Here's the thing, I see these hot chicks and I feel none of them compare to my W.
Oh how we are all rowing the same boat & going through the same emotions at the same time! I to feel exactly the same as all of our fellow Freshman, and this is even after the OM incident/debacle!
Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, LIFE is but a DREAM!
Let's keep our chins up Freshman & believe that God does have plans to prosper us & not harm us!
Some of you may or may not view this as unproductive. One trait that’s come to the surface over the years is that my W is VERY selfish. Whether she knows she's selfish or not, I feel it's something she really struggles with. I am trying to understand this trait. It sounds like a lot of people are selfish because of unmet needs. They are also selfish because it’s a way for them to feel “in control.”
From some of the reading I’ve done, it seems really hard for this trait to be turned around, not that I need a "fix it" mentality. Ok, I am contradicting myself but one thing that might help a “selfish” person would be for them to see someone else do “selfless” acts. I believe acts of service is discussed in the 5 LL’s.
It’s kind of a complicated subject for me to fully grasp, I believe we are all selfish to a certain extent. From where I stand now in my sitch, I don’t know if very much of this can be implemented into DB’ing? Below are some of the traits of a selfish person and an interesting statement I read.
Uncaring attitude and a strong “Me first” trait. Manipulative, scheming and plotting. Calculative and accumulators. Low self-esteem. Contemptuous of others. Highly self-centered and self-obsessed.
“The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; So ignorance can only be dispersed by knowledge; selfishness by Love.”
I am consumed by the infidelity text the other day. It really takes over my thoughts. Very hard, I have to work on shaking it. Very painful, it might be helping me detach even more, don’t know.
Yeah, Rough. Not an easy one to get through but you can do it mate. As I said earlier, if it did happen at all, it might have been just a fling, which means she's not emotionally attached. That makes it easier in the long run. I'm having doubt about my own sitch because W seems to be emotionally attached to OM to the point of gambling her life and family just to see what happens even though it's obvious to everyone in her entourage that there is no future to it.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Yeah, Rough. Not an easy one to get through but you can do it mate. As I said earlier, if it did happen at all, it might have been just a fling, which means she's not emotionally attached. That makes it easier in the long run. I'm having doubt about my own sitch because W seems to be emotionally attached to OM to the point of gambling her life and family just to see what happens even though it's obvious to everyone in her entourage that there is no future to it.
I like how you put that. Does she know this is what it is?
I met with the Pastor. Great guy that Ive known for some time. He was very helpful when my father passed away last year. He’s my age and he just received his PHD in Theology. I found it to be a very productive meeting. I will also be working with him to get baptized for the first time.
We went over my sitch and talked about forgiveness. Currently I need to work on forgiveness for “myself”. To help “me.” He said time helps but it also helps if I understand my shortcomings and mistakes I’ve made and by doing so it will help to forgive. We also talked about the forgiveness process if there’s ever a reconciliation. IMO, that’s not something I am thinking about for now. I will cross that bridge when/if the time comes.
We also talked about how I view the separation, kids, etc…I talked about DB a bit. He was really blown away on the way I was handling things, I think he was a bit impressed. He said it’s not what he usually hears and he said it sounds like I am doing a lot of the right things. He’s used to hearing a lot of accusations, anger, etc. Basically always putting the blame on the other person. I remember Acc went to a divorce support group some time ago and it sounds like he heard the same thing in the meeting he attended. Just a lot of blaming which stops growth IMO.
One thing that resonated with the Pastor was how consumed my W has been in regards to money. He councils a lot of individuals and couples and he felt “the money” subject was very extreme in my sitch, a bit over the top versus other sitches he’s been involved with. I went on to tell him that it’s not only the money, it’s what’s behind it, what it stands for. W wants to know that things are taken care of, bills paid. Basically being responsible and doing the necessary things to make life easier.
One thing that resonated with the Pastor was how consumed my W has been in regards to money. He councils a lot of individuals and couples and he felt “the money” subject was very extreme in my sitch, a bit over the top versus other sitches he’s been involved with. I went on to tell him that it’s not only the money, it’s what’s behind it, what it stands for. W wants to know that things are taken care of, bills paid. Basically being responsible and doing the necessary things to make life easier.
This has been one thing that has also particularly bothered me about your situation since I began following.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Yeah Denver, somewhat good to hear. Glad I am not the only one that feels that way. Sometimes you’re with someone for so long that you start to misunderstand right and wrong, you just get so used to things being a certain way that you don’t know any different, if that makes any sense, haaa!
I get vm from my W two hours before back to school night for parents only. “Oh, by the way, it’s back to school night and I don’t have child care, things have been so hectic that I forgot to mention it. You can go if you want.” Wow, the life of a broken family!!! I search the web for when it starts, no luck. I was adimit to figure it out for myself. I didn’t call W back, I just went to sons school and by luck I got there at the right time. I attend back to school night for the first time as a separated father, the isolation I felt, the feeling of being an “outsider”. I am really glad I went though. I met some of the parents and the teachers. I was also able to write a note in my sons school journal which he will see tomorrow. I can only imagine the other kids coming to school tomorrow to read there journal of what there parents had to say, and then have my sons journal be empty, no way!!!!!!!
Take care my DB friends. I read a lot of the posts. You guys mean a lot!!! I am forever thankful.
That's good mate. Focus on your kid. You can't go wrong doing that. All the best!!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
