ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
So yesterday I was trying to make space on my smartphone because the phone memory was running out. I don't know what I did but all my text messages got deleted. This included over 2750 texts between H and I since July 2011.
At first I felt really disappointed and sad that all that communication had been wiped but then I felt kind of free. Why was I hanging onto that stuff - it was past.
I used to read those strings of texts, looking for hope but it's actions not words that count, right?
So now H & I have a new conversation to have. We are no longer in any of those times - we are in the Now and what happens now will be different to all those other times.
Text Updates Thursday Came home and more mail arrived for H and as he should be heading back south this weekend. I decided to mention this mountain of stuff that needs dealing with.
ME - Hi H, didn't want to ask before but when are you coming back this way, as there's this xxx here that needs to be done by month end? I'd like to discuss it with you.
H (later) - Hi Tumbling, I will be back home Saturday night xx
Me - Ok wishing you a safe drive back x
H - Thank-you Tumbling x
Pls note that this ^^^^^ was written by memory as I dont have our history anymore.
I thought about replying you're welcome but decided it was unnecessary. I felt weird reading "home" because home is where I live not that room on the base...but I decided it was just a figure of speech.
Friday I thought I'd go dark for the day Nothing from H either!
Saturday - it's 1245hrs here Nothing from either of us.
I know he's driving and it's ok that he hasn't been in contact. I trust that he will get in contact again when he wants to.
What's shifted for me is that I am not judging his texting/not texting. I think that really helps detach from things and just accept the "isness" without getting stressed about it. It is what it is and that's all - no negative meaning for Tumbling to get insecure about
Planned GAL activities this weekend: This afternoon - cinema, spanish homework, update my blog, long bath
Tomorrow - Sunday - the day I associate spending with H because that's how it's been since he left if we were going to see each other. Afternoon with gf: we're going out to lunch followed by walk if weather good or movie at home if not.
Wishing everyone a great w/e
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Echoing tori here Tumbling. Hold steady. you can do this.
Enjoy your weekend in the meantime. Enjoy NOW.
(((((((( )))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
So, had a good afternoon. I went to my friend's house - guy from work. He lives near me so sometimes we go to movies together if we have no one else to go with. We had hot dogs before hand (tradition) whilst I tried to explain quantum physics - double slit experiment -(I'm NOT a scientist so it was quite funny)and then we went to see Looper - recommend it. Guess it's been out awhile in the States tho.
Switched my phone on when film finished (1800hrs) H had text at 1625hrs "Hiya Tumbling Nicknameforme*. Just to let you know I'm back x" (10)
I haven't replied. I didn't ask him to let me know. Tho that's what he USED to do. Am glad to know he's safe. Don't know what to do...???? Has enough time past yet to say "glad you're safe" (3)?
Why do you think he will start calling Tori?
I read another forum for women in relationships and a woman told a new guy she had started seeing, "I don't go in for texting, call me if you want." Anyway the guy text her to ask her out the next night and she didn't ansa. So he text again a few days later about going out on the w/e and she didn't ansa. Eventually after 5 days and no get together on the w/e. He called and she agreed t go out. I like that she held her boundaries.
I want to get to that place somehow.
*H and I have created new names for each other. We gave each other nicknames very early on so it's not often we use our real names. When he got back in touch to make it more comfortable for he used both names - FirstName Nickname - I signed an email off like that - copying what he had done and said I like my new name. He has used it ever since.
Good job going dark on Friday and Saturday (so far!) That's great.
You've asked me before if I perceive you as too available. I'll dissect this following text of yours and show you how I perceive it as making you seem available and very involved. There may be factors that I'm not aware of that make it less so than my interpretation of it and so I may sound overly tough. Please feel free to set me straight and please know that I'm not trying to sound critical. My intention is to be helpful
Originally Posted By: Tumbling
ME - Hi H, didn't want to ask before but when are you coming back this way, as there's this xxx here that needs to be done by month end? I'd like to discuss it with you.
1. Why say "didn't want to ask before"? It sounds as if you're giving your sitch lots of thought and it just sounds a bit complicated and involved.
2. "but when are you coming back?" I'm not sure why you need to ask that!
3. "as there is this xxx here that needs to be done by month end". This still doesn't really explain for me why this stuff requires you to know when exactly he'll be back. It sounded as if you knew he was coming back this weekend anyway. We are only 20th of month so I can't see the urgency. Also, would he realise that stuff needed to be done at some point? What would happen if you just said casually that there is mail for him at your place and left it at that?
4. "I'd like to discuss it with you". Is it stuff that you need to do together? If so, it's fair enough that you want to discuss it. If not, I'd say leave it to him to figure out.
I get the impression (and I may be wrong) that you use somewhat low level stuff that is neither urgent nor important (like downloading music, stuff about the house...) as an excuse to make contact and that that may make you seem very available. I'd love him to come up with concrete questions where he is asking you for information and making excuses to be in touch.
Having said that, I'm really pleased he told you he was back safely. What about just sending him a smiley face as a response? I certainly wouldn't start asking him when he was going to get his stuff or when you are going to discuss things. I also wouldn't try to get him to move from texting to talking by being explicit about it. If he does call you, be warm, and maybe cooler when he texts and he may want to speak to you more. Who knows?
I would just love to see him start to be a bit curious and engage more. I think that he is comfortable as things stand as you are obviously still very connected. This is obviously just my sense of it so I won't be offended if you think I'm way off base.
Your GAL sounds great! I'm glad in a way that your text history has disappeared. I don't think that re-reading his texts is very productive.
Keep enjoying your weekend. Maybe you're having your long bath right now!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Hi Wendylon I feel abit defensive but, good questions
I didn't want to ask before he's on business and he's miles away and he can't deal with this stuff up there - maybe I needed to write that in the text itself...he did mention it on the phone before he left and knows it needs doing. It's our MOTs expire 30 Oct - I'm not from UK so I get confused about it - he used to do both cars..so things need booking sooner rather than later.
I think I was also wanting to find out if he was back already cos of the sudden morning texts.
Yes - you're right - I probably do send texts with "hooks" I just text "Glad you're safe" at 20.15hrs - I had thought smiley face myself...next time I'm going with my instincts
Wendylon - I don't think he will EVER make an excuse to call or see me. I want him to choose me and make those moves BUT I think he is fine like this BUT I AM NOT. I don't want to be a textfriend/wife - he can FO with that (too much G&T!) - BUT I don't know how to get out of it....any ideas? Dimmer? No responding at all, even to good morning?
I am not asking when he is coming over nor mentioning MOT again. He knows about that.
I was secretly glad that he let me know he was back too
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Tumbling I have been reading your sitch for a bit. I wanted to point something out though. You wrote "I don't think he will EVER make an excuse to call or see me." One of the things that gets me into trouble every single time is thinking I KNOW how my H is going to react. In fact, it was one of the things we got into it about yesterday. I said, you were going to......... to him. It infuriated him. He said how do you know? You never give me a chance. In all honesty, his past behavior said I was right. However, he is also right in that I don't give him a chance. Maybe rather than assume you might give him a chance and really stop texting. My perception (as someone who does the VERY same thing) you do try to make excuses to text and talk to him. Stop. Make it your 180. Try it for 7 days. Surely you can do it for 7 days. No contact at all. I am willing to bet at some point in there he will be contacting you.
