Is this cake eating? 9

[JuneReN]

I have taken to saying "I don't think I am understanding what you are saying," And ask for clarification of a certain part/ H and I agreed today that there has been much miscommunication due to well, miscommunication. An action means this. So we have said we are going to clearly define things or ask for clarification.

Of course it may take a little time for your H to say what he means when you ask for clarification, maybe he won't even get there. He seems to be using these opportunities to spew rather than communicate.

Congrats with not getting sucked into the argument!! I got partially sucked in today and it was darn hard not to spew back and justify my actions!!

[BklynMom]

Busto again comes through with a post that really makes me think twice about my behaviors and actions.

Dbing is really different from so much of what our culture emphasizes that it makes it important to read here every day so we can remold our mind to a higher and gentler path.

We can do it gang!!

[MichelleLT]

Great progress NLW! And good insights.

Busto of course has great communication tips. It's hard to take things at face value, but part of detaching is just taking that step back and giving him that space mentally. You are getting there!

[2chiquitos]

Checking in on you NLW. And thinking of you.

[NLW]

journalling
Got thru Xmas OK.

Very sad but very busy too.
I did lunch for 7 at my place (carved the Ham and Turkey myself for the first time, and made all the food - H used to be the cook in our household - so a big positive for me there) and then I had MIL and FIL over after dinner.

H rang at 8pm and spoke to the kids for 1 minute each. Wanted to know the detail of what gifts they received - e.g., when D16 said 'food', he asked what sort.

He dropped by on Xmas eve to deliver the kids' gifts but didn't stay long. D16 was still at work, so she didn't see her father at all for Xmas.

Said he'd come to see the kids on Boxing Day to take them to visit his parents, but as it turned out, he didn't show.

D16 and I went to the sales on Boxing Day and MIL asked us up to her place for a BBQ dinner. We stayed until late, with BIL and SIL in attendance. All the immediate family, in fact, except H.

BIL was being really nice and chatty to me and gave me a big heartfelt hug when he left. No word about H has been mentioned between us though.

Always makes cry when people show sympathy, but otherwise i had a good couple of days.

H finally showed up after an inordinate amount of to-ing and fro-ing on 27th to take the kids to the dog park (one of 2 locations he takes them when he comes to get them - the other is to his mothers' house).

I think Xmas has been hard for him and he has been retreating. No chink in his armour shown to me though. But enough mind-reading...

We still have the kids' present to give him, so wondering if he will come in on his return to get it.

All in all, I am coping much better in some ways with his absence than i would have thought possible over Xmas.

But it still catches me out as just so ODD that this is actually happening to us.

Don't know when/if I'll ever get over that feeling.

Thanks to everyone here - your posts and replies to me have helped me get through a time of the year that i thought would be awful.

As it turns out, i think I have finally detached enough to cope with just about anything. Kids took it harder than me - they were upset about the gifts he got them and so sad that he didn't show up to see them. S14 kept saying "It doesn't feel like Xmas". But we're through it and fine now.

Best to you all; bring on the New Year.

[bustingout]

Hi NLW, Am glad to hear you managed to enjoy xmas. I think it is really nice that you spent so much time with your in-laws.

I will be honest with you, I don't think I will get over that feeling too...

Thinking of you XXX

[2chiquitos]

You are AMAZING!! 1-you made xmas dinner all by yourself! A ham AND a turkey! WOW! 2-you showed your kids that xmas doesn't need to stop there! You invited mil n fil to your place AND went to in-laws BBQ! 3-you didn't give H cr@p for his depressive state, because that is what it is. He went to his "man cave" and hid, most likely to mope (self-pity).

DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!

[NLW]

Vero, Thanks for this.

I never thought of it this way. I still tend to focus on the negatives (woe is me, etc).

I need to do more positive thinking about what I have and what I've achieved.

Thanks so much for your input!

[tori2012]

NLW, stopping by to see how you're doing. Agree on Vero's post about how well you did during the holidays!

The odd feeling? Yup. It's always there...

[BklynMom]

Sounds like you did awesome. Enjoy the new year maybe do something extra special for the kids.