in her shoes...thats how you need to think---don't let fear be your guide...
Right. We've been fired as H. Our job now is to build the happy and fulfilling life we want for ourselves. Do this genuinely and it will show. When you get to the point where you feel like SHE has to win YOU back, you know you've done well.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I was in the same shape as you....it took my W two years to leave...and then she had to have her parents pay for everything..she has no real job they just pay for everything; I think it is kinda sad...
I think your W is waiting for you to make things happen for her...just sit tight and be right....know that in the long run this will be a good thing...it can't feel great to be in a relationship with someone who has treated you as she has for the last few years...very little intimacy...etc...get out and move....you will feel better..take care of yourself. Join some clubs meet some new people...
Im going to take care of me for sure. My only issue is that she is treating our relationship exactly the same as it was before. She wants me to do all these bit and pieces for her, oddjobs etc.
Do I continue to be the obliging husband and keep doing my 180 tactics hoping that she will come around eventually or do I go dark and start cutting her out more?
Its so awkward that I feel like my head is going to explode!
bit of a disaster really.....wife came home early from work the other night and basically confronted me over R and what I'm currently doing.
said we were now acting fake with each other and it all felt wrong.
she is adamant that as far as we are concerned its over, yet she still has no exit plan and we are still being fine with each other.
It descended into me asking for the same chance that she has given me over the last 2 years. big mistake!
It's now 2 days later and I am just sticking to my gameplan.
don't think I can do anything else really?
feedback appreciated.
thanks.
The truth is our wive's can leave at any time. The sooner you realize and accept this as fact, the sooner you can properly take care of yourself and calmly stay on your DB path.
Be cool and confident, and concentrate on your own life. Once you decide that you'll be fine on your own if it comes to that, this becomes easier to do.
Stay on course and keep posting. There are no magic words or actions that will instantly change her mind, so don't waste your time looking for them. The only thing that will change her mind is time. Time for you to hunker down for the long haul, my friend, and quietly allow her to see the new man you can be.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
She wants me to do all these bit and pieces for her, oddjobs etc.
Do I continue to be the obliging husband and keep doing my 180 tactics hoping that she will come around eventually or do I go dark and start cutting her out more?
I want my wife to see the new me, the H that she would be silly to leave. So for me this means still doing stuff for US. If I do nothing for her why on earth would she want me back as H? Because “I taught her a lesson and showed her what she’s missing?” I’m not counting on that plan. If the shoe were on the other foot and she “cut me out” I’d take that as a sign that she gave up on us too, then we’d both be done.
At the same time, going bending over backwards to try to please her will look fake and may leave her losing respect for you. Balance and boundary time here, and you are the only one who can decide what will work best in your situation.
I just see seen your OM confirmation post. Is she aware you know?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
This guy was her boss for a while and is married to someone she works with!
Career suicide for my wife!
At least I know where I stand now.
What do I do at this point?
No big surprise to me, from all the threads I've read it is usually the case.
Remember she is not herself right now, she is all messed up with the infatuation of this other guy, its only temporary.
You have a few choices but I would try to not let it bother you, I know that [censored] but it should pass after she has time to think though her options.
Don't guilt her right now, she doesn't want to hear any logic, it will just backfire and push her away more.
M 42 W 41 S 10 D 7 M 15 Years T 20 Years Divorce busted
