my name is Amelie, I've been with my husband for 11 years and next month we were supposed to celebrate our 9th year wedding anniversary. We have a 14 months old baby and a month ago I found out he was having an emotional affair with a married woman he met at work. When I found out, I felt betrayed, angry and so upset I broke his blackberry (that's how I found out all those txt messages). I kicked him out of the house and I took him back because he told me he wanted to work things out, it didnt last long until 2 days later I found emails saying they missed each other. I was so angry< I was shaking, I texted her telling her awful things< called her to stay away from my husband and I even called her husband to let him know what was going on! I was so furious I told him to grab all his stuff and leave! He left and I proceeded to change the locks of my house. 2 weeks passed, we tried to talk and go to a marriage counselor but things turned for the worse on Sunday when I asked him to come back home, he said he wasn't sure what he wants in life. I was so upset I told him I wanted a divorce, he said "OK". The next day I called him because I wanted to apologize and he said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that he's moving on with his life and that he messed up our marriage. I feel so sad ever since and I know in my heart he still loves me but he's too angry. We both hurt one another, I want to save our marriage, because I know we can work things out. I love him with all my heart. I wish I've read "Divorce Busting" earlier< Ive done all the wrong things frown...need some advice.
Also he changed his status on facebook to "Separated" I asked him very calmly over the phone to make it "private" because it was none of our friends business to know what is going on. He yelled at me telling me it is his facebook account and he can do what pleases him with it and told me to go to hell and hung up. I was shocked because he never yelled at me like that.
The best thing to do right now is back off and give your H space. If you haven't read MWD's 'Divorce Remedy' I suggest you pick that up and read it ASAP. In it it will suggest things that are counter intuitive to what you think you should do concerning your H. Following it will give you the best chance at reconciling your M.
STAY away from your H's FB page. It will only hurt you at this point. If your friends should ask you what's going on just say that your H and you have separated to have time to sort things out and change the subject.
Only confide in one or two close friends who will not judge your H or you and run around gossiping about your sitch. You need people who support you. Make sure you can trust them. Come here to vent so you don't do it to your H.
Be careful about confiding in family as they will just want you to stop being in pain and may give you advice to do things you're not ready to do.
Thank you so much "seeking answers" I really appreciate your advice. I will pick up DR tomorrow. I'm not angry @ him for his actions just disappointed @ his behavior. I still have hope he will come around and talk to me but until then I'm not gonna call him or txt him even check his fb account.
Hope everything works out Amelie7. I know how painful your situation is. I know you will get good advice here and in DR and DB so you are on the right path.
The hurt you are feeling is so very real and so very powerful. We can't change the past, so look to what's ahead. If you haven't finished reading the DB/DR books, do that and give yourself some breathing room to process.
New posters tend to have their posts show up slowly so keep posting and they will get on the boards sooner after a few days. This is a tough place to be at in life but this board will give you support and help you see strength in yourself that you need to move through this.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Day 2- Today I called home and my mother told me H called and asked where I was, she told him I was on a business trip. Then today he came over to see our son and my mom fixed him some lunch and he asked her again about my whereabouts and at what time I was gonna be back home. You see in 3 days we were supposed to celebrate our wedding anniversary and I think he probably remembered it.
he asked her again about my whereabouts and at what time I was gonna be back home. You see in 3 days we were supposed to celebrate our wedding anniversary and I think he probably remembered it.
There, I stroked out your mind reading about what he might be thinking about.
We talk often about not mind reading our spouses. We may or may not be right. The point is, what ever they might be doing away from us or thinking has no bearing on our DB efforts.
All you know is your H is asking about you. That is all. Just note that he could be thinking BAD things, just as easily.
SA gave you sage advice above and also, you indicated you would pick up DR and read it. Please do and also consider what you can do as 180s (changing negative behaviours in yourself to positive ones) as well as GAL (getting a life: meaning doing things that helps take your mind of the sitch).
