1) Yes, I have been listening to my family, my therapist, and the lawyer. Yes I have been reacting and then regretting it. I have stopped being so reactive and I waited a few days before i responded to her asking for money. I bounce my reply to my siblings (2 which are lawyers) and BIL who is a lawyer. As discussed my response with my therapist.
What have a Learned about myself? I rationalize things too much, without looking at emotions. I am easily depressed. I have trouble saying NO. I do not speak up for myself I am self-sacrificing, afraid of failure and subjugation, shameful, have a great fear of abandonment, codependent. I keep my expectation low so I do not get let down. I hate being lonely but often put myself in position to be lonely.
Her reason. She was no happy. she asked me if I was happy and I said NO because she was no happy, and that I had been trying to make her happy. She could not be the source of my happiness. She was not sure if she want children. I told her that I accepted that, she told me that that was the wrong answer She did not want to live in our house/ neighborhood anymore. I said i would move, she told me I did not want to move. No I did not be I would of, even though we would take a 50k hit our the sale of the house. She told me that I did not become the man she thought I would become. I told her you do not marry someone for who they are going to be, you marry them for who they are. I married her for her. She told me she was naive when she got married. I told her she was 29 yrs old, you were not naive.
I don't know how much you're talking about. But if it wasn't much in the first place, why did you REACT the way you did? Did you over react AND/OR have you talked yourself down?
Because during the mediation we agreed what to do with it and she was yet again breaking her word. I thought long and hard about my response, took me two days to calm down and give the the response I did.
And what is with the "all or nothing" approach? I don't think my suggestion for you to take YOUR half and put it somewhere safe, as in asset protection, was aggressive. It's assertive, but not aggressive and especially since you were going to CALMLY INFORM her of it...the way you'd have wanted notification. I did that with our first joint account so I would have money to pay our mortgage and she really got pissed, acting as if I stole from her, (i guess you could say I did) but I at the rate she was spending i saw it necessary
well if that^^ is true, then so be it. Sounds as if your risking whatever remains in the account, that she could arguably believe she can have...but if it's not much, then so be it. Might not be worth it. I agree here, I would be straighten out in court.
I just think a boundary setting by you but done in a calm healthy way, would show CHANGE on your end. And I'm not sure she has seen much. How can she she change if there is no contact?
Were you depressed much in the marriage? Would SHE SAY you were? B/C to an extent, her perception is all that matters for now. YES and YES I worked and went away, missing her terribly. I did not like my job but it gave us good support we needed while she was in school and looking for a job herself.
