Tadpole, In the very early stages, denial, I did not know exactly what was wrong. The malaise just continued to worsen until it was full blown depression every day. I did know when it hit full force that something was wrong but had no idea what. My goal and I say that very loosly was just to survive the day. That goal was I hope I was alive by the end of it. I would look in the mirror and think Im staring right through myself. There was nothing of substance there.
In hindsight now, I believe there are two types of MLC's, A internal one which is full of depression self loathing and discust but you do not act out. You delve into your soul if you will and eventually find the cause and hopefully work to complete the task. This does not last as long as an external one if you realize the issue is from within.
The second type is external where they run and project there anger outwardly, and project the answer outwardly. Cars, runnig away etc. Anything and everything to escape the pain.
Understand, this is only my opinion. I had an internal MLC. 1/2 of it I don't even remember because I was in a complete and debilitationg fog. What I mean by that is I dont know how i didnt lose my job, and basically everything.
The pain started to lessen when I realized, I was the answer and nobody else. I believe this is why people don't come out of it. Realizing you are responsible is a tough lessen for human beings.
And if there is a gift in all of this…this is it. That is, for those that really finally begin to focus on it.
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Life does get better slowly but it does get better(newbies)
To all newbies..I second this ^^^. Only other additional comment is that YOU have to WANT it to get BETTER and YOUR ACTIONS should be consistent with the WANT.
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I do allow for the melancholy moments as well and give them their due.
I know the feeling well. Personally, I think this is where we gain much of our peace.
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What I saw was a non smiling, very unhappy looking person. I made a couple light hearted comments to no avail. The hatred still seemed to be oozing out of every pore.
Are you sure we did not marry the same person. My XW is much the same…the anger is so visable. She does a good job of hiding it..but may you can see it. It’s sad.
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Work on yourselves, Its the best gift you can give yourself.
The advice we give so many..Honestly though sometime I forget just how hard the internal work is. It’s sooo not easy but soo worth it.
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I do go out in mixed company quite a bit.
Comm’on Mirage…no stories. Just kidding….
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Another universal gift is forgiveness. This is a tough one but well worth the effort. If there is a magic bullet for your soul this is it.
BINGO! Only way to really get to this place though…is to truly detach…to truly let go… Much easier said than done.
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Thanks to all who post, follow and learn from the input and insights on these boards. Its almost like Psychology master level courses with actual case studies. Frued and Jung would be proud i think.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at this quote. True though…very true.
In closing, very interesting perspective on the type of MLCers…very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
hi Mirage, I have a question for you, if that's ok. My mlcer is -so far- also having an internal mlc and is still at home, ten months after bd. He has been to a coach and a therapist, and is now considering seeing a psychotherapist. He's very distant towards me and doesn't want to spend time with me. Sometimes I feel he just can't stand being in the same room/house with me so he takes off for a while. He has talked about leaving in the beginning, but from the time I started leaving him alone and stopped asking questions, he hasn't talked about leaving. I saw your response on hrm's tread, about you remembering your feelings about blaming yor wife for everything, and I think my mlcer feels the same way about me, although he never really monsters at me. my question is, if you felt that way about your wife for a long time and blamed her, why did you stay? And what made you do the soulsearching if you thought she was to blame? And I also
hi Mirage, I have a question for you, if that's ok. My mlcer is -so far- also having an internal mlc and is still at home, ten months after bd. He has been to a coach and a therapist, bought a selfhelp book about mindfullnes and is now considering seeing a psychotherapist. He's very distant towards me and doesn't want to spend time with me. Sometimes I feel he just can't stand being in the same room/house with me so he takes off for a while. He has talked about leaving in the beginning, but from the time I started leaving him alone and stopped asking questions, he hasn't talked about leaving. I saw your response on hrm's tread, about you remembering your feelings about blaming yor wife for everything, and I think my mlcer feels the same way about me, although he never really monsters at me. my question is, if you felt that way about your wife for a long time and blamed her, why did you stay? And what made you do the soulsearching if you thought she was to blame? And I also would like to know if you told other people about the relationship issues, or that you managed to keep it all between the two of you for the whole time?
I'm hoping you find the time to respond, because so far your mlc looks a lot like the mlc my h is having. And I know that no mlc is exactly the same, I hope to get some more insight from someone who has lived it and get the strenght to keep doing what I'm doing.
