Ok everybody I need some major help! Some quick background information is as follows. My wife and I have been together for 8 years. Lived together for 7 of those years and married for a little over 2 of them. She recently turned 29 and I just past my 30th birthday. About five weeks ago we were on a beach in jamacia, and now she is moving into her own place. Within two days of us returning from jamacia she tells me she is unhappy and packs her bags and leaves to her parents home. This completly stunned me, i really did not see this coming. Needless to say I cried begged and pleaded to no avail. Over the last four weeks since she has been gone, shes spent every weekend out of town with a different friend, spends mostly every work night at a bar. Her parents are completly stunned and say they dont even know who she is. Her attitude with her family has dramaticaly changed. Also during the past four weeks she has asked "have dinner with me" on days that she has come over to pack. I am just stunned on how quickly she is moving. she took her ring off almostly immediatly after leaving, says we are beyond hope, she loves me but is not in love with me and she doesnt want to try to fix it. One day i am on a beach with her and four weeks latter she has her own place! Im so lost so confused! Whats going on!. I bought the book divorce remedy and completed reading up to the end of step 7.
Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
Whew! That is a lot in a month in a half. Cadet gave you some very good advice. All of it is very hard to do. How do you breathe, eat, sleep, and exercise when your whole world feels like it has imploded?
Time will force you to do the daily stuff. That will pull you through part of it. Get a good supportive friend- not your family who will tend to ally and possibly not forgive or at least not forget when/if she comes back. You need a friend who believes marriage is worth the work you are willing to do and will support you. Re-read the sections of the book that seem applicable to you. Keep posting and perusing the boards for others who have walked this road.
And as Cadet wrote, believe NONE of what she says and only half of what she does. When the WAS (Walk Away Spouse) moves out their memory plays defense, erasing all the good from history so they do not feel confused or guilty. Give it time and give it space so that the good memories and the value of your shared history can be seen. Also, moving out gets tough after awhile (lonely, expensive, not as fun..)and this will work to your benefit. However, the more you push her or hold this over her, you will cloud her vision of the relationship and she won't see the good, just you pushing her. Detach. Let it all work in your favor.
While she is off having "fun", take the time to re-introduce some real fun into your life. Marriage can easily drag us into a rut where we let our passions and interests fall by the wayside. Be sure the interests you now pursue truly revive and rejeuvenate you. Sometimes it is hard when you are so sad, but you will find after you take the first step toward happiness the next and the next come easier.
As Cadet said, grab this gift of time and take care you. Your best efforts at reviving your marriage are in reviving your best, happiest self.
Thanks for the reply, It helps to hear feedback from people who understand. I have applied the last resort technique from the book since she has moved out. I have not started any contact with her in the past 3 weeks (she has been gone for a total of 6 weeks now)Im currently getting a text message about every 5 to 6 days regarding bills or packing up belongings. I have started to eat more but some days are really tough. I am just so hurt and confused.
Yea its extremely tough to detach but im trying hard. Seems everything reminds me of her and our relationship. I am going ot join a gym and I am trying hard to not think about what she could be doing. I keep trying to make sense of things but it doesnt work. I started to go back to church and I have been trying to go out with friends as often as i can.
No Greatful we do not have kids... We do have dogs and cats that will be divded up. We are in the process of moving our things out to respectful locations. Not a lot of communication at all right now. We go weeks between talks.
Update: Two weeks ago I contacted one of the therapist from this site and had a session. We came up with a plan of action and later that night i put it into play when my wife came over to pack up some of her items. The night went really well. She vented a lot of her work frustrations to me, we ate dinner, she had a few drinks, and believe it or not she was dancing in the kitchen to halloween songs. When she left that night She told me she had a lot of fun with me. She even suggested that we share a storage shed and wanted us to take our pets to the vet together. She made plans to come over this weekend to continue to pack. What is concerning to me now is that i havent heard from her since. Its been about two weeks with no word and she didnt show up this weekend to pack. Not even a message to say she wasnt showing up. I found out she went out of town with a girlfriend instead. So what do I make from all of this?
