First thread (that i'm presuming is locked) 8) [url=http://http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2273448&page=1][/url]
So I'm struggling a little today. It is my birthday and I'm trying to enjoy all the positive comments from family and friends via text and FB.
Part of the dilemma is that I still need to address the OM being at the house over the weekend, and simply the fact that this is the first time in 10 years that W hasn't helped celebrate it with me. I wasn't expecting anything, It's just different. She did send a nice email that supports she has noticed some of my GALs though. So I guess that's a good thing.
Afa, yes, your first thread is locked. Hey, happy birthday.
Hang in there and wait till tomorrow to think about what to do next. Today is your day!
This is what my coach would say: When your W says she feels good, you say, "well, that's great. You know what? I know what you're talking about, because I feel pretty good too."
You should address the OM thing soon. Just a calm, "Hey, I heard you brough the OM to the house the other day, and this wasn't what we agreed to do. If that's what you are going to do, you'll have to move out of the house. Think about it and let me know."
Happy B-day again. Things will turn out well for you.
So I pretty much took what you wrote and said it to W. She was simply stunned that I knew, and was speechless. She then said, "who said you get to make the rules?". My response was that, "We set up those rules early on in this separation, the house, our home, was a safe place; and I'm not going to simply be walked on". She followed up with, "Well I want a divorce.". I said "then file, but I'm not going to help you." I showed her my wedding band, and told her that "I am acting like a married man." She then became silent to go to bed angry, and I'm honestly proud of myself. Ultimately she may file, but at least I'm standing my ground for me. I did add that if she wanted us to be "amazing friends," as she had said a few weeks ago, that I expect to be respected. I do feel like a weight has been lifted, for now at least.
Good job, Afa. I have a feeling she won't file. Stay cool.
I would not tell her you're acting like a married man again. This puts her in a position of power (she can date but you are not doing it.)If she isn't wearing her wedding ring, don't wear yours, but don't mention anything. Let her notice. At the same time, behave content and composed. Do not get into arguments. Continue being pleasant around her and a loving father.
Well, for starts, I slept well for the first time in weeks, if not months. She sent me an apology text as she realizes it was wrong. And just now she sent me a "I want to move out (how will you afford the house if I pay rent elsewhere), don't want to hurt you, don't want to fix things, I want a divorce" text. So it kind of stings. I"m going to get to work and not reply for quite some time. I'll check back here in a couple of hours. Maybe this is what she / I need. To truly allow the WAW to Walk Away. Thoughts / suggestions?
I agree with Tori, take your band off and don't say anything. When she's not wearing her ring and you are wearing hers it's pressure, it's telling her you disagree with her feelings and you want something different than she does. Quit wearing it and she'll wonder why you did, it'll create mystery and intrigue.
No clue how we will practically afford things (eg OUR mortgage and her place). That's the main reason that we started with an in home separation.
I would want the kids to stay with me, and she may say the same thing. We originally had said the kids will stay at the house, so as to not disrupt them as much.
