I would check out The Five Love Languages. I think if I'd read that before we were as far down the line as we were, it might have pulled us back together. Communication seems like the biggest issue you're having, so I also would recommend retrovaille if there's one near you, as it's been a big help in opening up to each other (even when it's not all positive).
In my work I manage employees and he has told me several times that I treat him like an employee. I guess I don't see that, maybe I would have fired him by now, LOL.
I did this with my H, also. You laugh it off but really look at this, he's giving you valuable information. How can you change that?
You can't change him, you can only change you and to do that you have to be willing to dig way deep and look at parts of self that we usually like to keep hidden.
It's not easy.
Quote:
I think the communication is lacking in our M because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with what I say because I might just say it wrong. I know what I say isn't the issue because I am not nasty about anything.
The best book I've read on this topic is How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Labug.. I am willing to do the work if I know what the heck to do or where to start. I know I can't change him, because in his eyes he is perfect, and I hope that by changing me it will change him. Which is the main reason I am here is how I can change me to make our marriage better.
Breakdown.. there isn't one of those seminars in my state (Iowas) but we have had similar ones come but I know H wouldn't go and would feel odd going myself.
it's funny that you say he thinks he's perfect. this is where they get the idea that you're the one with the problem, not them. Once you start soul searching and are able to communicate better, you will be able to tell him what your love languages are and he will see he's not that perfect.
don't tell him the problems you have with him, though. it will backfire!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Vero--- yeah I have already been down that path in the past.. I know it's not all me but I also know that what I am doing is not working and needs changed.
I am looking into some therapy places even if I can go once a month for ME that might help. Although you guys seem to be pretty good therapy from what I have been reading.
Well howdy again! Once month later and I am still in the same boat as I was in. Communication [censored], still separate rooms, oh and he thinks I am a lazy ass. Made the comment yesterday when I told him I wasn't feeling well "Your never feeling well when there are things to do" I had to shut my mouth quick because my blood was boiling so bad. I didn't even sit down with H and DS to eat dinner I was so mad. I am to the point I don't even want to go home anymore because God for bid I tell him I hurt, or don't feel well or let along talk and say the wrong thing. I am still mad over it and haven't said a word since. And of course he is probably clueless as to why I am mad.
Right now all I want to do is curl up and sleep. I feel like I am just emotionally beat.
Well I am not even sure he is mad technically. I don't know what he is. Right now I am mad for sure. Our main problem is communication because there is none. When I talk or say something he usually takes it wrong. He says it's the way I say things but I don't think I say it wrong but then maybe I do. Other than that I am really not sure what our problem is because it's been so long like this. He sleeps in another room still because he says I keep him awake, there are no I love you's, good-byes, kisses, or even goodnights anymore. We are like 2 people sharing a house. I have tried the "act as if" thing and he is okay with me acting like so I might as well do that forever in his eyes. Ugh
