Things seem a little better, but H says that he feels like there is a "block" when he tries to get close to me? I don't know what that means and didn't want to push the issue, but it worries me. Also he still seems distant. this whole thing is so exhausting and draining. I wish I was stronger I'm really trying to be. I wish I could say I love you to him, but I know he will not say it back and that breaks my heart. He is away on a hunting trip, back in our home town for a few days, I feel like his sisters want us to D and he is staying with one of them. I really hope I'm wrong but they all hate me cause they blame me for moving their little bro away from them. I know I over think stuff, I need to stop. That is what makes him mad at me , the weird negative crap I think:/ . So I'm not going to call or mention any of this garbage which is probably what it is anyway. I know I gotta start thinking about what I want to do know. It's weird for me cause all I know since I was 17 was H and my kids lives. I never got to do my own thing, my parents kicked me out because I was dating H. I need to build more confidence in myself to finish school. How I don't know, right now getting threw a day without crying is good I'm pissed at myself for feeling this way
You are not alone. I have been having several hard days myself. Just try to detach and GAL. Don't say anything about the sisters. I'm sure he knows you guys have conflict and likely it just makes him feel put in the middle when you say something. No need to add more hard feelings. It IS exhausting. I am completely worn out. I keep hoping that eventually I will just drain myself of all the pain. So far, that hasn't happened. I do best when I keep busy. If there are any projects or anything you had started now might be a great time to finish! Check when you can enroll back in classes and finish school. Start making plans for your future.
Things seem a little better, but H says that he feels like there is a "block" when he tries to get close to me? I don't know what that means and didn't want to push the issue, but it worries me.
Don't worry about it. Watch for baby steps, not giant moves. Have you read DR yet? It goes into this. Drop your expectations and accept the baby steps as signs that things are moving in the right direction. If things seem better than that's a great sign, but don't sweat every little thing H tells you because you're going to hear a lot of conflicting info for a while. That's why one of the DB tips is not to believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
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He is away on a hunting trip, back in our home town for a few days, I feel like his sisters want us to D and he is staying with one of them. I really hope I'm wrong but they all hate me cause they blame me for moving their little bro away from them.
Again, don't worry about those things. They'll eat you up and you could be wrong. I think it was Denver that said he used to obsess about what his W's friends and relatives were telling her to do, then he found out after they reconciled that in fact the people he thought were working against him were actually telling his W to give him another chance. But regardless of what they're telling your H, it doesn't change your DB approach because you are working on YOU.
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I know I over think stuff, I need to stop.
We all do, it's hard not to. Just don't let it affect your actions. Vent about it here, it helps you to let it go so it doesn't affect you.
yes i ordered DR, it should be in the mail in a few days. thanks for the advice everyone. H is on his hunting trip now, i wish he was home but i guess its better since im sick right now i missed work today.. i hope im better tomorrow. im not going to call him while he is there, he told my oldest son he is mad at me because i smother him, i never thought i did. it bothers me that now my sons are getting affected by this. but so far its calm and im just trying to step back.
Had a bad day today, started losing it emotionally, I called H and said we could of went with him since he is taking his nieces and nephews out fishing he could be doing this with his sons, so he got mad of course. Well I do feel that way how come he can spend time with them that way and not with his own children. He kept saying don't ruin my vacation?! Wtf I need a vacation from this pain, he just seems so selfish to me. I'm having a hard time. How do I keep going?!
See if you can take advantage of this time with your H being away to regroup. Don't call him and keep reading other people's threads. I'm sure you'll find it helpful to see that many of us are in the same situation. There is always great advice on other people's threads too.
Have you considered taking any anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds? I last a while off but I was feeling worse and worse and as if I couldn't keep my head above water. I still find the whole process painful but I don't find it unbearable--which is how I started to see it.
Good luck and keep reading and posting!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Had a good day till tonight, it's when I stop doing things and its bed time I have a hard time, I'm so tired of crying everyday!! I'm fixing things around the house and thought what if I'm just doing this so he can sell the house?! And it scared me now I'm a mess . I don't know if I can go on this way. He calls and talks to me about what he is doing but it like talking to a stranger. It's killing me. What did I do?! Why am I such a bad person to him?! I don't understand this is such a nightmare! I want it to stop. I texted him last night that I miss us and I hope he relaxes and has fun on his trip, no response of course. What does that mean?
he told my oldest son he is mad at me because i smother him, i never thought i did.
Take his word for it. He's telling you that you need to give him time and space, give it to him. Really think about your actions and what you're doing to make him feel smothered. This is the perfect time to detach and GAL, he's basically telling you to.
Originally Posted By: Shewolf076
Had a bad day today, started losing it emotionally, I called H and said we could of went with him since he is taking his nieces and nephews out fishing he could be doing this with his sons, so he got mad of course.
That's a great example of smothering and applying pressure. Don't do it!! The hardest part of DB'ing for all of us is doing the opposite of what our instincts are. Our instincts are to beg, plead, reason, explain, justify, etc. These things DO NOT work! They are all pressure, pressure, pressure! The WAS needs NO pressure! They need time and space to sort things through on their own without our intervention.
Originally Posted By: Shewolf076
Wtf I need a vacation from this pain, he just seems so selfish to me. I'm having a hard time. How do I keep going?!
He IS selfish. Nearly all WAS's are. Get used to it, it's going to be this way for quite a while. We keep going by constantly reading DR, posting here, supporting each other and reminding ourselves this is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be many ups and downs along the way.
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What did I do?! Why am I such a bad person to him?! I don't understand this is such a nightmare! I want it to stop.
We all go through these thoughts! Your WAS has rewritten history and made you a bad person. Don't take it personally, just remember your gameplan and stick to it. Do things to remind yourself that you are a great person. Pick up new hobbies, meet old friends, get out and make new ones.
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I texted him last night that I miss us and I hope he relaxes and has fun on his trip, no response of course. What does that mean?
It means you're still smothering him. Stop the texts. If he texts you then wait a while to reply and keep it short. No "I miss you" stuff.
this whole thing is so exhausting and draining. I wish I was stronger I'm really trying to be. I wish I could say I love you to him, but I know he will not say it back and that breaks my heart.