jks, I've gone through something similar with my MIL, SILs and we have been family for over 30 years. I was angry and hurt and fell into victim mode. But wise people advised me that I could make a choice here. The choice I made was to not mindread their motives. This is an awkward, painful situation for everyone. If I wanted to reach out to them, I could.
I call or see my MIL occasionally.
I wrote my SILs a note, saying something like "I know this is difficult for all of us. This is between H and me and I have no ill feelings toward you and hope we can remain friends." One SIL wrote back, the other didn't and neither has reached out to me since. I haven't reached out to them either.
I choose not to be affected by this. I like to think that if I were in their shoes, I would respond differently but I don't know that. It's really not worth wasting time on. Their response or non-response doesn't change who I am.
I agree with Vero, when people want to tell you that stuff, politely (or not) remind then that you won't talk about your inlaws with them.
You'll get there jks, it's just not easy.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Update: Still married but H has now retained a L. He sent me a long email stating all of the things he wants to do in this D. It hurt when I first read it but nothing was a surprise. Just another stepping stone that I have to get passed. I saw him yesterday and he looked amazing. I had kind of a rough day once again trying to forget how much I love him. For the most part, though, I have been EXTREMELY busy. Work is killer. So much to do.
I met a guy from online for dinner last Saturday night. Had a girlfriend with me so it was super casual. He told me he was impressed with me. He was attractive but not my type. He still wanted to get together again and I had to tell him no. I've been going out and doing things and finding that people do actually like hanging out with me... weird? My self esteem has been shot so hearing these things from my friends is the greatest thing for me right now.
I've been seeing a T weekly and she has helped me a ton in realizing my potential and looking at things differently. I've learned that I have a very distorted way of thinking. It's a work in progress to change my natural tendencies.
Ski season starts tomorrow and my goal this winter is to go once a week. I told my neighbors about getting a season pass and they are totally up for it. So I have friends to join me which is exciting. So excited to get up there and enjoy the mountains. I'm working on an amazing playlist so I can just get up there and blast my music while I ski. It's going to be EPIC!! LOL!
I'm generally in good spirits these days... with some bad days in between but I'm noticing that the feelings of despair or sadness do not stay long at all. I feel very blessed in so many other things and that's where I choose to put my focus. I know going through this D is going to be rough and it will probably hit me hard. But for now I'm trying to look at what I do have and to keep the faith that God knows what is best for me.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Ski season starts tomorrow and my goal this winter is to go once a week. I told my neighbors about getting a season pass and they are totally up for it. So I have friends to join me which is exciting. So excited to get up there and enjoy the mountains. I'm working on an amazing playlist so I can just get up there and blast my music while I ski. It's going to be EPIC!! LOL!
jks, I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I am so happy to read your update :-)
Good for you. I am really very proud for your continued effort to grow and find your internal happiness.
I agree, its almost 'weird' when we realize people DO like to hang out with us! lol
I love skiing! Enjoy!
I hope your little ones are doing well :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
