DR Chapter #3

[Desperate man]

So began reading DR on Tuesday. Chapter 3 has raised a few questions when I made my list of changes.

1- To love each other again.
smiles,hugs,kisses
2- Communication
Talking, visiting
3- Spend time together
Go a walk, date, fun activites
4- To be connected
Emotionally and Physically

Is this to vague? What about the difference between "Wants and Missing" with my list. Are these too big for starters?

[Cadet]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...717#Post2275717

Here is your first thread
Please stick with one thread until you get to 100 posts.

Otherwise this gets very confusing.

Try to break your goals down to small obtainable goals that can be accomplished in a short time.

Like

I will exercise 3 times a week.

Not I will win the Boston Marathon.

[Cadet]

So the wife is WAW. She made the comment if you and the kids really love me you will still love me if I move out. How can you answer this? I do love her more than anything in the world but the pain of her moving out and seperating will change everything. How can I say that I will still love her the same? I am trying to detach the best I can but I feel like I am being fake when you love someone so much. I know the 180 plan is for me but it is so hard somedays. Any advise would be appreciated.

Brought over from the other thread.
That is why you must learn detachemnt.

Take your love and put it away in a box on the shelf.
You will take it out again in the future when the time is appropriate.
If you love some one unconditionally then you can let her go, if she comes back then she was your, if she doesnt then she was never yours to begin with.

Have you ever held a bar of wet soap.
If you squeeze it is it easier to hold?

Treat your wife like the soap.
Stop squeezing.

[ForeverYoung]

If you love some one unconditionally then you can let her go, if she comes back then she was your, if she doesnt then she was never yours to begin with.

Any partner can leave and not come back at anytime. So, according to the popular statement quoted here, that means your partner "was never yours to begin with” no matter how long you were both happily in love? Sorry but I just can’t buy that. If my wife leaves and never comes back, she was still ‘mine” for 33 years. Might just be a semantics game, but there you go.

[~ kd ~]

In all fairness FY, what you say is absolutely correct.

We forget that people aren't possessions...

They never WERE or ARE ours.

I see that phrase more as a suggestion that people choose who they want to be with and so by accepting that people aren't possessions and that they choose to be with us, then we are simply allowing that others have free will and if they come back, it means they are asserting their desire to be with us, by choice.

[Cadet]

If you love some one unconditionally then you can let her go, if she comes back then she was your, if she doesnt then she was never yours to begin with.

Any partner can leave and not come back at anytime. So, according to the popular statement quoted here, that means your partner "was never yours to begin with” no matter how long you were both happily in love? Sorry but I just can’t buy that. If my wife leaves and never comes back, she was still ‘mine” for 33 years. Might just be a semantics game, but there you go.

I think the main point here is to LET GO!
And not be afraid of that action.