Thx KML: it's 1/2 my net takehome from my part time job. My L warned me not to expect much if anything from alimony. This stuff is confusing.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Really? Married 18 years, two teens at home and you only work part-time and the lawyer doesn't think you'll get much alimony?
Every state is different - but in my state, that's a long-term marriage and you'd likely be entitled to 9 years of alimony unless your earning potential is equal to or better than his.
You may find, however, that you have to go to work full-time to make ends meet. Is that possible with your job? Does your job offer health benefits or retirement? If not, you may have to start thinking seriously about careers.
If you stay in the house and H pays half the mortgage and upkeep until the kids are 18 - what happens if you get into a new relationship?
My divorce decree has the (very common in my state) stipulation that if I cohabit with a man, I can lose my alimony. I didn't think it was a big deal since I wasn't really looking to get married again. However, there have already been situations where I would like to help a male friend out by offering them a place to stay at my house, but don't dare because I know my ex would try to make a case that we had something going on.
So you might need some kind of stipulation that you can buy your ex out at any time before the kids turn 18, or that you're not restricted in who can live there, or - I don't know how best to put it, just wouldn't want you to find yourself in a pickle a few years from now if you are in a new relationship. Something to discuss with the attorney.
Also - a caution about counting child support into your financial plans:
I see that you have boys 12 and 14. Even if you initially have custody of them and H pays child support, they are (or will be soon) old enough that if they wanted to go live with their dad instead, the courts would let them. And really, it's often the case that teen boys feel the need to go live with the same sex parent at some point.
So I would be cautious about including child support in your long-term financial plans - i.e., assuming a mortgage based on having the child support, then suddenly losing it, might throw you into foreclosure. Better to make your plans based on your income and whatever alimony you get, and let the child support be extra that you don't HAVE to have to get by.
Does your ex make significantly more income than you do?
I work during the school hours so I can be home when they're home from school. I purchased the consulting firm I work for. We've had only one client since I went part time 13 years ago. I planned to expand when they go to college. I make significantly less hourly than my husband. My company has no health benefits, and I've thought about starting a retirement savings plan but haven't had one up to now (we just contribute double to H's).
I've thought about the issues of starting a new relationship in a home that H half-owns and agree that could make things complicated unless the details are spelled out very clearly at the outset.
I've heard that it can be better if possible to take a lump sum instead of alimony to avoid the issues of incentive to not work or incentive to hide relationships. I plan to meet with a financial planner who specializes in divorce.
I would rather the kids live with their dad sometimes rather than getting more money for child support, which is why I'm hoping that he's taking into account having them sometimes when he makes his decisions about where he'll live.
I plan to rent out the extra bedroom in hopes of having savings to put toward retirement, and I would not like that to become an issue of cohabiting or whatever.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
A lump sum would be nice - in my case, the amount of a lump sum to cover the ten years of alimony would have been so large that my ex could not have come up with the money (well, unless he'd given me all the house equity and all the 401k practically - would have left him without the means to buy a new place).
Still, I do wish a lump sum had been possible - it would have saved me the hassle of the cohabitation issues, plus I know it pisses ex off to write me a check every month - would probably be nice not to be dealing with that.
Make sure you consider the tax consequences of any settlement too. And don't be so quick to write off child support. Odds are good you'll be providing the bulk of their care so might as well get paid for the cost of maintaining a primary home for them.
For instance - if you get a lump sum in the form of his half of the 401k - you will still have to pay taxes on that when you withdraw it, and perhaps a penalty if you need it now. Calculate that into the bargain (of course, you pay taxes on alimony money too).
One thing I found helpful at this stage, was to pencil out various economic scenarios and see how they compared. For instance:
H pays half the house payments and splits the equity when kids turn 18. You get half the retirement plans and half the debts.
You "buy" H out of the house by giving him back an equivalent share of the 401k. This gives you a better chance for increased equity in the home and more freedom as to who lives there, but also ties up all your money in the house - more risky.
You sell the house now and buy a smaller, more affordable place. This will depend on what you can qualify for. More disruptive to the kids but may be the best financial move for you.
Try to price your alternatives out several years, to see what the bottom line looks like. Enlist a friend who is good with numbers if this isn't your thing. Identify your goals and see what gets you closest to them. (Mine were a house I could pay off entirely before 65, a house big enough for my mother to live with me, a cash cushion in case I have a major health issue and can't work, extra cash to help pay my share of kids' college expenses). My share of my ex's pension should be enough for me in retirement IF I get my house paid off, so my current budget includes large extra payments on my mortgage. To tell the truth, if I weren't responsible for my mother, I wish I could have bought a smaller place and had it paid off by now.
Try to imagine ALL your options - however improbable - and pencil them out. You will be able to COBRA your health insurance for 36 months after the divorce - don't forget to calculate the cost of insurance into your budget (mine is $570 a month). You may be able to find cheaper coverage with a new policy, depending on your health and other factors.
Hi ad, sorry to find you here. one thing, in my state, wa, they call it spousal support, not alimony. It is arbitrary, no formula, longer m. you can maybe expect half the years you are m. but, this is a big one, if h. dies, its gone, if you remarry its gone. my lawyer made a suggestion to me that that amount of money be part of property settlement. in order to quickly settle, my x agreed to it and took out a loan so i would get that money up front. just an idea. i know this part totally [censored]. it got to the point with us that agree on stuff or you go to another horrible level of really paying the lawyers. I finally just said ok. i am going to have to go back to work, i've been "retired" for 6 years. I'm 58 and the thought of that right now just makes me tired!
I will run out of money at 60 something, except for soc. sec. which is 850 a month.
also look into that. If i wait to collect soc, sec.till 66 I get that 850, because it's off of his. If i take at 62, it's mine which is way lower in benefits. I'm not sure if i have all numbers right, can't stand to look at all that stuff right now. good websites on it. Just look out for yourself. be educated. It's like a minefield. don't be rushed. My stupid x wanted me to decide within a week of bomb if i wanted to keep the house!! I told him i couldn't even put a sentence together. he backed off and said take my time. AZZ
