MKB23 That is some good advice. I was just on the fence about even justifying my mood. I want him to not assume things and I am doing the same thing.....sometime it is just so frustrating.
So I ended up writing my H a letter. Now this is something I rarely do. My Reason behind this was I was not going to see him at all that night. With my H timing is everything. So the next time I would see him would be on his way to work in the AM and from my experience this is not the time to really talk about anything. The second reason was I had a session to go to with my theropist that night and if I addressed it with him when I got home he would just assume it was the "Therapy" Talking and not the honest truth.
Basically the letter just said I thought he felt my frustration was directed at him when in reality it had to do with my work situation and hectic schedule. And I did not want him to assume I was mad or frustrated with him. I went on to say why I had been spending time in the office was because I was updating my resume and applying for jobs.
I wrote the letter and put it where he keeps his keys so he would see it when he got home. By the time I got home everyone was in bed. The letter was still there but his wallet and keys were on it. So I know he saw it but not sure if he read it. The next morning he just got up and left did not say good bye. Our S said that he did not say good bye to him either. I just thought he was late and was only thinking about not being late to work. But he did take the letter with him.
So I got home at 7 and started dinner. He was present but did not say anything to me. So I just stayed myself and asked my S how his day was at school and how his test went as I was getting dinner ready. Then my H started cleaning out the dishwasher, then put the dirty dishes away, and then he set the table. He ended up cleaning up after dinner and then later that night he was cleaning the railing going up stairs. Now the dish washer is something he would normally do but only after dinner. Setting the table and cleaning the hand rail is different. I was not sure if he was just doing it to be busy or what.
Then I got our S to bed he came in kissed him good night and off to the bonus room he went and he stayed the night there.
So I am not sure if the letter was a good move or not. Things did seem less tense and we were working as a team to get dinner ready which was a change. Even though we did not say anything to each other.....
Hello all. I am feeling a bit defeated today. Maybe it is just my own paranoia? But I feel like I am on the right track. However my H just seems to repeating negative behavior over and over and over. And it is getting to me a bit.
1. The last few times he has used the PC he has deleted all of this internet history form the PC. The first time I noticed this I really tried to ignore it now it has gone one for the last 3-4 times he has used the computer. I am debating on installing a keylogger. I am conflicted here as I do not want to "Spy" but his lack of communication is having its toll.
2. He called me at work asking what his Bank password was. I called him back and tried to understand if he was asking what his card pin is or access to the website. We have joint accounts and he could not get his account to work. I said it has been so long I could not remember what his PW was so I said just use mine. He said ok. Then a few minutes latter he called back asking what my security question answers were so I gave him those. When I got home I asked him what was so urgent that he need the login info right then and it could not wait until I got home. He said nothing. I just wanted to look loan rates up. Now you do not need login info to look up the rates. I just left it alone. I did not want to get into an argument.
3. He then went to he PC after dinner and used the PC I did walk by the office to let the dogs out and I saw he has the bank website up. Then later he had a car website up. So then why delete the history. This is just so frustrating.
I know DB says not to "Snoop" I have been doing a good job at this until recently. But now I just do not know what to do? Should I ask him about deleting the history? I work on PC's for my job so he knows I would notice that. Maybe he wants me to ask about it? I really feel like he is doing everything in his power to irritate me so much that I make the choice to leave so he does not have to. I just do not know what to do? Ignore if for now? The old me would come right out and say 'WTF"!!!
I know DB says not to "Snoop" I have been doing a good job at this until recently. But now I just do not know what to do? Should I ask him about deleting the history? I work on PC's for my job so he knows I would notice that. Maybe he wants me to ask about it? I really feel like he is doing everything in his power to irritate me so much that I make the choice to leave so he does not have to. I just do not know what to do? Ignore if for now? The old me would come right out and say 'WTF"!!!
I know the urge to snoop is HUGE. I was there in an earlier version of my situation a couple years ago. I found that I can't do it anymore. The snooping, and the information that is found, becomes a giant beast that can't be destroyed. I became obsessed with finding more information and constantly dwelled on the info that was found.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Yes I know Snooping is huge and I also know where my mind takes me as well. Like I said I have been very good I have not looked at anyting in the last month or so. But this strange behavior just has me guessing what is going on.
He is not really talking to me and when I notice the history is gone it makes me wonder what is really going on. Maybe nothing maybe it is something???
I think I may just go into a "wait and see" pattern. I did notice he change his verizon password. He may have done that a few moths back not sure. We will have to see how this goes because I would log on to his account to pay his bill, and now I cannot. Mayby his bill just will not get paid this month......hum....
1. The last few times he has used the PC he has deleted all of this internet history form the PC. The first time I noticed this I really tried to ignore it now it has gone one for the last 3-4 times he has used the computer. I am debating on installing a keylogger. I am conflicted here as I do not want to "Spy" but his lack of communication is having its toll.
Your H says he's done and wants to separate, right? I guess my question would be what you hope to gain or learn through spying. How does it help your sitch?
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3. He then went to he PC after dinner and used the PC I did walk by the office to let the dogs out and I saw he has the bank website up. Then later he had a car website up. So then why delete the history. This is just so frustrating.
Why in the heck is he looking at cars if he's on the verge of leaving? This and some of the other stuff you've posted makes me wonder if he's in MLC. If you suspect he is, then protect yourself financially because many MLCers totally lose regard for money issues and will drain accounts and run up CCs on frivolous things. A prudent person would start saving money if they're planning on leaving. Someone looking at cars in this sitch doesn't come off to me as prudent.
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I really feel like he is doing everything in his power to irritate me so much that I make the choice to leave so he does not have to.
You certainly could be right. If so then you're playing right into it.
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I just do not know what to do?
DB. Detach. GAL. Don't worry about what he's doing, who he's talking to, what he's sneaking around about. You really need to act "as if" everything is just fine with you the way things are. No snooping, no looking over his shoulder, no key loggers. Find contentment in yourself. Do what you need to do to get there. Show him someone content, happy and positive. Don't let him send you down the roller coaster.
DB. Detach. GAL. Don't worry about what he's doing, who he's talking to, what he's sneaking around about. You really need to act "as if" everything is just fine with you the way things are. No snooping, no looking over his shoulder, no key loggers. Find contentment in yourself. Do what you need to do to get there. Show him someone content, happy and positive. Don't let him send you down the roller coaster.
I was doing so well at this. And then I started to "Notice" things and there went my mind. I am going to have to say something about the Verizon account. Or I will not be able to pay the bill. But I'll wait until I am closer to the due date for that.
The whole car thing is very strange to me. My H has never liked cars he has always owned a Truck. We leased a car about 3 years ago and the lease is almost up. He got his truck fixed and I asked him if he was excited to have the lease end. He said to me "Yes because I hate driving cars" Plus if he was got get a car he would get a GTO. That is something he had always mentioned so this whole 2001 BMW thing is really weird. Like I said it may be nothing...... His behavior is just so strange to me. After we had our last "Deep Conversation" he has not taken any steps to move out.
As far as the $$ goes he has never just spent $$ before. As it is there is not a lot left after each paycheck. I really do not think he would just go spend a large amout of $$. We even talked about how much it would be to get his truck fixed. But then again stranger things have happened here!
I am planning on going home tonight and making Dinner, helping our S with his homework and job search.
