Yesterday had a minor setback with STBX, as he came to the house to help S15 with his car and wanted to discuss some financials with me, specifically college tuition for S18. The conversation went well but after he left he texted me a few additional things re: the settlement, court and financials. He was getting a bit too friendly and crossed some of my personal boundaries. I was hesitant to draw that line again as I didn't have the energy for the fight post vacation.
But after a few more inappropriate comments, I will be setting that hard line again and expecting him to respect it. No contact means no contact. I need it that way, and if he needs to talk with someone he needs to find another person to talk to.
It's the old "give an inch take a yard". I am proud that it took me very little time to see it for what it was and draw that line again. That is progress.
I agree! And I wouldn't call it a "setback" at all.
YOU chose the if/when you decided to enforce your boundaries. Based on YOUR emotional needs at that moment, you were drained and made the conscious decision of "Ehhh... screw it. I'll draw the line the next time, and I'm sure there'll be a 'next time'."
Good way to look at it Starsky! I appreciate that!
It was a relief that he accepted the boundary when I restated it today and said that he was drinking when he sent many of the messages, although he meant them all.
I explained that the boundaries were not just for me but for all involved, to avoid confusion. He said he agrees, as he is feeling confused today and having many regrets. I replied "I sincerely hope your IC can help with that for you" and stopped replying.
Thanks mindfull, day by day and it really does come much easier these days thankfully.
Tomorrow the boys go on their vacation with STBX. I don't know who is more excited, them or me. I realized that not only has he not had them overnight since March, but he is really only seeing them 3 hours per week. Yes you read that correctly, per week.
I attribute some of it to their ages and work schedules but I also feel like he could try a bit harder. I feel so bad for them, and they need their dad.
I think once they get back from their trip I will bring this up to him. I don't want to risk rocking the boat before they go, and the reality is that they will have 4 good days together which is fantastic.
I am planning to get some things done around here, organizing, etc. I made some plans to get out for a bit and on Friday I will be going to the AC air show with my family (my parents live near there so we are all going). Really looking forward to my mini break
It's been a while since I have been here and I plan to get caught up on some reading and situations in the next day or two. It's just been super busy between end of summer, getting S18 settled into college and getting S15 ready for school to start.
We had our settlement hearing yesterday at my lawyers office, it was the 4 of us and half a day but its done. My divorce will be final in just 2 to 3 weeks.
The financial settlement is fair (equitable distribution) but due to a change in laws that I wasn't aware of, I am trying to figure things out a bit. It used to be that as long as a child is a full time college student, child support continued. That is no longer. At 18 he is emancipated.
So my XH is only paying child support for 1 yet both are living with me. I am still responsible for feeding, clothing, haircuts, etc. and he doesn't have to pay a dime. He did say that he will be keeping him on his insurance until he is 23. I guess I am a bit shocked but I will figure it out.
Other than that, things are good. The boys are adjusting well and getting back to routine will be good for all of us. Fall is my favorite time of year. I can't wait to get out for some trail walks and bring my camera. Looking forward to it!!
