Yes, I realize considering divorce is not something that is normally posted on a site that is intended to getting marriages back on track.
My W & I have been married 14 years. We are now in our 7th month of separation. We are in our 3rd month of counseling. Other than the counseling session, we do spend time together -usually Sunday afternoons... kind of like a date. We are able to have light-hearted conversation & share laughter. We have always been unsuccessful with deep meaningful communication on any topic which might cause tension. While we connect well with our counselor, it doesn't seem we're making any progress toward a healthy marriage, but rather maintaining a friendly relationship.
Over a year ago, my W gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. Shortly thereafter, I discovered she had OM. We separated 01/01/12, and she continued the confirmed EA (though I strongly suspect it was also a PA). Upon our entering couples counseling, I thought things were looking brighter. It wasn't until recently, I learned she is still sneaking around with the same OM.
In terms of trust, I'm getting to the end of my rope. I never, ever, thought I'd say this... perhaps it is time to acknowledge it's time to move on. As I love her, maybe I should respect (and honor) that her feelings may no longer be mutual.
Just wanted to offer some words of support man. I've browsed through your sitch and there are significant similarities with mine. I caught my W red handed in October of last year. She had started R with OM in August while subsequently coercing me out of the home I built for us and my 3 Stepchildren under the guise of some time to "work things out". I have did 180's and the whole shabang although I have certainly flailed at the LRT over the span of this whole ordeal. Come to find out today after doing everthing in my power to show unconditional love to my W and stepkids, 10 months after the fact she is still seeing this OM.
This being said, I understand where you are and what you are feeling. You are the only person who knows when you have had enough. I want to share with you the most helpful thing I have ever read on this board (from Vorlon)...
Originally Posted By: Vorlon
1. You are the prize 2. You are a good man that any good woman would want 3. You can't change the past 4. If your W is unhappy that is her problem to deal with 5. If you have issues, fix them but not for her 6. There is always someone else who will apprcieate you 7. There is always someone else in worse shape than you 8. If you want to be happy fix YOU first. You can't fix her. 9. Decide if you want to be married to the alien that has become your wife..If so, why in the world would you want that??? 10. The sooner you get your head on straight and realize you can handle life without your current wife. The sooner you will get the wife you want and deserve. That may or may not be your current wife. 11. The pain will not go away or lessen until you face these things and take action. 12. It is all up to you. You decide how long you suffer. This is not negotiable.
Everyone's goal coming here is to save their Marriage. If that is your goal then I would suggest the LRT. I flailed at this and perhaps due to my execution or otherwise it hasn't worked for me. I personally have drawn the conclusion that my W used me for what she could up to the point she was able to find a more profitable host.
Vorlon's post really rang true with me. I am not going to offer any advice because I have not been successful in R my M based on my attempts at DB.
What I wanted to say to you (minus sharing Vorlon's post), is that you are not alone. I feel your pain an hope your sitch works out in the way that is best for you. They key is that whether you R or not, you will be happy and thrive!
Only you know when you have had enough. If you are into high drama take a look at my sitch, it's a hoot. 10 months after finding out my W is still with her affair partner, I will say that personally I have had enough. I wish her the best of luck and happiness in life, but she no longer deserves a man like me.
Keep your chin up!!! "It is all up to you. You decide how long you suffer. This is not negotiable."
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
