Maybe You guys can help me..I have been seperated for about 2 weeks and I keep checking up on my w to see if she is seeing someone. I think she is but I don't know for sure and I would like to know so that I can prepare for the long haul or give up. She said initally that she wanted to date but after talking to our C she was convinced that might not be the best thing to do. There is a guy that hangs around a lot even when she has the kids. She says he just hangs out and does not talk much and there is nothing going on but I wonder...I have checked her texts...I know wrong thing to do and it seems like there is something going on but I don't know for sure...I just want to know...she has become more distant lately and it just seems so....I know i need to back off but I am having a hard time...I need to see what is in front of me...
You are separated, how? You moved out? She moved out? It's an In House separation?
How old are the two of you? Any kids? How long have you been married? Together?
Is an affair a deal breaker for you? Does it make a difference if it is emotional or physical? Many people think an A is a deal breaker and then find out that they are able to forgive an A.
I guess you consider it IS a deal breaker, as you are looking for proof. But... you can't find any... and it's driving you crazy...
How much time and effort do you want to put in to finding the "proof"? What if, after spending all that time snooping... weeks and weeks and weeks... or hiring a PI to get the proof... that there is none... what then?
You can assume there is and move forward accordingly...
or you can assume there is NOT... and move forward accordingly...
and in many cases... moving forward "accordingly" is the same thing.
Have you picked up and read Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner Davis? If not, please do so. Most of what we discuss and the work we refer to is based on the book. The book should be your FIRST reference and this board is a sounding board and support effort.
