Here is my sitch. It is really very scripted to the ones that are here but a bit different. I met my W not long after her first M failed. I don't think she had enough time to work things through. We quickly got P and that began a whole lot of stress early on in our M. I was jealous and controlling at the beginning and she always having EA with other men...Sex was only o.k as we had kids early on and lots of stress with trying to survive and everything moving on so fast. She has moved out to her own place and is being supported by her parents and a part time job that she has. I think she has another man but I am not sure and don't want to ask because I am trying to do a 180. but should I not find out? He is over there when my kids are there and over there when they are not. he is in the band with her and is a very strange person and she says they are just friends and there is no way she would have a R with him. Here is the other part my wife is a WAW and the kids have really bonded with me over the last couple of years and don't want to be at her place at all and count the days until they are with me again. I don't know if I have a WAW or MLC crises wife. She has joined a band and spends all her time with the band. I too did all the wrong things and have since detached and am waiting to here from her. She does call but when she leaves a message it is vague and general so I have not been responding to them; I just have my kids call her back. This is so hard I have really bonded with my girls and they love me very much...which creates a little animosity from my W towards me...when they are with me they don't miss her that much but when they are away from me they call crying about how much they miss me; I can hear my W yelling at them in the background to clean up this or that...what do I do? I don't want to detach from my kids....
Thanks cadet..I have been detaching as much as possible but it is difficult as we have two kids to tend with. One is 6 and the other is 11...they miss me a lot and are always trying to get me over to her place...I don't want to punish them but I do want to take space from her. The other part is that there is this om and I don't know if he is really the om; I have asked her and she says he is just a friend. I told her she could tell me the truth and she still says he is just a friend. Do I push this issue more or does it look like I am controlling? I just want to know the truth...I have become a snoop detective spying on her and what not and I hate that...I know it is bad I just want to know the truth.
went over to w"s house because D<11> left science paper there and om truck was there. She says he is not staying the night but how do I know. She says he is interested in girl in the neighborhood...did not go in but left her a text to call me when he leaves. How do I handle this without looking controlling or pursuing? I believe I have a right to know if she is with someone. She says he is just a friend and he might be on her end but I am sure he is wanting more..hard to explain to my two D's. I don't know what to say to them about this...we had agreed to not see other people during our seperation...a promise made to both girls.
I really want to call my W but I am not going to. I asked her to call me after seeing the om @ her house but she has not called. I just want to know the truth.
My d forgot homework at w place..we were running late so sent her text that we would be over in 5 min..there was another car parked at her place. In the past when confronted with this she is adament that he is not staying there. She said he parks there to see someone else. I think she is not telling the truth. I sent her a text that said call me when he leaves; so far no response. We had an agreement with each other and the children not to see anyone else during this seperation.
You obviously have a WAW who has had several EA's, that you know about. Unless she gets professional therapy, she may continue to bounce from one man to the next. She's looking for somebody to make her feel good, and she gets it from new R's.
You may have to get a Judge to help you get your kids, but you to need physical custody, especially since there are men coming and going out of that house. Do you have a lawyer?
I know you must be in terrible pain over everything she's done. Your main priority is getting the children into a safe envirnoment. Do that first, then focus on getting your life straightened out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You obviously have a WAW who has had several EA's, that you know about. Unless she gets professional therapy, she may continue to bounce from one man to the next. She's looking for somebody to make her feel good, and she gets it from new R's.
You may have to get a Judge to help you get your kids, but you to need physical custody, especially since there are men coming and going out of that house. Do you have a lawyer?
I know you must be in terrible pain over everything she's done. Your main priority is getting the children into a safe envirnoment. Do that first, then focus on getting your life straightened out.
How do I handle this without looking controlling or pursuing? I believe I have a right to know if she is with someone.
You're in a tough sitch to be sure and I really feel for you, it sounds terribly frustrating. While DB'ing is all about giving the spouse space to sort through their thoughts, your children's safety trumps that. If you truly think the kids are in danger then you should contact a lawyer ASAP and determine a course of action. This will likely involve hiring a private investigator to determine what your W is really up to. I'll warn you that this course will likely destroy all chances of reconciliation and foster bad feelings between you and your W, so pursue it only if you think the kids are at risk.
If the kids aren't at risk and you're just uncomfortable with the sitch but you still want to save the M, then read DB and DR and detach (from W, not your kids). Determine what your 180's need to be and put them into practice. DO NOT ask your W any questions about R, and do not say anything about D. Give her time and space and remove all pressure from her. Engage in only light, fluffy, happy talk with her. Spend 10% of conversations talking and 90% intently listening. Try to become her best friend. Stick to your 180's. Show her a new, more confident, better looking, perfectly groomed you whenever you see her. Review the 34 DB 180 tips constantly and live them.
