You made way too many assumptions based on an internet communication about my attitude, my marriage, and my communications with my partner. You need to be careful about that. If you have actually read and made the connection between that post and some of my other posts I think you will find that I do take responsibility and have understood and accepted how important sex is to my H. In fact, our sex life is very active and he has expressed tremendous satisfaction and happiness with our marriage. I don't think I deserved what you wrote. I do not need to be convinced of your view of marriage any more than I need to accept Ceberon's. It's my H's and my view of marriage that matters to my situation. We both agree that physical intimacy is not an obligation. The fact that he and I are in agreement on this point makes it that much easier for me to truly want to meet his needs. I know my husband well enough to know that if he thought I was having sex out of sense of obligation, then he wouldn't be too happy about it. My willingness to meet my husband's needs comes from my love and concern for my spouse. You have claimed in one of your other posts to want to see the other side and that you take other's perspectives. I don't see evidence of it in the post you made to me. Instead you seem to be intent on trying to convince me of your point of view regarding marital obligations regarding sex. It is your husband you must convince of that viewpoint, not me.
I'm not sure why my post caused you to become so defensive. Also, this post here kind of contradicts some of what you say on your other thread. At no time did I say your sex life wasn't active BUT from reading your other posts I made that assumption because that was the impression you gave in your writings.
My post to you was not an attempt to convince you that my view of marriage was the right view but let me ask you this...you are engaging in sex with your husband to fulfill his needs. Is it working for your marriage? Are you feeling a connection with him and actually wanting to have sex with him? Judging from your posts I don't think so.
I'm not so sure you should be defending how you and your husband believe if those beliefs are not producing a sex life that is mutually satisfying. Your sex life is active and he is tremendously satisfied. You are in pain though. That obligation I spoke of is two fold. You are not only obligated to satisfy his needs but to also make sure yours are satisfied.
Marriage is a contract, with any contract comes certain obligations to every party in the contract. As much as it would be nice to think that it is shared responsibility it isn't. You can't share in your husband's responsibility to give you the emotional support you need. There are actions he needs to take toward you just as there are actions you need to take toward him. Until both parties are acting in the needed ways only one party to the contract is going to be getting any satisfaction from the contract. Saying that it is a "shared responsibility" lets the other person off the hook for their hurtful actions.
Your husband has an obligation to you just as you have one to him. Holding each other accountable for meeting those obligations is the healthy way to maintain a marriage or any other relationship. Maybe if he knew that you were engaging in sex with him out of a sense of obligation he might stop and think about why you aren't feeling a deeper connection with him and finding more enjoyment.
All I have are opinions, thoughts and ideas that are based on my experience. I've always been one to give my opinion but have never been one to push my beliefs off on others. That is not my desire here. This board is for opinions and when they are read we all have the choice to listen or tune it out. It's not my wish to hurt you or engage in battle with you...only want to give an opinion. Cathy
