Hi everyone. First of all, thanks to all of you for being there over the last few years. I’m new at this forum but I have been reading you on and off for two years since I found out about my wife’s EA and probable MLC. Since then, we’ve been through lots but to make a long story short, I managed to keep our family together for all that time and even, up to 2 months ago, I thought we were through the worst as we had started making plans for the future. We were happy and the future was bright. Then, I left the country with my D8 to visit my family for the first time since the birth. My W unfortunately had to stay behind for financial reasons. We parted a lovers departure at the airport, with love in our eyes. She’d even told me a few times in the last few months that she was glad I had stuck with her. Two weeks into my 2-month holiday with my family, I got an email telling me that she had thought a lot and realized she didn’t want to be with me anymore. Of course at first I freaked but having read about this for the last few years, I was able to avoid getting too deep into all the no-nos. I didn’t beg or swear to change, but I did aks a lot of questions and perhaps tried to convince her a bit much as well. As it turns out, she says she can’t be with any other man and that she doesn’t want a divorce (but that she will give it to me if I want it). She says she had to leave me online because she just couldn’t do it in person. She also said that she’d always felt afraid to let me down and that now, she just had to do it and this is the only way she could go through with it. Now, as I’ve said, I’ve been reading up on all of this and I know what I have to do. I have to be kind, to her and to myself. I’ve been taking very good care of myself physically and although I have no appetite, I make sure I eat 3 meals a day. I also started meditating and exercising (at times to excess because it keeps my mind off things) and I lost over 10 lbs, bringing me at the ideal weight for my height. I do have a hard time sleeping at night but so far, I don’t think it’s been a problem. I try to meet friends while in my home country and keep busy with fun things to do. I have to be patient. I make sure I give her time and don’t push anything on her anymore (I did a bit at the beginning) and I also don’t expect this to be sorted next week. I have to detach myself. I don’t take anything personally or at least I try and if I do, I give myself huge pep talks about how it’s not the woman I love but the MLC monster inside of her. I’m also working on the release part. It’s very difficult but I keep telling myself that the worst thing that could happen has already happened. She’s left me. Now anything else (her seeing another man, her asking for a divorce, etc…) ,would only be a symptom of that so it can only get better. I’ve also minimized the contact as much as I could but still need to talk to set up the chats with our D8. I’ve told her that once we get back, me and our D8 will live in our house and I suggested she got a room nearby to be able to have meals with D8 and even come over to tell her stories before bedtime. All of this, in order to keep as normal a family life as possible for the girl. She gladly agreed to this. I have to say that we always were a great family and always did lots of stuff together and both my W and I agreed on everything when it comes to raising our D8. Now, here is the problem. All of this happened 5 weeks ago and now, I’m getting ready to return to the country where we live, where my W is. She said she would travel to the city where our plane lands, which is where we left from and where my in-laws live (1000 km from the city where we live) in order to pick us up. We are to spend a night at her mom’s before heading by train to the city where we live. My wife and I have always had a very active, passionate sex life (even through our ordeal over the last 2 years) and now, I’m wondering what to do if she puts the moves on me. Let’s face it, neither of us has had sex in the last 2 months (at least I hope so) and we might be sleeping in the same room at her mom’s. I also wonder how to respond to her moves when I get there. Will she hug me at the airport? Will she kiss me? Shake my hand? I have a good idea of what I think I should do but would like to hear from you all on this. I would also like the perspective of a recovered female midlifer in any are about.
Thanks a lot for your help.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Ok. I know it took some time but I'm just cleaning up my act. When i started posting, I got frustrated because I wasn't getting much response and started other threads.
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
