I am now divorced officially. I am a better father. I am a better person altogether. I have a GAL life thats pretty good. The relationships with the kids is also very good. (one old enough that he is moving on shortly yea) Life does get better slowly but it does get better(newbies) I do allow for the melancholy moments as well and give them their due.
My last contact with EXW was today, to transfer car titles. Hadnt really seen or heard from her in months. Bomb day was March of 2010. The titles were the last paperwork to get through. I thought I would see a happy, smiling person as this was what she wanted. What I saw was a non smiling, very unhappy looking person. I made a couple light hearted comments to no avail. The hatred still seemed to be oozing out of every pore.
The clerk doing the transfer actually looked at me with this you were married to her look. It was actually priceless!
So to the newbies, MLC which I still think is the culprit was alive and well! 2 1/2 - 3 years later.
Work on yourselves, Its the best gift you can give yourself. I am single by choice at this point. Not to say I havent had opportunites and I do go out in mixed company quite a bit.
Mirage if the divorce was just final now I suggest you be very kind to yourself. You are very vulnerable right this minute and you need to just do the basics for a few months. Eat, sleep, exercise and GAL.
You are correct that TIME will help to heal these wounds but right now please make it your friend and not the enemy.
I think there are a few universal things we are to learn throughout our lives and you hit on one:
Be kind to youself!
Another universal gift is forgiveness. This is a tough one but well worth the effort. If there is a magic bullet for your soul this is it.
If anyone has read the peacful warrior, Soc one of the main characters 3 laws of the world are Paradox, humor and change and these things if understood are the keys.
Its funny with this MLC that it couldn't be more true. Things change constantly, what you think is, is really not - paradox. and humor can get you through if you can keep yours in the face of this crises.
This is my next step ... divorce. Dreading it, but looking forward to it too. If that makes any sense.
So, you're over the hurdle, and it doesn't look that bad on the other side, I assume. I've also grown during my journey of the past 7 years. I look at myself in that past person, and feel so sorry for her.
Take care, and enjoy your GAL activities, and your children.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I feel sorry for her because she clung onto her M too long, and put up with too much negativity from H. I am glad to say that I feel I have grown way past that. Even though I still love my STBXH, I realize that it's not enough. Trust is the key issue for us, and I doubt I could ever trust him again, especially since he (for no real reason) continues to lie to me. If this is who he is, then I'm not interested, even if he wants back in.
GAL is the way to go ---- agreed! Humor gets one through a lot ---- agreed!
I've seen my H do great things too, but not in the past 7 years, that I've noticed. But, I was trying to concentrate on myself, and my issues. So, maybe it went below the radar.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I am going on 4 years and my xh hates me still. I am in school for nursing and xh thinks I WILL NOT become a nurse, I will NOT become anything. He relates this to my son sadly. He sees me as he left me.....if only he knew. lol I apparently have moved way ahead of him.
All I can say is.... hate on.... I am better than that. I have no ill feelings for him anymore. I pray for him.
Forward - You are correct 2 1/2 years in not long in MLC years. Reminds me of how people say how old a dog is in human years. Lol!!
I look back at my own MLC which did last 2 1/2 years, and consider myself lucky. To have to live with that internal pain rattling around your brain for 5, 10, 15 years just boggles my mind.
Thanks to all who post, follow and learn from the input and insights on these boards. Its almost like Psychology master level courses with actual case studies. Frued and Jung would be proud i think.
Well back to a fun filled weekend to all the DB'ers!!
Hi Mirage. When you went through your own MLC, did you know something was wrong and did you know you were in pain or did you not realize it until later?
Tad
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
