The reason I named this thread "What Next" is because I seem to get knocked on my a$$ every time it seems like it's safe to stand.
So what will the next wave bring.
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
What will this week hold. I'm sure Friday will be hard. It will be our 16th wedding anniversary. We acknowledged last years but the plans made never came to fruition. This is the time when my H and the OW (my very good friend) were starting their A. The year before he was having surgery (not planned).
I have a card for him if he decides to acknowledge it. I hope he at least has enough respect and class to not see her if they are still involve.
I cried tears of joy the day we married. I look at those pictures and am amazed at how beautiful I look, I was radiating the pure happiness I felt. So much love, so much promise. H looked sooo good in his tux that day, just dashing. I still see the love in his eyes in those pictures. Will he ever feel that for me again? Will he ever be able to get past all the pain and anger? Will we ever be a family again? I don't want our son to learn it's ok to give up on a family.
I'm contemplating changing MCs. I like the guy we are seeing but we are not making any progress. I was disappointed when he seem ok with H moving out and seems to be working toward successful co-parenting. I'm not happy about that. I'm talking to my IC today about it. We'll see what she says and then what H says.
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
So, I'm pretty sure they are seeing each other. When asked if he would want to spend any time this holiday weekend with our son he avoided answering it directly. Very evasive.
I really hate this.
I met with my Psychiatrist for a med check. I am adding an additional AD med to reduce anxiety and obsessing. I hope this will help the anxiety that gets overwhelming and pull me further out of my depression. Maybe even stop obsessing about what H and OW may be doing. I also found a new MC, definitely pro-commitment/marriage. I've been emailing her and I'm hopeful. Just have to discuss with H and get it scheduled. The guy were are seeing now is talking and rehashing, not working toward solutions. It's keeping the tension.
Last thing I'm really sad about this Friday. 16 years ***SIGH***. Why don't we have do overs in real life. I would be on meds as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. Happy mommy and happy wife and happy me. Hindsight......
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
The new meds are definitely helping already, I would have been a hysterical mess otherwise. I'm still sad but able to deal much. I wish my H would try this stuff out, I think he would benefit from it. Maybe we would too. The nice thing about the meds is how I feel around my H. So much less stress and anxiety, I don't have that nervous heavy feeling in my chest chest anymore. I can be more upbeat and pleasant. I'm hoping for continued improvement.
He recently said that it has been nice to have a break from the rehashing of our life every week so I don't see us scheduling the new MC for a few more weeks. I really want our marriage to survive this. We haven't really fought or been openly angry at each other for a while but we did have a heated email exchange.
I hope someone is still out there, I'd like to hear some feedback.
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
hi lilly, sorry you've been alone a while. i think it's good you've found meds to help. that anxiety can be crippling. i had to get some, too. it really makes a difference and keeps me from feeling out of control.
i would wait on the new MC with H, also. that rehashing the past is not good at all. the problems need to be identified but the solutions are the goal. rehashing leads to blame and anger.
compromise is essential.
with your new peace of mind, it must be easier for you to GAL. what have you been doing?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Thank you for checking in SS and 007. I was feeling a bit lonely. I started the new meds a week ago today and my perspective has definitely changed. My anxiety level is a lot lower and I control over my emotions. Things are only suppose to get better over the next 3 to 4 weeks. I hope that is true.
We are holding off on the MC for now. I found a new MC that I hope to try soon though. I get the rehashing thing and that it's just keeping everything raw and at the surface so I plan to revisit MC in a month or so.
GALing, I'm back in painting classes and I don't bail on seeing friends. I am occasionally able to get H to join our S and me on a family day. H wants S to believe things are the same. S and I do a lot more together, picnics, the park, the beach, etc... but all that is after the responsible parent stuff that I shoulder the bulk of. I'm also going to start meeting a friend for lunch downtown a couple of time a month. That is all I have the time for right now and the new meds make me super tired, SE that should go away, if not I'll have to change the time of day I take it.
Mr. Bond Thanks, I know I'll make it through, logically there isn't any other option. But my heart keeps breaking and logic get lost for a while. Every day is a new day and every day I get closer to forgiveness. That is until I learn something new and I start all over. I'm choosing to look at myself as a mother fighting for the best situation for my son, a happy, loving, intact family. I reject viewing myself as a pathetic, desperate woman clinging to a man that isn't worth my love right now.
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
Lilly- I read your posts and I felt so much the same at the beginning of my sitch. I've been in this for about a year and it took me a very very long time to stabilize my emotions. Even now I don't think they are stable, but it's a whole lot better than before.
If I were talking to myself a year ago I would suggest working with an IC that focuses on cognitive behavioral management. Now I'm going to kick you in the bottom, cuz this is what I would have liked to hear.
RESEARCH THOUGHT STOPPING! There are some posts on here that focus on it. Some very good good ideas! Also, are you a good student? Because you have homework. Everyday you need to work on your homework. You know what your homework is... meditate pray automatic negative thoughts (research) journal have a daily meditation book get the self esteem workbook set goals that only YOU can control! (ex. today I will smile, I will do a kind act without getting noticed, I will do something just for me, I will pamper myself, I will hug my family and friends, etc)
My H continues seeing OW and it kills me, BUT** I'm not dead! I'm so much stronger now. Your H is in lala land. See this as you taking a vacation from your H and your sitch.
I'll be praying for you lilly.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
lilly, you sound so much better. it also looks like you have a plan for GAL and that helps so much. doing more with other people is key to not focusing on your H or your sitch so much.
i can tell you that it gets better. others told me that and i had a hard time believing it but it's so true. the wouunds gradually heal, little by little, until one day, we don't feel pain when we touch them. it's a little shocking when that day comes because we think it never will.
keep on!
((())))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
