Success stories post divorce?????

[AprilT]

Just rambling....
Weekends are the worst for me....feels like the clock just ticks along slowly. The thoughts on my mind today are how sad all this is for all of us. I read so many stories on here about affairs, WAS, MLC, etc. When will people realize how precious life is, and how marriage should be respected? I am in awe for many of you and how strong you are in the face of such tradedy. How do you do it? How do you stay so focused?

With all the loss of life this past week, it makes me pause and realize how precious life is. I wish I had fought harder in my marriage and worked daily to be the kind of wife I needed to be. I wish I had not waited until we were on life support to try DB. It's too late for me now, and I will live with that regret. I wish none of us had to be here. I'm not saying my ex was a saint, because he was not, but there are things I wish I could have done differently.

I am not at a place where I have peace with any of this. There is not a day that I do not cry and scream out with pain. I love my ex, and know in my heart that will not change....no matter the circumstances. A final D decree with not change what the heart feels. None of us are children anymore...and I am finally realizing what real, unconditional love looks and feels like towards a spouse.

I am stuck...unable to go back, and unable to go forward. I know this must change, but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back, knowing what I know now and do things right this time. I just wish for a chance to get it right.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

[reachingHigher]

AprilT, I think of wanting to change the past every day! There's a particular decision my H and I went different ways on a couple of years ago, that I know if I had done it differently -- well.....I didn't though. I can't beat myself up about it. I did the best I could at the time.

So.....let's do the best we can do at this time.

Weekends are excruciating for me too. So try to plan some things. It really does help.

[2chiquitos]

With all the loss of life this past week, it makes me pause and realize how precious life is. I wish I had fought harder in my marriage and worked daily to be the kind of wife I needed to be. I wish I had not waited until we were on life support to try DB. It's too late for me now, and I will live with that regret.

Hi April,
Back on Oct, an acquaintance committed suicide. Then in Dec, H's cousin's H died suddenly. This was such a realization for me. I wrote a letter to H titled, what if you had died. On it I wrote what if he had died instead of had an affair. This helped me to appreciate him now. I practiced the LLs on him from then on. First with the intent of getting him back then it just stuck to me and I continued. Now it just comes natural. I think, well if it doesn't bring him back, it's good practice for me for the next relationship I'm in.

Also, the weekends used to be really rough for me as well. Especially when H takes the kids but I have found things to do by myself. I read a lot on Al Anon literature. I pray, read the bible, meditate, journal. I relish this time because I don't get much time for myself with 2 little ones.

After reading so much on affairs and MLCs and getting him back, I am finally reading on how I can recover from all of this. I wish you all the best on your journey. I am finally at a part of the journey where I can see the light. The light to me is serenity. If H n I reconcile, that's a bonus but it's no longer my goal.

[AprilT]

So I have laid low for a while just trying to absord some things and gain some clarity. A few new things news to report, and new some baby steps on how to proceed.

First of all the D is still pending. I look at that as time. Second the H and I have been talking for a little bit each day since Wed. Simple things like how his motorcycle rides have been going. He mentioned seeing some really cool things and said he was sorry I was not there to see it. I just replied it wasn't meant to be, and he said I guess not. Tried not to read too much into that. We talked a bit more and I said that these items sounded like Bucket List items and he said maybe one day I will take you with me....again, trying not to mind read.

The convos have been light and upbeat, if he starts to get ticky, I do not allow it to effect my mood. Big change for me. It's scary to me how much just getting a simple text brightens my day.

So here is my question. How do I proceed? I don't want to spook him and send him running again, but I want this to continue and hopefully develop into more. This is the most thawed I have seen him in months. I know....this is off DB script, but I really do hope to begin fresh. I know I still have a lot of work to do, and I am committed to doing that. I got new meds today, and hopefully that will help stabalize my mood swings.

So...where to go from here? Slow and easy--someone please walk me through that as that is not my forte.

[2chiquitos]

Your lucky you can take meds. Just be sure you don't rely on them. Being on this journey without meds is a true rollercoaster!

Continue acting as if. The convos are opportunities for him to see your 180s so show him the new improved you. Be positive when you answer his call. I used to have a funny pix of the kids on his profile so when he'd call I sounded like I was laughing at something hilarious. Now I have a funny ring. Puts me in a good mood. DON'T bring up old dirty stuff (i.e. resentment). Keep it for another day when you can productively talk about it. Wait for him to call you. In my case, H liked it that I would give him 2/3 calls a day to update him on what the kids n I were doing. He wanted to feel like he was here with us. So if your H is more of a caretaker, then do that. TAP into his LLs! This is the key that will unlock that cold stone heart! BE PATIENT!!! Compare this month with 6 mos ago! That always let's me know I'm on the right track